Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

“I’ve done it! By far my greatest achievement!”

The victorious shouts could be heard even at the base of the spiraling stairways outside of President Shin-Ra’s office. Inside the office, one man was chuckling softly with the giddy zeal of accomplishment while the other looked on with only mild interest.

“What have you done now, Hojo?” President Shin-Ra asked, making only a half-hearted attempt to look as though he cared. Hojo didn’t seem to notice his superior’s lack of enthusiasm.

“I have discovered the secret of immortality! A way to reverse the aging process! A veritable fountain of youth!” the thin, pale man answered, rubbing his hands together with glee. The president raised an eyebrow.

“Oh really?” he answered, genuine interest replacing his previous boredom.

“Yes! Of course there are still a number of tests that must be run to perfect the technique…” the bespectacled scientist replied.

———-

“What is it we’re keeping people away from, anyway?”

Reno shrugged. “Who knows? Some invention of Hojo’s. Must be something big if they want the two of us guarding it instead of the regular building security,” he replied, looking bored.

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” Elena asked, glancing back at the door to one of Hojo’s labs.

“If you ask me, Hojo’s one seriously disturbed individual. The less I know about who or what he’s experimenting on, the better I sleep at night,” said Reno. Elena nodded slightly and turned away from him to keep an eye on the hallway. They remained silent for some time, and eventually Reno caught himself looking back at the door once again. ‘Dammit, now she’s got me wondering…’ he thought with some annoyance.

“Let’s just take a quick peek,” he said at last, when he noticed Elena’s gaze drifting toward the lab, “No one’s in there right now…”

“Yeah, I’m sure Tseng would just love to hear that we disobeyed a direct order and snuck into the lab,” Elena snorted, “Besides… Haven’t you caused enough trouble this week?”

Reno flashed her a lopsided grin, fondly recalling a few choice “incidents”, as Tseng had termed them, that he’d been directly responsible for in the last week.

“No such thing as enough trouble… and Tseng’ll never know. Come on, Elena. You know you want to…”

“But…”

“Just for a minute… Admit it… You’re dying to know…”

Elena eyed the door. “Well… I guess it wouldn’t hurt just to look inside…” she replied, curiosity winning out over reason and good judgment. Reno grinned again and entered the access code to the lab. The door opened, and he stepped inside.

“Reno? Where are you going?! I thought we were just going to look!”

“I am just looking,” said Reno, eyes wandering over the large machine that sat in the center of the room. It looked to be some sort of weapon… a laser of some kind. Not something he’d expected Hojo to be working on… Along the wall, various small, furry creatures whined in their cages. Reno circled the machine, noting that it seemed to be controlled by a computer console that sat nearby.

“Ok, Reno… We’ve seen it. Now get out of there before we get caught!” Elena called nervously from the doorway.

“Yeah, yeah…” Reno responded, heading for the door.

“Automatic specimen acquisition sequence initiated.”

Reno spun back, looking for the source of the unexpected voice, eyes coming to rest on the computer screen, which now displayed of digital image of himself.

“Specimen acquired. Beginning age reversal protocol.”

His eyes widened as the strange machine began to move on its own, powering up and taking aim by itself… directly at him.

“Shit!” He turned and ran for the door. Elena gasped as a bright orange beam was emitted from the machine. The beam struck Reno in the back, and seemed to freeze him in place as the light intensified to the point that Elena had to avert her eyes. She heard Reno call out to her for help, but there was nothing she could do. When she turned back, only Reno’s clothes remained, sitting in a heap on the floor.

“Oh my god…” she whispered, eyes fixated on the rumpled blue suit. A soft whimpering could be heard over the frightened whines of the caged specimens along the wall. The whimpers soon became a loud wail, and Elena stared into the room in confusion. Something under the pile of clothes suddenly moved.

Elena stepped cautiously into the lab, keeping an eye on the machine, and pushed aside the clothes, eyes widening as she came face to face with a bawling, red-haired infant.

