Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

Chapter 47: Oops…

“So can ya do it?” the redhead asked in a hushed, conspiratorial tone, the grin on his face widening. Sato smirked.

“‘Course I can,” he replied, “Just gimme a few days ta put her tagether fer yeh.”

“Awesome… Best prize ever.” He handed over the small envelope – the very one he’d received the morning after the Christmas party – and hurried back to his own office. He’d been holding onto it for over a month now, debating how to make use of his prize… and, more importantly, who to use it on.

His first instinct had been Rufus, of course. It had been ages since he’d pulled any kind of prank on the obnoxious executive. After Hell Week, and his run-in with Heidegger, the last thing he wanted to do was run afoul of anyone on the board of directors again, but the vice president was such a pain in the ass. Apparently he’d suckered Tseng into letting him drive his car. For an entire weekend. His mentor had preemptively forbidden him from mentioning his own little joyride in the tricked out automobile… and Rufus hadn’t been the least bit shy about lording his supposed triumph over him. It was infuriating.

But… what he presently had in mind would inevitably be traceable back to Sato, and he didn’t want to get anyone else in trouble for the sake of a stupid joke, so he’d quickly dismissed the Shinra heir as a target. For now.

The idea of pulling something on Tseng was just as quickly abandoned. While the Wutaiian Turk would probably find it amusing in the end, Reno was fairly certain he’d still get in a shitload of trouble for it. Besides which… he’d put Tseng through enough lately. It needed to be someone deserving of the prank.

That someone had presented themselves Friday afternoon.

He and Rude had made plans to check out a new activity center that had recently opened. Trampolines, climbing walls, bungee jumping, zip-line racing… all in a convenient indoor arena over in Sector 8. Reno had been looking forward to it all week. And the son of a bitch had canceled on him just hours before they’d gotten off work on Friday. Apparently Margaret had unexpectedly invited him for a weekend in Kalm.

And honestly, he could have let it go. He really could have. Since Christmas, Rude had been really good about not pulling that shit on him anymore. The redhead could forgive accepting a last minute invite for a romantic weekend. Hell, if he’d been in that position, he might have done the same thing. But it was the smug, smarmy look of triumph on Margaret’s face when she’d stopped by Rude’s apartment to commandeer him on Friday night, as well – putting their plans on hold a seconds time – that had clinched it for him. She hadn’t outright said it… but Reno was more than capable of reading between the lines. She’d known they had planned to go to Sector 8 tomorrow and purposefully muscled him out.

Margaret… didn’t like him. He was well aware of that fact. At first, he’d just thought it was because he pulled Rude’s attention away from her. But the more time he spent in her company – which, admittedly, wasn’t much since she tended to make things awkward when the did all hang out together, even when Reno brought his own date – the more he was convinced that it ran a little deeper than that. And when he’d heard her call him a ‘slum rat’ under her breath at one point, he was all but certain of it.

And even that he could live with. She seemed to make his friend happy, and he wasn’t about to get in the way of that. But he didn’t appreciate her intentionally trying to stop Rude from spending time with him. That was taking things too goddamn far.

And that was why, come Monday morning, the redhead had furtively waited for Saya to head off on her own before slipping into the office she shared with her cousin, and presenting Sato with the little certificate he’d given the rookie as a prize once he’d sobered up on Christmas morning and declared him the winner.

“Outta curiosity, who’d gonna be on the receivin’ end?” Sato snickered.

Reno’s grin widened. “I’d tell ya… but then I’d have ta kill ya,” he joked. The Mideelian Turk laughed.

“I’d like ta see yeh try, yeh little misfit…”

---

“Hey.”

Reno dropped into the seat next to Rude, and leaned back.

“Hey. Good weekend?”

Rude flashed him a slight grin. “You could say that,” he replied, “… Sorry again about –”

“Quiet down,” Veld said, cutting the rookies’ conversation short as he strode purposefully into the briefing room. “I have news.”

Every Turk in the room immediately turned their attention on the leader, curious about what was so important.

“It was a long time coming,” he began, “but Heidegger has finally approved the new Junon division of the Turks.” The announcement set off an excited murmuring amongst those present, but Veld hurried to regain their focus again. “And, I’m sure it comes as no surprise, Remy will be heading it.” He turned his gaze on Remy and smiled faintly. “Congratulations.”

