Chapter 21: Doubts
Tseng winced as he sat up. It never failed. These Leviathan-forsaken mattresses always seemed to leave his back and shoulders in knots. He dragged himself to the edge of the bed and leaned forward, trying to stretch out some of the stiffness. It certainly didn’t help matters that he felt like he’d only just gone to bed.
Though, in retrospect, that wasn’t far from the truth… after hunting down Reno last night, he’d spent another hour and a half going through the incoming intelligence reports on the reactor explosion before Veld had finally noticed the light in his office was still on and ordered him to get some rest. He’d lain awake for some time afterward. In the end, he was fairly sure he’d only managed perhaps three or four hours of actual sleep. The clock beside the bed informed him that it was now ten after six in the morning. Even exhausted, his body had only allowed him to miss his normal wakeup time by ten minutes.
Somehow, he suspected that Reno hadn’t had that problem.
Which was why, when he walked into the lounge a few minutes later, he was a little shocked to find the redhead looking pale and tired, clutching a cup of coffee like a lifeline while he sat on the couch, watching the television in the corner. The morning news was on, showing aerials of the smoldering remains of the Number Six Reactor. He glanced up as the Turk lieutenant entered.
“They’re sayin’ fifteen dead, and at least another twenty still missin’,” he stated dully, “And that’s just on the Plate.”
“I hate to say it… but it could have been significantly worse, had it been one of the other reactors. The fact that Sector Six is… was… largely uninhabited is directly to our benefit. Most of the casualties will have been reactor workers and others at the site of the explosion.”
“… And a Turk,” the redhead said, softly. Tseng took a seat beside him, and let his hand rest on the back of the rookie’s neck, squeezing gently.
“And a Turk,” he agreed.
“… No one’s even gonna care, are they?” Reno asked, “We were all out there, tryin’ to help. Aaron probably saved a lot of people’s lives. And no one’s gonna give a shit.”
Tseng comfortingly rubbed the teenager’s back.
“Unfortunately our job tends to be a thankless one.”
The redhead was silent for a moment, his fingers clutching the mug in a death grip.
“No one’d give a shit if it had been me, either, would they…”
The Wutaiian Turk gripped the teenager’s chin and pulled his gaze around to meet his.
“I would. As would everyone else in this office. Aaron’s sacrifice will not be forgotten by the Turks, even if it is never acknowledged by anyone else.”
The redhead looked away. “I hardly even got the chance to get to know him…”
“Another unfortunate reality of this job. Sometimes… we lose someone much too soon.”
Reno fell silent, and Tseng resumed the gentle, rhythmic stroking of his back. He sighed and thought back to what Kai had said to him nearly a month ago now. Perhaps it really had been arrogant of him to recruit the redhead the way he did. He’d been… excited… to at last have the opportunity to prove to Veld that he was ready for this. So excited, that he’d given very little thought to explaining the risks of being a Turk to a wide-eyed teenager who he knew desperately wanted to leave the slums. He was regretting that, now. He should have told him… even if it would have risked having Reno turn him down.
“Have you eaten?” he found himself asking, and couldn’t help but silently berate himself for choosing to change the subject rather than push the rookie to keep talking. Coward.
Reno shook his head. “Not real hungry.”
“Starving yourself won’t bring him back,” Tseng stated, “When is the last time you did eat?”
The rookie shrugged.
“I’ll assume that means you skipped dinner last night. And we were working through lunch, which means the last food you had was in Kalm. Justinia will have my head if she finds out.”
Reno snorted a halfhearted laugh at that comment.
“Come with me. We’re the first awake… That means it falls to us to secure breakfast for anyone else who stayed behind last night.”
“Tch… that a rule?” he asked, at last glancing up at him.
“It is… polite,” Tseng replied with a faint smile. “And also… though we grieve for the dead, we can’t allow ourselves to forget the living. Let’s take care of our friends, shall we?”