“R-Reno?” she stammered. The baby continued to cry. Dazed, she reached down and scooped him into her arms before making a mad dash for the door lest she end up in a similar situation. When she was safely back in the corridor, she looked down at the infant, taking in the bright red hair, still as unruly as ever. Big, aquamarine eyes gazed up at her curiously, as Elena gently grazed a finger over the twin scars that crossed his plump little cheeks. The baby stopped crying at her touch, reaching up a tiny hand toward her face.

“Oh Reno… How am I going to explain this to Tseng?” she moaned, cradling the baby against her chest.

———-

Tseng glanced at the clock. The red digital numerals read nearly eleven. He thought about heading home for the night, but dismissed the idea almost as soon as it formed… He had too much to do, and putting it off wouldn’t get it done any faster. A soft knock at the door interrupted the silence of the room.

“Enter,” he said, setting aside some reports. The door opened and Elena stepped inside, a large bundle in her arms, which appeared to be wrapped in her jacket.

“Elena… You and Reno as supposed to be guarding Hojo’s lab tonight,” he said, casting a disapproving frown at the newly recruited Turk.

“Y-yes sir, I know… But something happened, sir, and well…” Her eyes flickered from Tseng to the bundle she carried and back. The Turk leader mentally sighed… as if his day hadn’t been long enough already…

“What’s wrong?” Tseng asked with his usual calmness.

“S-sir, it’s Reno…” she began, only to interrupted as the baby began to cry again. Tseng quirked an eyebrow.

“Explain,” he ordered patiently. She hesitated for a minute, but then began rambling.

“Sir, Reno went into the lab… just for a minute… and the machine fired, but the light was so bright, and when I looked back, Reno was gone, or at least I thought he was gone, but then I heard a baby crying, so I went into the lab too, and when I found Reno he was like this!” she said, not pausing for breath until she’d completed the frantic explanation. She held out the wailing bundle in her arms as if to prove she wasn’t making it up. Tseng stood and walked over to her, pulling aside part of the jacket that enveloped the child.

He blinked in surprise, seeing the familiar features of his fellow Turk rendered upon an infant face, and for a moment he couldn’t say or do anything but stare. He fought to regain his composure. He’d never been particularly fond that scrawny little scientist, but this made him wonder about the man’s sanity.

“Only Reno…” he sighed, sounding much like an exasperated father, and shaking his head in disbelief.

“Sir, what are we going to do?” Elena asked as she tried unsuccessfully to calm Reno’s cries.

“Give him to me, and then go and find Hojo,” Tseng replied. Elena nodded and handed Reno to Tseng. He stopped crying almost immediately and lay contentedly in Tseng’s arms, miniature fingers grabbing for a lock of the Turk’s jet-black hair. The little hand captured the strands of hair and tugged sharply, making Tseng wince. The baby giggled and pulled again, harder this time.

“Find Hojo quickly,” Tseng amended, gently prying Reno’s hand open and forcing him to release the hair.

“Y-yes sir,” she replied, disappearing from the office.

“And if you run into Rude, send him up here!” he called after her.

———-

Twenty minutes later, Elena still hadn’t returned, and baby Reno refused to be set down. Each time Tseng tried, the baby would begin to wail inconsolably until he was picked up again. Tseng silently paced the room with him, wondering what was taking Elena so long. A knock at the door broke the rhythm of his pacing.

“Come in,” he called. The door opened to reveal Rude rather than Elena.

“Elena told me you wanted to see me,” the stoic Turk said, “Something about Reno and a baby…”

Obviously Elena hadn’t taken the time to fill in the details of the situation. Tseng could just imagine the thoughts that were going through Rude’s mind at the suggestion of Reno’s connection to an infant.

“Apparently there was an accident in one of Hojo’s labs,” Tseng began as the bundle in his arms began to squirm and fuss, “As a result, we’re going to be doing a little babysitting until Elena locates Hojo and we can resolve this.”

Rude stepped farther into the room, closing the door behind him, and walked over to investigate, lifting his sunglasses away from his eyes to get a better look at the baby.

“… He looks like Reno,” he commented.

“He is Reno…” Tseng corrected.

