Taking Care of Reno
Alternate Chapter 6: Mr. Foo-Foo’s Day Out
Author’s note: This is an alternate plot for part 6… not part of the actual Taking Care of Reno storyline. (I misplaced the notebook I was writing this in originally and ended up starting over from scratch. Thus the second version was posted as Part 6 instead of this one.) This version of events is entirely for those curious about the original version of Part 6, and is not to be taken as part of this series’ plotline.
———-
“You look like hell.”
He felt like hell, too, but decided against saying so. That was probably the longest sentence he’d hear from Rude for the rest of the morning. Reno honestly couldn’t remember being so tired in his life.
“Yeah… I’m goin’ for a new look… Like it?” he finally muttered in reply.
“…”
Reno let his head flop back and closed his eyes, determined to will himself to sleep, if only for just a few minutes. At just that moment, his attempt at a nap was foiled by an overwhelmingly cheerful and far-too-chipper-for-seven-in-the-morning voice.
“Good morning!” Elena all but shouted to the other two Turks. Reno winced and sat up, glaring at her, “God, Reno… What happened to you? You look terrible…”
“Thanks for noticing,” he said, dryly, “For your information, I haven’t been sleeping real well lately.”
“Yeah? How come?”
He very nearly answered that question, but it seemed that for once the Fates were going to give him a break, as his half-awake mind caught up with his mouth just in time to stop him from uttering the name of a certain stuffed toy…
“Don’t really know,” he answered. There was no way in hell he was going to let Rude find out about Mr. Foo-Foo… It was bad enough that Elena knew, the little blabbermouth. He was still living in constant fear that she’d blurt out what was probably his most humiliating secret in front of the others.
“Don’t really know what?”
Reno gave a startled yelp at the sound of the new voice, and nearly fell off the arm of the overstuffed chair he was perched on. ‘Man, I must really be out of it… Didn’t ever hear him come in…’ Reno thought to himself, as he swiveled to meet the gaze of the man who was suddenly standing directly behind him. Tseng raised an eyebrow, taking in Reno’s – more than usual – disheveled appearance. He was used to the younger man’s seemingly natural sloppiness… but this morning, Reno looked like he’d gotten dressed – not to mention shaved, eaten, and been trampled by wild chocobos – in the dark.
“He couldn’t sleep last night,” Elena offered, as Reno didn’t seem intent upon answering any time within the next hour.
“Or the night before last,” Reno mumbled, “Or the night before that… or the night before that… or the night…”
Tseng held up a hand, motioning for the Turk to stop. “Just how long have you been awake?” he asked. Reno thought for a long moment.
“Uhhh… What day is it?” he asked at last.
“Go home, Reno.”
“But…”
“You’re no good to anyone like this. Go home and get some rest. Consider it an order,” said Tseng.
“Yeah, yeah…” Reno muttered, hauling himself to his feet, and sluggishly dragging himself out the door.
“Elena, would you mind…” Tseng began.
“I’ll make sure he gets home in one piece, sir,” she said quickly, already having guessed what he was about to ask. Tseng nodded and waved her off.
———-
“I’m not a child, Elena,” Reno hissed through clenched teeth as she dutifully buckled him into the passenger seat.
“Coulda fooled me…”
Reno just glared at her as she walked around to the other side of the car and climbed in.
“So come on… What’s really going on?”
“What? I just can’t sleep, ok?! It’s not a big deal!” he growled as they started toward his apartment.
“Well, you’ve got to have some idea why.”
Reno was silent. He knew exactly why he couldn’t sleep. And the worst part was, Elena was the only person he could tell without looking like a complete idiot… She already knew about Mr. Foo-Foo…
“Ha! I knew it! You do know why!” she said after a moment, interpreting his silence for what it was… hesitation, “So? Spill, already!”
“You are not to repeat one word of this to anyone…” he replied in a dangerous tone, “Not. One. Word.”
“I won’t!”
“Yeah… sure.”
“Really… You can tell me, Reno. I swear, no one else will ever know.”
Reno debated it for a moment, before finally relenting. He had to tell someone… it was driving him nuts.
“Mr.FooFooismissing,” he mumbled quickly, turning his gaze out the side window.
“Huh?”
