Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

Chapter 24: Pranks, Tricks, and Practical Jokes

Since both Turks were awake so early, it wasn’t long before Reno and Tseng made their way down to the still-empty cafeteria to forage for breakfast before the base’s personnel filed in. Reno spent the entirety of their short walk, grinning at his mentor in silence until at last Tseng couldn’t take it any longer.

“Will you stop that?” he sighed, exasperated.

“Stop what?” the redhead asked in his most innocent voice.

“I have no intention of discussing my whereabouts last night with a sixteen year old… so stop staring at me as though you’re suddenly fascinated by the idea of me having a sex life.”

Reno’s grin widened noticeably as he picked up the pace to keep up with the senior Turk’s suddenly single-minded desire to reach their destination as quickly as possible.

“… So’s that mean you did get lucky last night?”

“Which part of ‘no intention of discussing it’ was unclear?” Tseng replied, shaking his head. The redhead sniggered and spun around to face him, walking backwards directly in front of his mentor.

“Aw, come on, Tseng… You can’t just run off with some woman, not come back ’til the next mornin’, and then expect me to just pretend like I don’t know what you were gettin’ up to…”

Tseng rolled his eyes. “Well, since you are so knowledgeableon the subject, there’s no need to discuss this, now is there?” he said, brushing past the teenager. Reno laughed and sprinted after him.

“Seriously? Boss, you’re like the most professional, no-nonsense guy I’ve ever met. Your whole fuckin’ life revolves around bein’ a Turk. Now I find out you got a secret girlfriend you’re hidin’ from everyone? You really think I’m not gonna be just a little interested?”

Tseng stopped short and sighed loudly, roughly pinching the bridge of his nose.

“My relationship with Viridia is hardly a secret,” he replied, “I simply don’t discuss it with those who have no business asking about it, and I certainly didn’t introduce you yesterday so you could harass me incessantly about it.”

Reno smirked and draped an arm over his mentor’s shoulders.

“Hey, if it’s none of my business, just tell me it’s none of my business…”

Tseng calmly shrugged him off. “It’s none of your business.”

“Oh, please… I fuckin’ live with you. Of course it’s my business,” the redhead said, jokingly. Tseng groaned, and pushed open the door they’d finally arrived at.

“Nande ore?” Tseng sighed. Reno didn’t speak a work of Wutaiian… but he got the distinct impression that meant something along the lines of ‘Why me?’. He laughed and followed his mentor through the doors

---

The return flight to Midgar was uneventful. Reno spent most of his time discussing the day’s schedule with Tseng, and Rufus spent most of it looking put out and annoyed. The redhead had begun to suspect that a large part of that annoyance stemmed from the fact that the rookie was the main focus of the Turk lieutenant’s attention… and Reno was savoring every second of it. Served the little bastard right for treating him like shit all morning yesterday. Alright, sure… Rufus had toned it down a little after lunch… but he was still a total dick any time he interacted with the rookie.

Veld, for his part, sat unobtrusively in his seat while the President made phone call after phone call. When they arrived back at the Shinra Building, President Shinra turned to the Turk leader.

“My son will be officially joining the company at the end of the month,” he said, matter-of-factly. “In the interim, he’ll be organizing his offices, which means a great deal of coming and going from the building, interviewing potential staff, and the like. I’d like a personal security detail assigned to him for the next week.”

“Of course, sir,” Veld replied, turning to speak directly to the younger Shinra. “I presume you would prefer Tseng to head your detail, sir?”

“Yes,” Rufus responded, in a short, clipped tone. Veld nodded, and for just a moment, the redhead was certain Rufus fixed him with a smug glance. It was gone as quickly as he’d noticed it.

“Reno will join him. It’ll be good experience for our rookie Turk,” the Turk leader added as he was turning to follow the boy’s father back inside… and Reno almost laughed at the expression that spread over the Shinra heir’s face. His eyes narrowed at the rookie, who merely shrugged, and then he stomped off in a huff after his father.

---

The following day, Reno came to learn that ‘personal security detail’ really just meant a whole lot of sitting around doing nothing. Rufus spent most of the morning in his new office, arranging things to his liking with a little help from Tseng. The rookie, meanwhile, had been banished to the empty reception area for ‘guard duty’ and really hadn’t seen much of either of them in hours.