“…”

“With any luck, Elena will locate Hojo soon and he can reverse what’s been done… but until then, we’ll have to keep an eye on him,” Tseng continued, passing the baby to a very reluctant Rude. Reno promptly began trying to eat Rude’s tie, lips smacking as he gummed the strip of silk with toothless jaws.

“…” Rude pulled his tie away from Reno.

“Waaaaaaaah!!!” the baby cried, and Tseng cringed at the sheer volume of the scream. Rude quickly placed his tie back in Reno’s tiny fist and he quieted, returning it to his mouth and happily sucking on it. Had it not been for the seriousness of the situation, Tseng might have laughed at the sight of Rude standing there, silent and still and obviously clueless as to the proper course of action, while a baby sucked on various articles of his clothing.

At last someone knocked on the door, and a general sense of relief washed over both men as Tseng bid the expected visitors enter. The relief was short-lived, however, when they saw that Elena was alone.

“I’m sorry sir, but Hojo has left for the night…” she said. Tseng inwardly groaned. Rude looked down at Reno.

“Now what?” he asked.

“I suppose one of us will just have to take care of him for the night,” Tseng replied, glancing at Elena.

“B-but sir… I don’t know the first thing about children!” she said defensively, pointedly moving a step or two away from Reno and Rude. Tseng turned his gaze on the other Turk.

“Same here,” Rude said quickly. Tseng sighed.

“Very well… I’m sure that between the three of us we can figure things out… We’ll just stay here tonight,” he stated. No one argued. Just then, Reno began to cry again. The other three Turks turned their eyes to him simultaneously.

“What’s wrong?” Elena asked, not really sure who she should be addressing on such a matter.

“Maybe he wants someone else to hold him,” Rude replied, handing Reno back to Tseng. The baby continued to wail.

“Perhaps he wants Elena to hold him,” Tseng said, passing the bundle to the female Turk. If anything, Reno screamed louder.

“M-maybe he’s hungry?” Elena said uncertainly.

“It’s a thought… Elena, go and find an open store and bring back… whatever we need…” Tseng said, taking back the squalling Reno.

“But… I don’t know what…” she started, suddenly noticing the somewhat pleading look on faces of the two men, “Yes sir…”

She hurried out of the room.

———-

“Is it me, or is he getting louder by the minute?” Tseng asked as he gently rocked baby Reno in his arms. The constant, unrelenting racket he was making was beginning to grate even on Tseng’s nerves, and he wondered briefly if Reno would obey if he simply ordered him to shut up. He was almost ready to try it when the door swung open and a large pile of bags and packages walked in. Rude lifted a box of diapers from the pile and discovered Elena underneath.

“I didn’t know for sure what to get, so I got everything,” she explained, setting down the bags. Tseng gave Reno to Elena and looked through one of the bags. Baby powder, baby wipes, baby bottles, baby formula… and finally what he had prayed he would find… aspirin.

“Good work, Elena,” he said, clutching the little bottle possessively, “You keep an eye on Reno, and I’ll go prepare a bottle for him.”

“I’ll help you,” Rude stated, quickly grabbing the bottles and powdered formula before his leader could reach for them. The two men disappeared from the room before anything more could be said, leaving Elena with the ceaselessly crying Reno.

———-

Reno’s sobbing could be heard from halfway down the hall as Tseng and Rude returned with the bottle. A sudden cry that was clearly not Reno’s caused them to quicken their pace. They entered the room to find Elena seated in one of the chairs in front of the desk, desperately trying to pry Reno’s hand off of one of her earrings.

“Ow! Reno, let go!… Ouch!” her eyes lifted momentarily to look at the other two men, “Ow! Oh, sir… Please… Help!”

Tseng stepped forward and coaxed Reno’s fingers open. The baby began to scream louder still, it seemed, in protest of having his new toy taken from him.

“Rude… give him the bottle,” Tseng said. The three Turks breathed a collective sigh of relief as Reno accepted the proffered bottle and began to suckle. Elena took the bottle from Rude, holding it while Reno ate. Tseng sank down in another chair, enjoying the sudden quiet, and noticing for the first time that while they were gone, Elena had put Reno in a diaper and the jacket he had previously been wrapped in had been replaced with a baby blanket. Reno drained the bottle quickly, and lay giggling happily in Elena’s arms.