Reno nodded and set his mug aside, before getting to his feet. Tseng led him out of the lounge and down the hall to the elevators in search of breakfast.
When Rude woke up, it was to the sound of an argument, and in his half-asleep state he could not for the life of him figure out who in Shiva’s name was in his living room or why they were yelling at one another. It was several confused moments before he remembered that he wasn’t at home in his own bed, and said excessively loud conversation was coming from the hallway outside the Turks’ sleeping quarters.
With a groan he dragged himself from the cot and staggered to the door, wrenching it open and thrusting his head out to see what was going on.
“I’m warnin’ yeh… Don’t yeh do it. Bad enough about Aaron… and poor Remy’s outta rotation fer Odin only knows how long. Yeh don’t need to be makin’ things harder on everyone else!” Saya demanded, glaring at her cousin, arms folded firmly over her chest.
“The whole team needs a bit of a pick me up after this, yeh ask me,” the Mideelian Turk retorted. “Yer all too serious, that’s yer damned problem.”
“Oh, shove it up yer arse, Sato. Veld and Tseng’ve got enough on their plates without havin’ ta deal with shite blowin’ up! And the wee rookies are plenty on edge, don’t yeh think? Jokes like that they don’t bloody need, and neither does anyone else! Yer problem is that yeh don’t know when ta stop. Grow up, yeh bastard.”
“It’s just a wee laugh!” Sato protested.
“I swear ta Hades… if yeh set off so much as a firecracker this week, Tseng’ll be the least ‘o yer problems… because I’ll put yeh in the hospital myself!”
Sato growled indignantly and stormed off, leaving the other Turk standing in the middle of the hallway. She shook her head, and only then seemed to notice that they’d had company.
“Sorry, Rude… Did we wake yeh?”
“… Don’t worry about it,” he replied. Saya shook her head.
“Can yeh believe that idiot wanted ta set off one of his stupid creations ta wake everyone up this mornin’?” she scoffed. “Thought it’d be a right laugh. Somehow, I dunnae think anyone woulda thought it was funny. I swear… sometimes I wonder how in Odin’s name the two of us can possibly be kin.” She sighed, rolling her eyes. “Anyway… How’d yeh sleep?”
“Fine,” Rude said with a shrug. Up until his unexpected wakeup call, that is. He’d been so beat last night, he was pretty sure he was asleep before his head had hit the pillow. Even being briefly woken again by Tseng hadn’t phased him.
“Well… that’s good, at least. I slept like shite. ‘Course bein’ next door ta Sato didn’t help. The son of a bitch snores like an Ifrit-forsaken behemoth. I’m goin’ fer some breakie before Veld decides ta hold the mornin’ meeting early… Yeh want ta come?”
He glanced over at the door to the room Reno had slept in last night, debating on whether or not he should get him up as well. He had to have been starving by now, given that he’d refused to head down to the cafeteria with him last night before bed. Though… if the twins screaming match hadn’t roused him, the redhead was probably about dead to the world right now. It might be better to just let his fellow rookie sleep while he could.
“… Sure,” he said at last. He could always bring something back for Reno.
Rude and Saya started towards the elevators, only to be greeted by the aforementioned redhead and Tseng as they disembarked, their arms laden with bags bearing the name of a nearby bakery. Saya laughed.
“I always knew yeh were psychic, Tseng,” she declared. “Yeh’ve gone and read my mind…”
A great deal of the rest of the day was dedicated toward investigating the reactor explosion… at least for the senior Turks. The two rookies, however, were sent off to the training hall shortly after the morning meeting to begin their regular routine. Neither was particularly happy about it, but Reno was especially put out.
“Tch… Why the fuck are we down here while everyone else is off doin’ shit that actually matters?” he groused. Rude quite effortlessly pinned him on the mat and smirked.
“Because we’re rookies. Rookie train. Then they train some more. And when think they’re done training, guess what they do…”
The redhead couldn’t help but laugh at that.
