Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

Chapter 3: Rude Awakenings

“She’s going to pay for this,” Reno hissed, stalking unannounced into Tseng’s office. Really more of an office within an office, Tseng’s desk was separated from the shared workspace the other Turks occupied by a soundproof wall. Being that it was primarily in place for the sole purpose of being able to have a private conversation, Tseng typically left the door open to the rest of the room… though, he mused, even were that not his typical habit, he suspected Reno would never have bothered knocking anyway.

“What…” Tseng began, slowly looking up from the email he’d been reading, “… now? Oh, I see.” He fought back the bemused smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth and cleared his throat. The reason for Reno’s decidedly irritated demeanor was readily apparent… and Tseng had a feeling he already knew who was responsible, as well.

“She’s gone too far…” Reno growled, “She really has… You need to do something about her, boss.”

“Calm down, Reno. I’m sure it will wash out.” Reno, however, was either far too into his rant to hear him, or simply chose to ignore him entirely.

“My hair is blue, Tseng… BLUE! Fucking toilet-bowl blue! I look like a goddamn ocean chocobo!” Reno all but screamed, his voice rising a full octave. Tseng was trying too hard not to laugh to make any kind of comment on that. Reno had a flair for the dramatic on occasion, and this was shaping up to be one of those times. “Do you have any idea what it’s like being forced to walk around this building with blue hair? Those bastards down in the lobby are probably still laughing their asses off!”

“How could she do something like this to me?” Reno continued, pacing the room.

“I would hazard a guess that it has something to do with the cayenne pepper incident on Monday,” Tseng, having finally regained enough control to keep a straight face, replied calmly. Again, Reno didn’t acknowledge his response.

“The question is, what am I going to do to get her back for this?” Reno added, this time more to himself than to Tseng – if that were even possible. Tseng had the distinct impression he had never actually been a part of this ‘conversation’ to begin with.

He sighed. This was getting just a little ridiculous… though he had to admit – to himself… certainly not to anyone else should they inquire – it had been rather amusing to watch. And given that Reno and Elena had kept their little feud confined to off-duty hours and times during the day when their pranks wouldn’t interfere with business as usual, he couldn’t really justify officially reprimanding either one of them. Reno flicked a lock of azure hair out of his face.

“I don’t suppose you could possibly take the mature route for once, and just let it go?”

Reno turned then, and suddenly seemed to realize that he was not, in fact, talking to himself. The former redhead flashed him a mischievous grin. “You know me better than that, Boss…”

“Mmm… I thought as much,” Tseng replied. This had been the pattern for more than two weeks now. First had been the photo of Reno dressed in a maid’s uniform… showing far too much leg for Tseng’s taste, but Elena had certainly captured the moment expertly. Rude had left his copy hanging on the wall for three days before Reno had finally managed to bribe him into removing it. Tseng didn’t have the heart to tell him that Rude had actually just relocated it to the archive room, the one area of the Turks headquarters within the Shinra Building that Reno made it a point to stay out of, as every time he ventured inside, Tseng was inevitably reminded to get on him about his backlog of incident reports.

Reno had returned the favor the following afternoon by airlifting Elena’s car to the roof of the Shinra Building and refusing to bring it back down. The rookie had finally been forced to appeal to Tseng for help, as she was not trained as a pilot herself.

Elena then retaliated by emailing the aforementioned picture to every employee in the building… for which Reno had reciprocated by breaking into her apartment and doing a little creative tailoring work on her uniforms. And so it had gone on, back and forth, day after day, neither one of them willing to call a truce.

“Good morning, sir. Good morning, Reno… love what you’ve done with your hair,” a cheery voice called from the open doorway. Reno cast the interloper a glare that could have warped steel.

“Good morning, Elena,” Tseng said, stopping Reno before he had a chance to reply… or go for his mag-rod. He wasn’t quite sure which the younger man had in mind at the moment. “I’m sure you’ll both be happy to know that the two of you will be working together today.” The smile dropped from Elena’s face so fast that, for a moment, Tseng wondered if he’d imagined it, and Reno looked downright indignant at the very idea.

“President Shinra will be traveling to Junon this morning to welcome the new recruits to Soldier. The two of you are going to accompany him as his guard detail,” he went on, ignoring their responses.

“Yes, sir,” Elena said, automatically, looking markedly more pleased now that she’d been given such a notable assignment. Probationary Turks were seldom given that level of responsibility. Reno, on the other hand, paled.

“Tseng… You can’t seriously expect me to go out in public looking like this!” he groaned, mortified, as he gestured to his shockingly bright blue hair. Elena tried and failed to hide her not-so-quiet snicker behind a cough. Reno inwardly cringed at the thought of being forced to face a crowd of new recruits looking like this while the president delivered one of his long-winded speeches. Oh yeah… the rookie was definitely gonna get it.