Remy blinked in surprise, apparently too shocked to speak. Tres clapped her on the back, grinning widely.

“‘Bout damn time,” he said. The others quickly joined in congratulating her until Veld motioned for them to calm down once more.

“As such… We’re going to need to fill those new ranks. I certainly don’t intend any of you to relocate permanently. Unless, of course, you’d like to volunteer. The ultimate goal is to have two new rookies join Remy’s team. Now… obviously, I can’t just ship them off to Junon and expect her to turn them into Turks all her own… so we’ll all be working on a revolving schedule for awhile. Remy will be in Junon on a semi-permanent basis, of course, but we’ll also be rotating two Turks from Midgar for a week at a time to Junon to staff the new division.”

Kai clapped her hands together excitedly. “New Turklings?!”

Veld, chuckled slightly. “Yes, Kai. New Turklings. Evaluations are under way as we speak and Tseng and I should be making our final decision in about two weeks.”

The diminutive Turk squealed gleefully in Reno’s ear. “Finally! You two have gotten so boring lately…” she teased, ruffling the redhead’s hair. Reno glared at her. “Oh, quit pouting. You can’t stay a baby Turkling forever you know,” she added, with a smirk.

“Tch… If this means you’ll finally quit callin’ me ‘baby Turkling’, bring ’em on,” he shot back.

Kai giggled maniacally and pinched his cheek. “Never gonna happen, my little baby Turkling. You’re still going to be the youngest, I bet.”

“Thought you just said I can’t stay a Turkling forever,” he muttered, annoyed, and jerked his face away from her grip, scowling.

“Any chance you’re going to tell us who’s on the shortlist?” Luca piped up, interrupting the little feud before it could escalate. Veld shook his head.

“Not just yet. Rest assured that all of the candidates we’re considering are exceptionally well-qualified, and I’m confident that any one of them will be an excellent addition to our ranks,” he replied, “But… that’s a matter for another day. For now, we have work to do. Assignments…”

---

“Ahhhh!”

Reno landed with a thud, flat on his back, several feet away from where he’d been standing just moments ago. He sat up with a groan and rubbed his shoulder.

“Fuck, Remy… I know you’re excited ’bout the promotion ‘n all, but take it easy, will ya?”

“Take it easy? Your hand to hand score for Hell Week was abysmal. You need to be pushed harder… not coddled. We’ve got two new rookies coming in from the recruitment program, with all the training that entails, and you should be at least at their level by now. Now get up.”

The redhead staggered to his feet and prepared to defend himself against her next attack.

“They can’t be that much better than me,” he snorted, and dodged to the right… only to be creamed by his opponent’s fist from the opposite direction. Remy smirked.

“From what I’ve heard, one of the candidates being considered trained with the pagoda masters of Wutai. And at least two others hold black belts in various other martial arts,” she replied, and swept his legs out from under him, sending the rookie to the mat again. “Unlike you, most Turks don’t come in with zero experience. You’ve been here nearly a year now, and you’re still playing catch up.”

“Ouch,” Reno replied from the floor. Remy snorted softly.

“Oh, please… I didn’t hit you that hard.”

“Tch… No, but that comment sure as fuck hurt,” he muttered, picking himself up again. He sighed, dejectedly. “Come on, Remy… Ya think I don’t know I’m no match for the rest of you guys? I know exactly how much I suck. I get reminded of it every time one of you kicks my ass in here. I’m tryin’ to learn… but… I’m not a natural like the rest of you.”

The senior Turk paused for a moment, a sympathetic expression settling over her features. “Reno… I didn’t mean –”

Without warning, the redhead surged forward, ducking past her lowered defenses, and knocked her onto her back. A moment later, he had her pinned.

“Reno!”

The rookie snickered. “Like I said. Fightin’ doesn’t come naturally to me. Doesn’t mean I can’t pull one over on ya once in awhile, though. Playin’ dirty has its advantages.” He let her up, grinning smugly as she glowered at him. A moment later, she smiled.

“Not bad. But you still need to learn how to take down someone who’s trying to kill you head-on. Now let’s see if you can do that again. Without manipulating me into feeling sorry for you, this time.”

“If I pin ya again, can I go to lunch early?” he asked, still grinning.