“Ya know… He’s kinda cute when he’s not screaming his head off,” she commented as she tickled Reno. She stifled a yawn, “I guess we should try and get him to sleep…”

Tseng glanced over at the clock. One thirty. No wonder he was tired. Reno, on the other hand, looked wide awake.

“I have a feeling that’s not going to be an especially easy task,” Tseng sighed. Elena carried Reno over to the couch and set him down next to Rude. His crying quickly resumed, tears streaming from the innocent blue-green eyes as his tiny hands reached out toward Elena, begging to be picked up again. Rude shook his head and lifted the baby onto his lap, calming him and restoring the peace in the room.

“Any ideas?” he asked.

———-

“Your turn, sir,” a very sleepy Elena said, handing Reno to Tseng before collapsing onto the couch next to Rude. Tseng began to pace the room… just as Elena had been doing for the last forty minutes, and as Rude had been doing for the forty minutes before that. It was nearly three in morning, and still Reno was awake, protesting loudly if anyone made so much as an attempt at setting him down. They had decided that they would take turns holding him until he fell asleep, though Tseng was beginning to fear that this could go on all night.

Rude was out cold, and Elena was halfway there. Tseng was feeling the lateness of the hour as well… or rather the earliness.

“I don’t suppose you would at least be willing to let me sit down for awhile…” he said to the baby in his arms. Reno gurgled softly in response. ‘I hope that was yes,’ Tseng thought as he sat down on the couch between Elena and Rude. He felt his eyelids beginning to get heavy, and he leaned his head back. Reno squirmed in his arms, but settled down after a moment, and when Tseng looked down, he found him fast asleep.

“Thank goodness,” he sighed softly, finally allowing his own eyes to close.

———-

“Waaaaaaaah!!!”

Tseng, Rude, and Elena were jarred from sleep as one by the cry.

“W-what’s wrong now?” Elena stammered, still half-asleep, almost yelling in order to be heard over Reno.

“Is he hungry again?” asked Rude. Tseng reached for a bottle and held it for Reno.

“It seems not,” Tseng replied, as the baby repeatedly turned his head away. Elena plucked Reno away from Tseng, allowing the Turk leader to at last move his arm, which had fallen asleep. Tseng massaged the limb, trying to be rid of the pins-and-needles sensation. Elena cuddled Reno, talking softly to him. She walked the room with him. She offered the pacifier she’d bought, but all to no avail. Finally, she gave up and handed him to Rude.

“You try,” she said.

“…”

Tseng looked up from the shopping bag he was rifling through.

“What’s that smell?” he asked, the tone of his voice telling his fellow Turks that he already had a pretty good idea. Rude suddenly noticed the odor as well, and held the screaming baby at arm’s length.

———-

“You do it,” said Rude.

“No… You do it!” Elena responded.

“Well, someone do it, before he drives us all insane with that incessant wailing!” Tseng said, voice rising in pitch with each word. The other two Turks stared at the infant.

“You do it,” Rude repeated, looking at Elena.

“No… You do it!”

“Fine! I’ll do it!” Tseng announced. Rude and Elena looked at their normally cool and collected leader for a moment in surprise, before quickly stepping aside and moving as far away from the desk that was being used as a changing table as the room allowed…

———-

Seven in the morning, and all three Turks were exhausted. Reno had slept a grand total of two hours, as near as Tseng could figure… And none of that time had been consecutive.

“Elena, go and see if Hojo is here yet,” Tseng said as he swallowed the last two aspirin in the bottle.

“Yes sir,” she said, happily complying before something could upset Reno once again.

Soon, and much to the relief of the two men left behind, Elena walked back into the room, a pale, sickly-looking man following her, his black hair slicked back and tied in a ponytail at the nape of his neck.

“Just what is this babbling woman going on about? And why have you brought me here? I was in the middle of an important experiment! My specimens need tending to,” a very irate Hojo fumed. Unfortunately, the scientist’s loud complaints disturbed Reno and, of course, more crying ensued.