“I expect you to follow orders… And I expect both of you to behave professionally. If I hear otherwise…”

“You won’t, sir,” Elena quickly stated. Tseng looked pointedly at Reno.

“Yeah, I got it…” Reno said, looking defeated.

“Then get going. You’re expected on the helipad in ten,” Tseng ordered. Elena nodded curtly and marched herself out the door.

“You sure you can’t have Rude do this instead of me?” Reno asked imploringly once Elena was out of earshot, “Don’t make me beg, Tseng…”

“I’m afraid not. Rude is otherwise engaged this morning,” Tseng replied, the barest hint of a smile turning up the corners of his mouth. Reno, however, didn’t seem to notice, and muttering a less than enthusiastic “Yes, sir…”, he headed off after Elena. Once he was finally alone again, Tseng allowed the smile to spread across his face in earnest, rereading the email Rude had sent him earlier.

---

It wasn’t hard to pick out Rude among the scattered people who littered the small restaurant that afternoon. Then again, it wasn’t all that difficult a task to spot the six foot three, intimidating bald man in just about any environment. Tseng walked over and joined him at his table, where Rude was calmly sipping a glass of merlot and enjoying a plate of chicken marsala.

“So, tell me… just what did you have in mind?” Tseng asked. The message had been short on details… Rude had simply requested leave to set up a little surprise for Reno and Elena, and asked Tseng to join him here for lunch. Rude smirked and tossed Tseng a key. Printed on the keychain were the words “Sordid Rose Inn, Room 212” and an address somewhere on the Sector 3 plate.

“Sometimes I forget how delightfully twisted you can be…” Tseng chuckled.

“Try the veal,” was all he said in reply, as their waitress approached.

---

‘This is never going to end,’ Reno thought to himself. He subtly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, trying not to draw attention away from President Shinra. He’d been standing there for well over an hour now, watching the gathered crowd from his position on the platform, just behind and to the right of the president. The rookie stood to the man’s left, keeping an eye on her half of the crowd, and making a point of not looking at Reno. The trip to Junon had been a tense one for her… and not just because she was sharing space with her boss’ boss’ boss. Reno had made it very clear, without ever saying a word to her, that he was not happy about the liberty she’d taken with his hair.

To her credit, he’d never even seen it coming. Nothing had seemed the least bit out of place this morning. If his hair hadn’t started turning blue as it dried from his shower, he wouldn’t have ever known she’d been in his apartment. And even Reno had to admit that the delayed color change was nice touch. It had ensured that he wouldn’t have time to attempt to fix it before he was due at work. He had no idea what she’d used on him, and still wasn’t sure when exactly she’d rigged it. One thing he was certain of, though… all of his bath products were going in the trash when he got home. He had found the source of the dye, but he wasn’t about to take a chance on any more… surprises.

By now, even the recruits, who had seemed so eager and attentive when the president had stepped up to the podium, were beginning to look bored. Some of them shifted restlessly, undoubtedly tired of standing at attention… Others were turning their gaze towards the two Turks instead. Or more specifically, towards Reno. Any other time, it wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest… today though… Today, he knew exactly why he was drawing their attention, and he didn’t like it one bit. Reno had never considered himself especially vain. Generally speaking, he really couldn’t care less how he looked… he wasn’t being paid to be a fashion plate, after all… but there were limits to even his apathy. And being set up as a public spectacle because his hair had taken on a shade of blue to rival the waters of Costa del Sol was apparently one of them.

Reno scowled at a few of the young men and women, deflecting some of the more blatant stares, but it made little difference. The unnerving feeling of being trapped under the microscope refused to abate. And still the man droned on and on…

---

Rude had been right. The veal was delicious.

“I assume you also have something in mind to…” he began, only to pause mid-sentence as his lunch companion reached into his jacket and placed a small vial in the center of the table. The label bore the Shinra insignia… obviously something from the labs.

“I’m not sure I entirely approve of that,” the Turk leader stated. It was all fun and games until someone ended up drugged. While the Turks held to the general philosophy that the ends justified the means, turning that doctrine on two of his own teammates didn’t sit well with him. On the other hand… things were beginning to escalate between Reno and Elena, and playing dirty might be for the best. He sighed.

“Alright,” Tseng said at last. He took another bite of his lunch. Tonight was going to be interesting…

---

“Thank god… I didn’t think that would ever end,” Elena muttered under her breath as President Shinra disappeared into the executive helicopter.