“You may,” Remy agreed, and then smirked. “But if you can’t, we continue practice through lunch and then you can eat at your desk while you fill out requisition forms for me. With the promotion, I suddenly have a lot of them.”

“… Hold on. If I win, I get a lousy twenty extra minutes of down time. If you win I’m your office slave for half the afternoon? How the fuck is that fair?” the redhead asked, eying her challengingly.

“Consider it motivation to improve your performance,” Remy chuckled.

---

Reno flexed his fingers, working out the stiffness that had settled into the muscles of his hand and wrist. When Remy had said she had a lot of requisitions, she hadn’t been kidding. Worse, she kept making him redo them when she judged his handwriting to be ‘unacceptable’. He’d been starting to feel like he was seven again, and back in that cramped little classroom at the orphanage. But at least Remy didn’t make a habit of smacking his knuckles with a ruler when his work was sub-par, like he’d endured as a child.

“By the way,” the senior Turk said, as she collected his latest pile of forms, “Tseng was unexpectedly called to Fort Condor. He asked me to take over for him after lunch as well.”

The rookie groaned. Today was flight simulator day. The last time he’d done that under Remy’s supervision, she’d rigged the program so that he’d do nothing but crash.

“Will I actually get off the ground this time? Or are you just gonna set the thing to explode on takeoff?”

She laughed and shook her head. “If you can’t take as good as you give, then I suggest you behave yourself.”

Reno glanced up at her incredulously. “Tch… Why do you think I haven’t tried to pull anything on ya since then? If one little comment at the morning briefing gets me put through all that, I’d hate to see what you’d do to me if I actually played a prank on you… I kinda enjoy havin’ all my limbs still attached to my body.”

“Good. Keep that thought in mind and they’ll remain so,” she smirked. “I’ll finish these up. Go take a break. We’ll head up to the simulator in fifteen minutes.”

“Oh, thank Ifrit. Thought my hand was gonna fall off…” he muttered, hurrying to get to his feet and out the door before she could change her mind. He drifted down the hallway towards the lounge, where he found Shay stretched out on the couch. The rookie and quickly gravitated towards the coffee pot on the table near the back wall.

“Rough day?” he asked, as he poured a cup and doused the drink with sugar.

“Not yet. I’m just taking advantage of a lull in my schedule to prepare myself for tonight. Stake out duty,” the other Turk sighed, “With Remy.”

Reno snickered and joined him a moment later.

“Heh… Have fun with that.”

“‘Fun’ isn’t the word I’d use,” he replied, blandly. “But I do have to admit… I’m going to miss having her around. I mean… I’m happy for her and all. She’s really wanted this command posting for a long time now. But with her down in Junon, we’re hardly going to get to see her anymore.”

“Yeah…” Reno sighed. “Hey… I’ve been meanin’ to ask. Why is Remy so big on this whole promotion thing, anyway? Seems like she’s been waitin’ for it since before Tseng even recruited me.”

Shay grinned. “That’s because she has been. She and Aaron both wanted it. But then… well, we lost Aaron, so we were down a Turk, and Heidegger kept dragging his feet on the approval, and… I think Remy was probably starting to think it was never going to happen,” he said, “Remy’s in sort of an awkward position. She desperately wants the chance to prove herself as a leader, but command jobs are pretty limited in the Turks… and the position of Second is already filled. About the only way she’d ever have a shot at promotion without the Junon division is if Tseng were promoted first. And the only way that’d happen is if something happened to Veld.”

“… Which is somethin’ none of us would ever actually hope for,” Reno said with a nod of understanding.

“Exactly. So… yeah. She’s pretty happy about this. It’s kind of been her dream since she was a rookie,” Shay replied, and snickered softly, “But… um… just between you and me, I’m glad it’s the new rookies that are going to be down there with her once it gets going. As much as I love her, I don’t think I would last long with Remy on my case twenty-four seven.”

Reno grinned. “Yeah… I know what you mean. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to live up to her standard of what a Turk should be… but at least here, I only have to hear about it in the training hall.”

---

By mid-week, the initial excitement over Monday’s announcement had died down a bit, as more immediate concerns took precedence. Reno had been tapped for interrogation duty with Tres and Rude for most of the time he wasn’t training. He didn’t see much of Tseng until Wednesday when they unexpectedly had another round of simulator training. It was a little rare that he got into the thing twice in one week. The simulator was on Soldier’s floors and required their director’s permission to access.