“He just fell asleep,” Rude moaned in frustration, glaring at Hojo from behind his sunglasses.

“That is what this is all about!” Tseng said, yelling to make himself heard.

“What are you talking about?”

“It seems that one of your projects has turned one of my Turks into… this…” Tseng said, motioning toward the baby.

Hojo made his way over to where Reno and Rude were sitting on the couch, leaning over and examining the howling child.

“Ah, how wonderful… This saves me the trouble of sacrificing one of my assistants as the first human test subject…” Hojo said, grinning maniacally, “Yes, he’ll make and excellent specimen… I must start the tests immediately. First some blood work, I think, and then some tissue samples… Of course we won’t really know anything until I have a chance to dissect him…”

“Dissect him?!” Elena squeaked in horror, “You can’t dissect Reno!”

Hojo laughed, “And just what do you want me to do? Change him back?”

“That is exactly what we want you to do,” Tseng replied, words laced with unspoken threat. Hojo took a step back from the baby.

“But… but… My research! He would be invaluable to the project!” he protested, his irritatingly nasal voice rising in volume to compete with Reno’s sobbing.

“And keep your voice down,” Tseng added, ignoring Hojo’s whining, “You’re upsetting Reno.”

The sound of the crying infant suddenly subsided, and the adults in the room turned to see Reno now enraptured with sucking on one of Rude’s fingers. The bald Turk just shrugged.

“Now…” Tseng said calmly, “You will go down to your lab, make whatever preparations necessary, and get my Turk back to his old… and I mean that in every sense of the word… self. Is that understood?”

“I hope you realize that by not allowing me the opportunity to study this specimen, you’ve set my research back Jenova-only-knows how long,” Hojo grumbled, heading for the door, “It may take a few days to reconfigure the machine.”

“A few days?” the three Turks repeated, paling slightly as the scientist walked out.

———-

“Good baby, Reno,” Elena said sleepily, “No more crying…”

Her eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. None of them had wanted to be left on their own with the infant, and so for three days they had all but moved into Tseng’s office, taking short breaks one at a time to run home for anything they needed.

Of the three of them, Tseng was the only one who had managed to retain any semblance of his normal demeanor, and even he was becoming unusually short-tempered. Elena had become almost robotic in her movements, probably due to exhaustion, and Rude kept muttering something about never having children.

Reno, for the moment, seemed content and cheerful, giggling as the female Turk bounced him lightly up and down on her knee, and watching her, even Tseng had to admit that Reno really was an adorable baby… adorable, that is, when he wasn’t crying or screaming, or putting things in his mouth that didn’t belong there, or attempting to rip out tiny fistfuls of hair from whomever happened to be holding him, or in need of changing, or intent on staying up all night long…

“Sir, do you think Hojo will be able to change him back today?” asked Elena.

“With any luck,” Tseng replied.

“Oh… well… Good,” she said.

“You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

“Well, it’s just… I think I’m going to miss him,” Elena said, tickling the child and eliciting a squeal of delight from him. She made a futile attempt to stifle a yawn, “Even if he has kept us from sleeping for the last three days…”

“She’s gone insane,” Rude said, words muffled by the pillow he’d placed over his face nearly an hour ago. Tseng wasn’t sure if he was trying to block out his surroundings so he could get some sleep, or smother himself.

“Elena, I don’t think Reno would appreciate being left like this… And I don’t think Rude and I, or you for that matter, can take this much longer,” Tseng said. Rude made a quiet grunt of affirmation.

“I know sir… I’m just saying that I’ll miss him. He’s such a sweet little thing when he’s happy.”

“He’ll still be Reno once Hojo changes him back,” Tseng reminded her.

“Yes, sir,” Elena replied, sighing. Tseng groaned inwardly at the note of disappointment in her voice. She was getting far too attached to the baby, and he was beginning to agree with Rude’s earlier assessment of her sanity. He mentally ordered Hojo to hurry before they all lost their minds.