“They get sent off to save the company like the total badasses they are?”
“You wish,” Rude snorted. “And on what planet do you qualify as a badass?”
“Well, that was a little harsh, don’t ya think… ?”
“You’re pinned facedown on the floor with someone twice your size sitting on you.”
“… Point taken.”
Rude chuckled and let him up. Reno rolled over and sat up, hugging his knees to his chest. He sighed and shook his head.
“… Hey, Rude?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you… think I’m doin’ okay at this?” the redhead hesitantly asked. The bald Turk smirked.
“At hand to hand? No, you pretty much still suck.”
His shoulders sagged, and he dropped his gaze to the floor.
“… That was joke,” Rude added.
“I know…” Reno replied, “But it’s kinda true, isn’t it?”
Rude dropped down beside him, folding his legs beneath him.
“Where’s this coming from?” he asked. Reno shrugged.
“Let’s just go over my list of ‘accomplishments’ thus far, shall we?” he said, a sarcastic tone in his voice. “My first week on the job. I get arrested. I get my ass kicked by Kai. I basically make a complete idiot of myself. Second week. I get arrested… and I get you arrested with me. Then I get my ass kicked some more… this time by Saya and Sato. And, let’s not forget me makin’ a complete idiot of myself yet again, when I got pissed at Kai and called her… that word I will never fuckin’ say again ’cause she’d murder me in my sleep… and then found out that she actually is gay. Or bi. Or… whatever. Third week. Somehow didn’t get arrested, but still got my ass kicked. Repeatedly. And I’m sure I made an idiot of myself again at some point. Fourth week? Tch… well… you get the idea.”
“No one’s the perfect Turk from day one,” Rude pointed out.
“… Yeah. But then we get to yesterday,” the redhead lamented, miserably. “Aaron was fuckin’ awesome at what he did. And he still got killed like he was nothin’ down there. If he can get taken out just like that… what kinda shot do I have? And what if I really fuck up and take someone else down with me?”
“… You talk to Tseng about any of this?”
Reno looked over at him incredulously. “What? And practically give him a list of all the shit I do wrong and what a pathetic loser I am?”
Rude studied him for a moment and then got to his feet. Before Reno had time to wonder where he was going, the redhead found himself being hoisted off of the floor and slung over the other rookie’s shoulder like a sack of gyshal greens.
“H-hey! What the hell, man?”
Rude didn’t answer. He simply carried him from the training hall, out to the hallway, and into the elevator, ignoring the odd looks he received from the other passengers… who quickly opted to clear out to wait for the next car rather than interfere with the rather intimidating bald man and his prisoner.
“Rude… Seriously. Not cool, man. Put me the fuck down!”
Reno squirmed in his grip, but Rude was bigger, stronger, and better trained. It didn’t take him long to realize that he wasn’t going anywhere unless his fellow rookie let him. He grunted in annoyance and finally just hung limply over his impromptu perch, as the elevator carried them down one floor. Then it was down another hallway and through the double doors, where he was greeted by the smell of chlorine.
Rude walked briskly across the pool deck and paused. A moment later, Reno was unexpectedly launched into the air. He hit the water seconds later, the sudden cold a shock to the system. He came up sputtering.
“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?” he shouted, glaring up at his friend. Rude shrugged.
“You were getting too down on yourself. Had to snap you out of it somehow…”
“… You’re an asshole, Rude,” he shot back… but couldn’t quite keep a straight face as he said it. The situation was just too absurd. The other rookie just laughed quietly. Reno glared at him as ferociously as he could manage while trying not to laugh himself. He ducked under the surface of the water and stripped off his sweatshirt, quickly surfacing again and hurling it at the other Turk. It struck him squarely in the chest with a loud, wet splat and dropped to the deck. Rude smirked and stripped down to his boxers before cannonballing into the pool himself mere inches from the redhead, nailing him in the face with the resulting wave of water.
