Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

‘Twas the day before Christmas,
That great shopping time…
Oh yes, I should add,
This tale is in rhyme…
‘Twas the day before Christmas,
As I have said,
And poor Reno the Turk
Was out of his head.
Months he had spent now,
Putting it off
And making excuses,
(Like a cold or a cough).
He’d bought not one gift,
Neither thoughtful nor lewd.
‘Twas the day before Christmas
And he thought, ‘Man, I’m screwed…’
So off to the mall
He flew like a flash
Grabbing his credit cards
And a fistful of cash.
The mall it was packed,
Full of last minute shoppers
Buying everything in sight
From shoes to drain stoppers.
He nearly got trampled
As he walked in the door
But he somehow avoided
Being knocked to the floor.
“Where do I start?”
He muttered aloud
As he pushed his way into
The huge Christmas crowd.
They stepped on his feet
And elbowed him, too,
Pushed him and shoved him
As he tried to get through…
He was making no progress
In reaching a shop
And he tried to think how
He could make this all stop.
Then a devilish grin
Crept o’er Reno’s face,
And he thought to himself,
‘Screw it… I’ll put them in their place.’
His electro-rod crackled
On that last shopping day
As the shoppers soon learned
To get out of his way.
To make a long story short,
Since he had nothing to lose,
He bought his friends each
A bottle of booze.

-fin-