“So… what’s the deal?” the redhead asked as they made their way back upstairs afterwards. Tseng chuckled quietly.

“The ‘deal’ is that the weather is beginning to improve. The daytime temperatures are already rising and in a few more weeks there won’t even be any snow left on the ground. I wanted you to reach your minimum required simulator time,” he replied, “Which you just have.”

Reno blinked. “W-wait… Minimum for what?” he asked, hoping that the answer was what he thought it was.

“The minimum required to be allowed to move on to the real thing,” Tseng stated, smiling. “We start next week.”

“Seriously?! I get to actually fly?!”

Tseng laughed at the downright giddy response.

“… Provided you don’t simply explode from the sheer level of excitement first… Yes.”

“YES!” the redhead whooped, just as the elevator doors opened. The small crowd that was gathered, waiting to board, collectively jumped, startled, and opted to wait for the next elevator. Reno giggled somewhat madly as the doors slide shut again.

“And provided you’re not placed on a psych hold before then,” Tseng snickered. A short ride later, they were stepping out into the hallway on the Turks’ floor. Reno was still grinning as they made their way towards the lounge. As they approached, the door opened, and Saya and Sato exited, arguing between themselves.

“I dunnae care. Yer not bringin’ any more of yer half-arsed contraptions inta the apartment! We’re bloody lucky the whole block hasn’t been blown sky high as it is.”

“Aw, yer a right pain in the arse. I’m just storin’ ’em temporarily,” Sato replied, rolling his eyes. Saya snorted in contempt.

“Oh, temporarily, eh? Temporarily like that bloody still o’ yers yeh were goin’ ta ‘relocate’ soon as yeh found a place fer it? The one that’s still in the Odin-be-damned bathroom almost a two years after I told yeh ta get rid of it?

Sato scoffed loudly and stomped off in the direction of their office.

“Don’t yeh go turnin’ yer back on me! It’s my bloody home, too, yeh know… and I’m sick of worryin’ that I’m goin’ ta step on a goddamn landmine every time I get up in the mornin’! No. More. Explosives.”

“Bah…” Sato muttered with a dismissive wave, before disappearing around the corner. Saya looked utterly livid.

“What’s he done now?” Tseng sighed. The Mideelian Turk spun to face them, apparently only then realizing anyone else was there at all. She shook her head in disgust.

“I’ve asked him again and again… Stop bringin’ home shite that’s goin’ ta blow us up. But does that little rat bastard ever pay me any mind? O’ course not. Yeh mark my words, Tseng… one o’ these days we’re goin’ ta get a call that Sector 2 has been wiped clean off the face o’ the planet, and I guarantee yeh, ground zero’ll be our apartment. Soon as I find someplace decent, I’m movin’ out on my own.”

Tseng frowned slightly. “… Perhaps it’s time for a bit of an intervention in this matter. Come with me. We’ll go and speak to Veld.” He glanced over at the rookie. “And I believe you are expected on the gauntlet in a few minutes. I wouldn’t keep Kai waiting. You know how she gets.”

“Yeah, I know,” the redhead sighed. The last time he’d been late for one of Kai’s training sessions on that damned obstacle course, she’d made him run it in his underwear. Which, up until the shooting gallery at the end, hadn’t been all that big of a deal. The lack of padding when those Ifrit-forsaken balls started hitting him, though… He shuddered.

Tseng and Saya turned and walked off in the direction of the Turk leader’s office. The redhead, meanwhile, moved to make a quick side trip into the lounge to see if there was any coffee left before his scheduled torture session… only to whirl back around when something small and hard smacked against the back of his head. He spun back, eyes narrowed in annoyance, and spotted Sato lurking at the end of the hall, grinning. Reno glanced down at his feet and saw a small bolt on the floor. He picked it up and stormed over to him.

“What the fuck’d ya do that f– ” he began, only to be shushed by the senior Turk.

“Don’t yeh go drawin’ attention, yeh daft idiot. Yeh want ’em ta come back and catch yeh with this?” Sato said, reaching into his jacket and pulling out a short plastic tube with a fuse dangling from one end. Reno’s frown immediately turned to a grin that matched Sato’s. His Christmas party prize. One free explosive, customized to his specifications. He took the device, looking it over.