“Oh… So that’s how ya wanna do this, huh?” he said, accusingly when Rude’s head reappeared. Reno grinned and dove, going after the other teen’s feet and easily dragging him under. Rude might have had the upper hand in the training hall, but in the water he didn’t stand a chance. The redhead was too agile and too fast, and the fact that they were floating more than evened up the differences in their strength.
When they surfaced again, Rude tried to turn the tables on him by slipping around behind him, and attempting to force him down. Reno simply let himself be submerged and then dove deeper to escape, swimming between his legs and coming up behind him. He gripped his shoulders and put his full weight into it, dunking his opponent for several seconds before retreating. Rude popped up and raised his hands in surrender.
“You win!” he laughed. Reno grinned and somersaulted under the water in triumph. “… So… tell me again how you’re not any good as a Turk.”
“Ah, shut up,” he chuckled. “Ya made your point.”
“The Turks are unstoppable because we’re all good at different things. Quit worrying so much about trying to be like everyone else. You’re not like everyone else. That’s why you belong here.”
“Yeah? When’d you get so philosophical?”
Rude shrugged. “That’s just what Veld told me when I didn’t think I was doing so great at first.”
Reno devoured the chicken breast. It tasted awful, but he really didn’t care. After almost a full day of not eating, only picking at breakfast, and then training virtually non-stop for the entire morning… he was famished. Appetite or no, he needed to get some food in him… though, truth be told, the morose mood he’d been in since yesterday was finally beginning to lift. He actually felt hungry again.
“How can you eat that?” Rude asked, shaking his head as he prodded his own lunch cautiously with a fork, looking as though he was afraid it might decide to just crawl off the plate. The redhead shrugged.
“I’ve eaten worse,” he replied, flippantly. A disgusted look crossed Rude’s face.
“… Why?”
The redhead paused in his assault on the purported meat.
“‘Cause I had a choice between that or starvin’ to death. Kinda hard to be a picky eater down in Sector Two.”
Rude was silent for a moment, considering his statement. “… Is it really that bad down there?”
Reno speared the last bite on his plate and swallowed it without tasting it.
“It is when you’re on your own. Got a little better after I hooked up with Lira… but… yeah. Spent a lot of my time hungry down in the slums.” He glanced over at Rude’s largely untouched plate. “… You gonna eat that?”
Rude shook his head.
“Not if I don’t have to…”
The redhead grinned and speared it with his own fork, and bit into the slab of chicken. How something could be both dry as the desert and dripping in grease at the same time, he had no idea… but he was still hungry. If it was edible, he’d eat it. Rude snorted quietly.
“… You’ve been up here over a month. How in Shiva’s name are you still so skinny when you eat like that all that time?”
“Heh… You come up with an answer to that one, I know a pain in the ass doctor who’d love to have ya enlighten her. Ward can’t figure it out, either,” he snickered. “… and I think it’s drivin’ her nuts. Keeps tellin’ me I need to eat more and gain some fuckin’ weight. I eat any more than I already do, I’m liable to fuckin’ explode before that happens.”
“Please don’t. I’m quite certain I’d never hear the end of it,” a voice behind him interjected, and the rookie nearly choked.
“Goddammit, quit doin’ that!” he growled, twisting around in his seat at the sudden arrival of his mentor. Tseng only chuckled.
“I have an assignment for the two of you once you’ve finished lunch,” he replied, ignoring the complaint. “There’s an exceptionally large number of reports coming in from Sector Six. Tres is having difficulty keeping up, and most of the other are handling interviews with survivors at the moment. He needs some help sorting through them, and you’re going to provide it.”
“… So, basically we’re glorified secretaries for the day,” Reno sighed.
“I wouldn’t venture as far as to call you ‘glorified’,” the Turk lieutenant teased. “You’ll find him in the resource room.”
~end chapter 21~