———-

“Set the specimen on that table,” Hojo said, motioning to the small raised platform in the center of the lab. A number of men and women in lab coats bustled around the room, some tending to the animals in the cages on the far wall, others looking over the machine itself, which sat several feet away from the table. Tseng refrained from mentioning that the so-called “specimen” had a name, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible. The lab had an unnerving air to it, a combination of claustrophobic smallness, and the sterile, unnaturally sanitary feeling of a hospital. He watched as Elena set Reno down on the table. The baby quickly made known his distaste for being abandoned, the now-familiar distressed sobbing filling the air.

“Now, if you’ll all step over here please,” Hojo said, as he beckoned the three Turks over to where he and his staff were standing. They quickly obeyed. “Alright… Begin the procedure.”

A loud hum could be heard from the machine as it began to power up, the long, gun-like arm swinging in a half-circle to target the table and the child that lay on it. Currents of orange energy spiraled along the length of the barrel, accumulating in a translucent sphere of light at the tip of the array before suddenly widening into a shimmering beam that shot out toward the table. All three Turks, even Rude with his ever-present sunglasses, were forced to turn away as the light grew brighter and more intense, filling the room first with an eerie glow and then a blinding pulse of illumination. The hum of the machine died down to a low whine, and the light faded.

“Splendid!” Hojo’s voice cried, in chorus with murmurs of agreement and congratulations from his staff, “It worked just as expected.”

Tseng dared to look at the table in the center of the room, and much to his relief, Reno lay there, curled in a fetal position and unconscious, but thankfully restored to his normal self.

“You, draw some blood… and you…” Hojo began, only to falter in mid-sentence as he received a dangerous glare from each of the three conscious Turks.

“But… My research! Have you no respect for science?!” he protested. Just then, the computer that controlled the machine began to beep in alarm.

“No!” Hojo cried, “It’s overloading!”

Tseng watched as a spectacular shower of sparks erupted from the equipment, filling the room with a thick, rancid smoke as the entire assemblage short-circuited and burst into flames. Hojo sank to his knees.

“My machine… My beautiful machine…” he moaned, and then turned to scowl at the Turks, “Get out of my lab!”

Rather than deal with the angry scientist, Tseng motioned for Rude to retrieve Reno, and they slipped silently out the door, leaving Hojo to lament the loss of his precious research.

———-

“Um… sir?”

“Yes, Elena?”

“Shouldn’t we find him some clothes?” Elena asked, feeling a slight blush stain her cheeks as she glanced at Reno, asleep on the couch. He was wrapped as well as could be managed in a baby blanket, which was far too small to cover much.

“I’ve already sent Rude. He should be back soon. I suppose this is something we should have thought of sooner,” Tseng replied.

They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

“Alright… I have just one question for you two…” a voice drawled, breaking that silence. Reno lay on the couch, eyes riveted on the his fellow Turks.

“And what might that be?” Tseng asked, mildly surprised by Reno’s sudden return to consciousness.

“Why in the hell am I naked?!” the red-haired Turk shouted, confusion, embarrassment, anger, and perhaps even a bit of fear written plainly across his features. Elena burst into giggling laughter, rendering her unable to explain.

“What?! What’s so funny?” Reno asked.

“Reno… Do you by any chance remember what happened after you disobeyed your orders and entered Hojo’s lab?” Tseng asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“You… uh… You know about that, huh?” Reno replied, casting Elena a look that clearly said ‘You talk too much,’ which only made her laugh harder.

“Then you don’t remember the last three and a half days at all?” Tseng prodded, unable to surpress the amused smile any longer.

“Three and a half… days?” Reno responded, not quite sure he really wanted to hear the explanation.

“Reno? Did you know that you were just the absolute, most cutest baby?” Elena asked, pausing in her mirth just long enough to get the question out. Reno just stared at her, uncomprehending.

“Adorable,” Tseng agreed, “And loud… Very, very loud…” he added, before launching into an account of what had happened, sparing none of the details. Perhaps this would teach Reno a lesson about disobeying orders…

Then again, this was Reno, after all…

-fin-