“Yeah? Tell me about it…” Reno replied bitterly, coming up behind her. Elena jumped. She had thought he’d hung back to watch the rear. The tone in his voice almost made her feel sorry for him… until she thought back to the morning she’d discovered that every one of her uniforms had been coated in glitter – which she was still finding all over her damn apartment – and edged with red fringe.

No, she definitely didn’t feel sorry for him. He had it coming. The two Turks boarded the helicopter and passed the trip back to Midgar without speaking to one another.

---

“Finally. Quittin’ time!” he cried, practically leaping to his feet. Reno had been watching the clock off and on since he and Elena had returned from Junon. He’d been starting to wonder if it was running backwards every time he looked away. “Come on, Rude… After the day I’ve had, I need a drink or twenty.”

He marched past Elena without so much as a sideways glance, and grabbed Rude by the arm, intent on dragging the man along with him whether he was ready to leave or not. Reno was more than ready to get away from the muffled laughter that seemed to follow him wherever he went… or at least get drunk enough that he just didn’t notice it anymore. That was where Rude came in. Odds were good that someone was going to have to haul his ass home later. Odds were also good that he’d regret it in the morning, but a minor hangover was a small price to pay.

“Give us a moment, and we’ll join you,” Tseng’s voice called out just as Reno had nearly made his escape. He turned, looking at the other man quizzically.

“Boss?” Tseng wasn’t overly fond of the sort of nightlife Reno and Rude usually partook of. Not to say that he never came along for an evening, but it was rare. And what the hell did he mean by “we”? Surely he wasn’t planning on bringing the rookie along.

“Care to join us, Elena?” Tseng asked in an offhanded manner. Reno visibly cringed at his words. Apparently he was planning on bringing her. Great.

“Y-yes sir!” she stammered out, caught off-guard by the unexpected invitation. She happily gathered her belongings and took Tseng’s proffered hand as he helped her to her feet. Reno’s obvious aversion to her coming would be an added bonus to spending time outside of work with Tseng. Reno looked to Rude, silently asking what was going on… Rude merely shrugged.

“Ah hell, whatever… Let’s just go already.” Reno turned back toward the door, pulling his partner along behind him.

---

Reno sat at the bar with Rude, his mood much improved over when he’d left the office. His complaints about his day, his hair, Elena – which had been unending during the drive over – had ceased almost the moment they’d arrived.

Tseng smiled. It really didn’t take much to pull Reno out of a dark mood. It was a trait he found somewhat fascinating about the younger man, particularly given the way he’d grown up. Anyone else likely would have become an eternal pessimist, and not entirely unjustifiably, either. Reno, on the other other hand, seldom remained perturbed about anything for long, always managing to find a brighter outlook. Even as much as he complained about Elena’s retaliations, Tseng could tell that his friend enjoyed the challenge.

Speaking of Elena… Tseng, for one, was grateful for the relative peace in the bar. It was a bit more upscale than the ones he usually found himself in when he ventured out with those two. He and the rookie Turk were seated at a small table set off to one side. The conversation had been little more than small-talk, as Tseng patiently waited for Rude’s signal.

“Sir, may I ask you something?” Elena said, looking up from her drink.

“Of course,” Tseng replied.

“Has Reno… er… mentioned anything he might be planning? Because of the blue hair, I mean…”

“Worried?” He couldn’t exactly blame her. That Reno would get her back was a given. It was just a matter of when and how.

“Well… a little, sir. I think he was a lot more embarrassed… and angrier… than I’d intended…” she said awkwardly, “I… I think I might have gone a little too far. Especially after the president made a comment on the trip back…”

“Did he? Reno didn’t mention that…”

“Y-yes, sir. I didn’t hear exactly what he said, but, um… Reno didn’t look too thrilled.” she elaborated. Tseng laughed.

“I wouldn’t be too concerned. I’m quite sure Reno’s ego will survive the blow,” he replied, “But to answer your question, no. He hasn’t mentioned any elaborate schemes of revenge to me today. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Yes sir,” said Elena, twisting her napkin in her hands. Tseng decided to take pity on the poor girl and placed a hand over one of Elena’s tightly clenched fists.

“I’m sure it won’t be anything you can’t handle,” he said reassuringly, “Besides which… once you’ve gotten to know Reno a bit better, I think you’ll find that his sense of humor actually makes him quite forgiving about that sort of thing.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, unconvinced.

“Ask him some time about the first time he was assigned to Rufus’ guard detail,” Tseng said mysteriously, “If he can laugh about that he can laugh about anything.”

Elena finished her drink, and Tseng ordered her a second. He watched Rude and Reno out of the corner of his eye, and eventually caught sight of Rude’s almost imperceptible nod and his hand moving oh-so-subtly to drop something into Reno’s glass. When Elena suddenly turned to glance suspiciously at the pair, Tseng took the opportunity to pour a small amount of white powder into her drink as well, watching it quickly dissolve and disappear.