“Yeh said yeh wanted somethin’ nice ‘n loud… Well, they’ll hear this clean over in Kalm if the wind’s blowin’ right,” Sato chuckled.

“It’s just gonna make a lot of noise, though… Right? It’s not gonna destroy half the city…”

The older Turk snorted in derisive laughter. “Yeh’ve been listenin’ ta that cousin o’ mine bitchin’ about me too much. Just yeh trust me. I know what I’m doin’,” he replied, and then paused. “But, eh… if yer plannin’ on lightin’ it inside yeh might wanna open the windows first. Concussion from the blast won’t hurt the room, but it might shatter glass.”

“Gotcha,” Reno said in acknowledgment. “Thanks Sato!”

“Heh… Lemme know how it goes.” With that, he gave him a wave and hurried off towards his office. Reno quickly tucked the device into his jacket and raced off to stow it in his desk before reporting to the gauntlet.

---

Friday evening couldn’t come soon enough. Reno was practically bouncing off the walls in anticipation as the minutes ticked down. Rude had been more than a little curious what had his friend so excited, but the redhead had dismissed it as nothing more than having a hot date combined with the prospect of getting to pilot something other than a virtual aircraft starting next week. The other rookie had bought it. They’d parted ways in the lobby of their apartment building just barely an hour ago, and Reno had spent the last several minutes quietly moving furniture off to the periphery of his living room.

Not that he didn’t trust Sato… but if the damn thing could potentially shatter windows, he really didn’t want to see what it might do if he set it off six inches from his TV.

“And now, we wait,” Reno snickered quietly as he settled himself on the couch.

Sato’s timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Rude had told him Margaret was coming over for dinner tonight… and that almost always meant she was planning on staying the night. All Reno had to do was be patient.

In a decidedly fortunate twist of fate, Reno’s apartment was directly over Rude’s… just reversed. His living room capped Rude’s bedroom. And said bedroom was the eager redhead’s target tonight. He laughed softly to himself as he studied Sato’s little creation. He hoped it was as loud as the demolitions expert claimed. If it was, it was gonna scare the crap out of both of them.

Sure, Rude was probably gonna kick the shit out of him on Monday for interrupting his evening… but it’d be worth it for a little minor revenge on Margaret. And he and Rude would have a good laugh about it later, he was sure. A knock at his door interrupted his musings, and Reno hurried to answer it. As he opened it, he was met by the mouth watering aroma of fresh pizza.

“Seventeen fifty,” the delivery guy stated.

“Keep the change,” the rookie, said, handing him a twenty and relieving him of his burden. Pizza… and a prank. What more could a guy ask for?

---

Reno plucked a piece of pepperoni off of his shirt and popped it in his mouth before reaching for the box. His fingers encountered nothing but cardboard, and he swore softly under his breath as he sat up.

“… Knew I shoulda got three…” he sighed. He’d been alternating between munching on pepperoni and sausage and listening intently with his ear pressed against the carpeted floor for any sounds from below for a couple of hours now. It was going on nine o’clock, and whatever Rude and Margaret were up to, they weren’t up to it in the bedroom. He was starting to wonder if they’d decided the couch was just as good as the bed and were going at it in the other room instead. Fuck knows he’d been known to do that on more than one occasion.

If so, he’d have to put his plans on hold. He supposed he could have set it off anyway… but it just wouldn’t have the same oh-god-the-building-is-collapsing, shit-your-pants-terrifying boom he was hoping for if it wasn’t directly above them. And no way in hell was he putting his waterbed at risk, setting it off in his room.

On a whim, he dropped to the floor one more time, holding his breath as he listened for any sounds from below… and grinned evilly when he heard faint, muffled laughter.

“Yes!” he whispered, and crept as silently as he could over to the kitchen counter where Sato’s little noise-maker was sitting. He set it on top of the now-empty pizza box on the floor in the center of the room and waited. He’d give them a little while to really get into it, and then…

Reno snickered quickly and pulled a silver cigarette lighter out of his pocket. It had been Lira’s Christmas gift to him, and he’d quickly found that he much preferred it to matches. He kept it with him constantly, now.