He was certain the little brat had come up with the most tedious, boring assignment he could think of for the redhead just out of spite. As he placed another eraser on top of his little office supply tower of boredom, a thought occurred to him. If Rufus could make his life miserable, what, exactly – aside from, perhaps, his mentor’s ire were he caught – was stopping him from doing the same? He decided that, at the first available opportunity, he was going to get a little payback.

That opportunity came far sooner than he would have ever expected. Moments after the decision was made, the door to the office swung open and the Shinra brat stepped out, Tseng not far behind.

“We’re leaving to procure some items for my office,” he said, snottily, “You will stay here and make sure no one bothers anything.”

Reno had to force down a grin.

“Yes, sir,” he replied, brightly. Tseng eyed him curiously, but said nothing as the two men departed. The moment he was certain they were gone, the redhead was on his feet. He’d make sure no one ‘bothered anything’ alright… no one but himself, that is.

Chuckling somewhat madly to himself, he slipped into Rufus’ office, closing the door behind him.

---

Tseng glanced suspiciously over at Reno… who was sitting in the exact same spot he’d left him in an hour and a half ago, apparently amusing himself by making a chain of paperclips that already spanned the entire length of the room. He seemed entirely too engrossed in the activity… and the smile he greeted the returning future executive with was much too wide. He was up to something.

Rufus, however, seemed more interested in pretending that the redhead didn’t exist. He marched past him without so much as a second glance, and disappeared into his office.

“… Alright. What’s going on?” Tseng asked, once the younger man was out of earshot.

“Nothin’,” Reno replied, a little too quickly.

“Hmm…” The Turk lieutenant hesitantly followed the younger Shinra through the door, his gaze not veering from his rookie until it closed behind him. He glanced cautiously around the office. Nothing seemed to have been touched… but his instincts told him that something was about to happen.

Before he could figure out what that something might have been, events were already in motion.

Rufus took a seat in the expensive leather chair behind his desk. As soon as he did so, it collapsed beneath him, dumping the young man onto the carpeted floor with a loud thud. For a moment, he simply sat there, looking utterly stunned. Then his face took on an expression of righteous indignation, and he shot to his feet, and all but ran back out into the reception area.

“YOU!” he hissed, grabbing the other teenager by the collar and hauling him to within barely an inch of his face. “You did that, didn’t you?!”

The redhead looked at him as though he had no idea what was going on… Somehow, Tseng doubted he was quite as innocent as he acted.

“Did what?” he asked, eyes wide.

“Don’t you lie to me…” Rufus growled angrily, “I know it was you!”

“Rufus… enough,” Tseng said, placing a hand on the younger man’s shoulder before things could escalate any farther.

“But he –”

“If Reno was responsible… which I think you’ll have a difficult time proving… I will deal with reprimanding him. Now… Kindly release him.”

Rufus’ eye twitched slightly, but he did as requested, glowering at the rookie. Without another word, he turned on his heel and stormed back into the office, slamming the door behind him. Tseng sighed and turned his gaze on his rookie.

“Please tell me you had nothing to do with the chair collapsing.”

“I had nothin’ to do with the chair collapsin’,” Reno said, smirking.

“Reno…”

“What? You said to tell ya that,” he snickered, “And even if I mighta loosened up a bolt or two… he fuckin’ shoved me in the pool on my first day. Just makes us even.”

Tseng shook his head. “And now that you’re ‘even’ it will go no farther?”

Reno grinned. “Well, that kinda depends on him.”

---

Unfortunately for Tseng, Rufus wasn’t content to simply call it even. He retaliated the next day at lunchtime.

“Yeh know… he needs a lot more work on shadowin’ targets,” Saya was saying to Tseng, as she skewered several spinach leaves on her fork. “Practice this mornin’ was just sad. Spotted our wee rookie within a minute ‘n a half and he dinnae even realize it ’til I had him on the ground.”

“And don’t forget his attempt with me,” Kai chimed in. “I’ve never seen someone fall into their own trap quite so… thoroughly.”

“Tch… you assholes do realize I’m right here, right? I’m not suddenly invisible, am I?” the annoyed redhead piped up, setting his plate down on the table and plopping into the seat across from his mentor. It wasn’t as if he didn’t know that his performance had been less than stellar in those two exercises… but for Shiva’s sake, did they really have to call him out on it while he was trying to eat?