---

“Heh… Wait’ll she gets home ‘n finds out what I did this afternoon…” Reno slurred, as he finished off the last few drops in his glass,”… it’s… gonna be… awesome…”

As the last syllable left his lips, he fell forward, his head hitting the counter in front of him with a loud thud. Rude smirked and patted his comrade’s shoulder. He looked over at Tseng and Elena, watching as the latter slumped over in her chair, the former moving quickly to catch her before she could hit the floor. Rude hoisted Reno from his barstool and slung him over one shoulder, carrying him effortlessly toward Tseng. The Turk leader was a bit less cavalier with his victim, lifting Elena into his arms and letting her head rest on his shoulder. They ignored the odd looks they received from some of the bar’s other patrons and headed for Rude’s car and on to Sector 3.

---

The Sordid Rose was aptly name, Tseng decided. The building was unremarkable, almost hidden amongst the more respectable businesses of the area, occupying half the length of a short side-street and rising a mere four stories. It was dwarfed by the taller offices and stores that surrounded it. It’s entrance, likewise, was easy to miss, tucked away as it was, with its nondescript sign and windowless lobby.

The woman at the desk barely acknowledged them as they entered. She glanced up from her book at Rude and the burden he carried over one shoulder, and then back down again without batting an eye. It seemed they were nothing out of the ordinary.

“Come here often?” Tseng asked, only half serious, but genuinely curious, as they mounted the stairs to the second floor. He’d thought he was well-acquainted with the seedier side of Midgar… but he’d never had occasion to visit this particular location. Rude gave him a smug look.

“Midgar still have some secrets from you, Tseng?”

“Apparently.”

“Found it a couple years back,” Rude replied, pausing in front of room 212, and fishing the key from his pocket, “Informant was in trouble with Corneo. He was hiding out here… had to come and collect him.”

The room was small and in desperate need of a coat of paint… preferably of a color that didn’t turn a person’s stomach to look at it. Tseng couldn’t decide whether the hideous brownish-yellow hue that covered the walls was the result of filth or just time and neglect. He didn’t bother attempting to find out.

It was sparsely furnished, the bed taking up most of the space all on its own. Besides that, there was only a rickety night table and a badly abused chair whose upholstery was split along one side exposing the padding underneath. A single curtainless window looked out over a fire escape, giving the occupants of the room a wonderful view of the wall of the building on the opposite side of the alley.

Rude dropped Reno unceremoniously onto the bed, while Tseng was a bit more considerate of Elena, setting her down gently.

“Shall we?” Rude asked.

“You’re enjoying this far too much,” Tseng replied, smirking.

---

Elena groaned and stared at the backs of her eyelids. Sunlight had stirred her from sleep and she was definitely not ready to face it yet. Her head still felt fuzzy and she had a truly awful taste in her mouth. She rolled over, shying away from the source of the light, and found something soft and warm. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around it, pulling it close, sighing in content as she snuggled against it. So soft… So warm… So… Moving?

Her eyes snapped open and her breathing quickened as panic set in. Feeling slightly ill, she took in the unfamiliar surroundings. Where was she? How had she gotten here? And, more importantly, who the fuck was she in bed with?! She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and clutching her own half of the thin, threadbare blanket against bare skin. With a feeling of dread, she realized that she couldn’t remember anything after going to the bar last night with Tseng and the others…

‘Tseng?’ she thought, hesitantly reaching to pull back the covers.

---

A blood-curdling scream wrenched Reno from a peaceful sleep, and he sat up, his mind frantically playing catch-up as he tried to determine where the hell he was and why he was suddenly not asleep. His gaze at last locked onto a blond-haired figure clutching a blanket to her chest, and staring at him with a mixture of horror, revulsion, and utter shock. He blinked, still dazed from being so rudely awakened. Reno’s eyes widened as bedmate’s face came better into focus.

‘Oh fuck…’ he thought, as recognition set in, and he let out a scream to echo Elena’s…

---

Across the hall in room 211, the sound of twin screams could be heard from elsewhere on the floor, barely muffled at all by the paper thin walls. It was the sound the room’s two occupants had been waiting hours to hear.

“Sounds like they’re awake,” Rude said, reclining back in a chair, his feet propped up on the nightstand. Tseng turned away from the window he’d been standing at.

“So it would seem,” he answered with a soft chuckle, “What do you supposed the odds are of this actually putting an end to all this nonsense?”

“Slim to none,” Rude replied, “So we might as well enjoy it. How long do we let ’em suffer?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Tseng admitted, with an uncharacteristically sadistic grin.

-fin-