After about ten minutes, he decided the pair had had plenty of time to get comfortable. He flipped open the lighter and lit the fuse before retreating across the room, to the kitchen, and plugging his ears. A mischievous smile spread over his lips as he watched it slowly burn down towards the tube, before disappearing through the small hole drilled in one end.

And then… Nothing.

Reno groaned. Just his luck, it’d be a dud. Apparently Sato’s boasts of ‘knowing what he was doing’ were a little exaggerated. He sighed in disappointment and took a step towards it.

Which was went the damn thing finally went off the the loudest boom the redhead had ever heard in his life. The shock wave knocked him on his ass with a crash that was drowned out by the reverberating sound of the explosion, and sent several of the smaller pieces of furniture he hadn’t bothered to move tumbling end over end. The windows, along with the sliding glass door leading to the balcony were immediately blown out and smoke was rising from the center of the blast zone.

Dazed, Reno staggered to his feet, shaking his head in an attempt to rid himself of the ringing in his ears. He winced as he took in the destruction.

“Yep… I’m in trouble,” he sighed, looking down at the large burnt section of carpet. He could see the wooden flooring underneath, and even it looked scorched. He glanced upwards and spotted matching burn marks on the ceiling. He was going to have one hell of a time explaining this to his landlord.

The redhead stepped forward and smothered a bit of smoldering carpet under his shoe. As he did, he heard an ominous creak. Before he could even consider reacting, he was falling. He landed with a loud thump on something soft as bits of wood and plaster showered down on him. Coughing slightly in the dust cloud, he hesitantly looked up… at the six foot wide hole above him that looked into his apartment.

Suddenly, he heard a scream mere inches from his right ear.

“… Reno!?” a voice angrily demanded from his left, and the rookie Turk’s attention snapped back to his more immediate surroundings. Rude was glaring at him, a look of barely repressed rage in his eyes. It took him a moment to realize that he’d landed directly in between his friend and his guest. In their bed. Margaret was clinging tightly to the sheets, doing her best to cover herself.

“… Uh… Heh. In the mood for a threesome?” Reno asked, forcing a laugh. He… was pretty sure Rude was going to kill him. Painfully.

Rude pulled himself from the wreckage of his bed, seized his friend by the collar of his shirt, and frog marched him out of the bedroom, through the living room, and straight to the door.

“Get out,” he demanded, before shoving him bodily into the hallway.

“Rude, man, I’m really –” The door slammed in his face. “… sorry.”

Reno groaned loudly and made his way over to the elevator, hoping that once Rude calmed down a little he’d let him apologize before he murdered him. Hopefully, he’d wait until after the redhead murdered Sato first.

“Noise-maker my ass,” Reno grumbled as the elevator carried him upstairs. “Asshole coulda killed us with that thing!”

He stepped out onto his floor and cringed as he heard the sound of sirens fast approaching. As he reached his apartment, he found his door unlocked and standing open, and hesitantly peered inside… only to find one very irate landlord there holding a recently discharged fire extinguisher, and waiting for him. The man’s eyes narrowed at him.

“You…” he hissed. “What did you do?”

“… Uh…” Reno stammered. He was saved from having to answer by the sudden arrival of several firemen and police officers. The redhead shook his head. “… I’m not gettin’ my security deposit back after this, am I…”

His landlord turned to the police as the firemen made their way into the room to see to the still-smoking furniture.

“I want him arrested,” he demanded. “I’m pressing charges. Destruction of property, attempted murder, whatever you can throw at him!” He glowered at the redhead. “Consider that your eviction notice, you little slum rat!”

“W-wait… You’re throwin’ me out?!” Reno stammered as the police officers forced his arms behind his back and snapped a pair of handcuffs on him. He wasn’t entirely sure why he found the idea so surprising. Maybe because he’d come to believe that Turks were largely above the law. After all… none of his previous arrests had ever resulted in anything worse than a slightly annoyed Tseng.

He received no answer as he was led away and unceremoniously stuffed into the back of a police car. He glanced back at the building and spotted Rude and Margaret looking out from one of the windows, watching the spectacle as a small crowd gathered in the parking lot. Reno sank down in the seat, and closed his eyes as he wondered how in the hell this had ever seemed like an even remotely good idea.

~end chapter 47~