“Did you guys hear something?” Kai teased, looking around in feigned surprise. “Sounded like a really obnoxious whining sound…”

Tseng chuckled softly and turned his attention back on his lunch.

“Oh, now, fer Odin’s sake, Kai… What’s he done ta deserve that?”

“Well… He exists, for one thing,” the diminutive Turk shot back, before breaking into a wide grin. “Besides… our little Turkling knows I only criticize because I care…”

Reno snorted derisively, and picked up his sandwich, taking a large bite. Almost as soon as he did, he realized that something was very wrong. His lips started to tingle. It very quickly because a burning sensation, that spread to his tongue. The redhead’s eyes widened, and he hurriedly choked down the the bite of food… which turned out to be a mistake, as it only seemed to spread the fire to his entire mouth and down his throat.

By then, his eyes were watering, and the other Turks at the table had realized that something wasn’t quite right with the rookie. When he started to sweat, as well, Tseng stood in concern, rounding the table and kneeling beside him.

“Reno?!”

The redhead coughed, and grabbed for his drink, downing its entire contents with no relief at all from the pain.

“H-hot!” he managed to gasp, shooting from his seat and darting back behind the cafeteria’s service counter and into the kitchen… much to the displeasure of the staff serving the long line of hungry employees. The other three Turks hurried after him, finding the rookie with his head in the sink, gulping water directly from the faucet like a desperate man dying of thirst. Eventually, though the intense burning had yet to subside, he had to come up for air. He did so, coughing and sputtering as his teammates looked on in varying degrees of confusion, amusement, and concern.

A pained moan escaped his lips. His ears were ringing as he staggered semi-upright, and he could feel sweat simply dripping down his face.

It was Saya who finally realized what had happened and rushed to one of the large, industrial refrigerators. She returned moments later, and Reno found a glass being pressed into his hands and guided toward his now-aching lips. His eyes were watering so badly, he couldn’t even tell what it was, but if it would bring relief, at the moment he didn’t care if it was behemoth spit.

“That’s it… yeh just drink that down,” she said, gently rubbing his back as he chugged it in between sobs. He couldn’t taste anything… he couldn’t smell anything… but whatever it was seemed to take the edge off the fire, at least for a few seconds. He finished it, and leaned back against the sink, panting as tears continued to stream down his face. “There now… that’s a wee bit better, innit?”

“What… the hell… did I fuckin’ eat?” he coughed, trying and failing to wipe the tears and sweat out of his eyes so he could finally see again. Saya chuckled and handed him a paper towel… which he was grateful for, as he realized that his nose, too, was running badly and didn’t seem to want to stop. Parts of his mouth felt almost numb by that point… and he wasn’t sure if it was due to whatever Saya had given him, or if the nerves in his tongue had simply given up and committed suicide. The rest of it still seemed to be smoldering painfully, and gradually increasing in intensity as time went on. He whimpered quietly and sank to his knees, praying it would end soon. Saya refilled the glass and handed it back to him.

“Well, whatever it was, I wanna try some. I love spicy food!” Kai snickered loudly, as she turned and headed back to their table. The others followed, Tseng and Saya carefully supporting the still-suffering redhead between the two of them.

“… I… I’m not sure I can feel my face anymore,” Reno groaned, slightly concerned at the realization. Saya laughed softly as they set him in his chair. Kai was already probing what was left of the rookie’s lunch.

“Mmm…” She held up a small, slightly shriveled, reddish… something… and wasted no time in popping it in her mouth. Reno watched incredulously, waiting for the inevitable reaction. It never came. Instead, Kai grinned widely. “Costan wraith peppers. Hottest on the plant. Yum…”

“How are you not bursting into flames?!” the rookie asked in shock, wheezing slightly, as he watched her pick another pepper out of the sandwich and eat it. His stomach was starting to ache now, and the burning in his mouth was back with a vengeance. Saya continued to ply him with what he was now coherent enough to recognize as milk.

“Told ya… I love spicy food,” she replied, smirking. “Woo! And sweet Shiva is that ever spicy!”

Reno groaned and sank forward, letting his head rest on the table top. “I’m gonna die…” he whimpered. Saya snickered and patted his shoulder.

“No yer not… Yeh’ll be just fine in awhile.”

“Oh, dear Ifrit, just make it stop…” he murmured into the crook of his arm, wondering how something so small could cause so much pain. Tseng, who had been silent for much of the ordeal at last spoke up.

“What I would like to know is just who is responsible for this? It seems clear that Reno was intentionally targeted. No one else has had this sort of reaction.”

The rookie looked up, scowling. “Tch… I got a pretty good idea,” he muttered with a slight lisp, owing to the numbness of his lips. “And if he weren’t the President’s fuckin’ kid,I’d go upstairs and ring his neck.”

Tseng groaned, and shook his head. “Saya, would you mind looking after him for a bit? I believe I need to go and have a conversation with Rufus. Take him down to medical if he doesn’t improve.”

---

Tseng had no great difficulty locating his quarry. He was sitting in his new office with a decidedly pleased look on his face as he flipped through a financial report.

“You and I need to talk,” the Turk stated, and Rufus glanced up, unphased.

“Do we?”

“I want the truth, Rufus. Were you behind the attack on Reno in the cafeteria?”

The blonde boy snorted. “Attack? For Ramuh’s sake… there’s no need to exaggerate things. Yes… I played a little joke on him. Payback for that ridiculous hackjob he did on my chair yesterday. Perhaps now the little slum rat will remember his place.”

Tseng frowned, and folded his arms over his chest.

“You caused him significant pain… which, I might add, has not yet subsided.” He shook his head and took a seat in the chair in front of the younger man’s desk. “Rufus… this antagonism must stop. Reno has never done anything to you.” He held up a silencing hand as Rufus went to protest. “Yesterday not withstanding… but you brought that on yourself, and you know it. I did not inform your father after you pushed him into the pool within hours of him arriving at the office… even though I probably should have… but I will not continue to look the other way if you persist in playing ‘jokes’ that inflict physical harm on any of my fellow Turks. They are not your playthings, and they are not here to amuse you.”

Rufus scowled, and tossed the report into the trashcan beside him.

“You can’t take that tone with me anymore, Tseng. I’ll be vice president of this company in a few weeks. You’d better get used to me telling you what to do for a change,” he snarled, coldly. Tseng’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Then I suggest that you take care in what you tell me to do, sir,” he replied, “I’ve long considered us to be friends… and hope to continue to do so… but I do have my limits.”

With that, he stood and walked out, leaving the future executive gaping at his departure.

---

“Oh, come on,” Kai laughed, “Quit milking it, ya wuss.”

“Fuck you,” the redhead moaned. Admittedly, it was a bit exaggerated at this point. He lay limply on the couch in the lounge, his head resting on Saya’s lap as the female Turk softly petted his hair. Kai shook her head.

“I’ve told you before… you’re way too young for me, my little Turkling. Now get your ass up and quit being such a loser!”

“Yeh shut yer fool mouth, Kai,” Saya replied, defensively. “Can’t yeh see the wee thing’s feelin’ poorly. Let him be!”

Alright… so maybehe was milking it a little. But his tongue was still slightly numb and his sense of smell had yet to return and his stomach remained unsettled by the horrendously hot peppers. If Saya was willing to sit and comfort him, he was gonna let her do it for as long as she’d allow him to.

The door opened, heralding the return of the missing lieutenant, who paused just inside the room, eyes immediately going to the rookie.

“Ah, he’s faking it. It’s been almost an hour. The little horndog probably just likes having his head in your crotch.”

“Aye? Well, maybe yer just jealous that he like mine better,” she shot back, teasingly. Kai laughed.

“Oh, please. Spare me.”

“You do remember that he’s only sixteen don’t you?” Tseng interrupted. “I hardly think such commentary is appropriate.” He knelt down beside the redhead, and ran a hand gently along his back. “How are you feeling?”

“Tch… Still can’t smell anything, but at least my ears quit ringin’. You kill Rufus for me yet?”

Tseng chuckled and shook his head in the negative.

“He yet lives. But I did warn him that stunts like this won’t be tolerated. Now… get up. You’re not ill, and you’re not injured. Turks don’t lay around all day due to minor discomfort, and you have weapons practice with Luca in ten minutes.”

Reno moaned pitifully and looked pleadingly up at Saya. “Don’t let him take me…” he whimpered. Saya sniggered warmly and gave him one last pet.

“Sorry, love… orders are orders. Yer time’s up. Back ta work with yeh.”

~end chapter 24~