“Mr. Foo-Foo is missing!” he cried sadly, wincing in disgust at just how pathetic he sounded. Elena very nearly ran a red light, stomping on breaks and squealing to a stop just in time, as the cross-traffic flew by.
“And that’s why you can’t sleep?!” she asked incredulously. Reno felt his face flush slightly in embarrassment.
“I’ve had him almost my entire life, ok? I’ve never had to sleep without him, and now that he’s gone, I can’t sleep at all!”
“You’ve never had to sleep without him?” Elena replied, “What about on missions?… I mean you don’t actually…”
Reno shrank down as far as he could into the seat.
“You… You bring him with you… Don’t you?!” she said, doing her best to stifle the laughter that begged for release. Reno covered his eyes with one hand, as if trying to hide from the world.
“Look… ” she continued, clearing her throat to cover up a giggle, “He’s probably just buried under a pile of junk in your apartment. I’ll help you look…”
“You will?” Reno asked, looking up at her in surprise.
“Sure… I mean, I know how much that thing means to you…”
———-
“Ewwww! I never should have offered to help… Reno, how can you live like this?!”
She was almost afraid to move beyond the threshold of the door. Elena wouldn’t have thought it possible without actually seeing it with her own eyes… but Reno’s apartment looked even worse than the last time she’d been there.
“Cleaning hasn’t exactly been my biggest priority lately… It just a little cluttered. That’s all,” Reno said with a shrug as he waded through the mess, “Just watch where you step.”
‘No kidding,’ she thought. The man was a pig. She slowly followed him inside, closing the door behind her. As she surveyed to room, she thanked the heavens that it didn’t smell the way it looked… That in itself was no small miracle, given the various remnants of food and laundry that were scattered everywhere.
“This is absolutely disgusting!” she cried, cautiously picking up what looked to be a half-eaten peanut butter and cheese sandwich, holding it gingerly between two fingers at arms length.
“Hey, that’s still good!” Reno replied as he snatched it from her hand and took a bite. Elena felt like gagging.
“Reno…” she moaned, somewhat nauseated.
“What?” he replied, mouth full of food. Elena shuddered and quickly changed the subject.
“Let’s just start in the bedroom…” she suggested, hoping that he at least kept that area relatively livable.
Reno nodded and led the way… and Elena squealed as something skittered across her feet. She leapt onto a nearby chair, scanning the floor for whatever the creature was, only to find herself falling a moment later as the chair wobbled and then tipped. She closed her eyes, picturing herself face-planting into the filth that surrounded her. Instead, she landed awkwardly in Reno’s waiting arms… Unfortunately, in his haste to catch her, he ended up throwing himself off-balance and sending them both to the floor. Reno ended up flat on his back with Elena sprawled over his body.
“You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah… Thanks.”
“Heh… What? You couldn’t wait to get to the bedroom before throwing yourself at me?” Reno teased as Elena lifted herself up.
“Shut up, Reno,” she said, reddening slightly.
“Hey, lighten up… You’re the one who suddenly decided that you could fly, remember?” said Reno, indignantly.
“There is something crawling around on the floor in here!” she replied, standing up and straightening her uniform.
“Oh… Well, that’s probably just Snuffy.”
“… Snuffy?” she asked, cocking an eyebrow and wondering what in the hell was a snuffy.
“My new pet… Kid across the hall brought him home a couple weeks ago, but his mom wouldn’t let him keep it… And before you ask, the kid named him… not me.”
“And… just what is Snuffy?” she asked, fearing the worst.
“He’s a ferret. Don’t worry… He won’t hurt ya… He’s just…”
“There’s some creepy little rat-thing wandering around in here?!” Elena cried, cutting him off.
“He’s nothing like a rat!” Reno replied defensively, “Gimme a minute and I’ll find him for ya so you can see for yourself.”
“Really, Reno… I don’t want to see it… Let’s just go find Mr. Foo-Foo so I can get out of here,” she said, inching herself away from the area Reno had started searching in, and leaning against the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen.
“I thought women loved cute little furry creatures…” he replied, stifling a yawn.
“Not when they’re…” she began, stopping abruptly as something climbed her jacket sleeve and perched on her shoulder. She turned her head slowly to look, and came face to face with two beady little eyes.
“Not when they’re what?” Reno asked, not bothering to look up.
“Get… it… off of me.”
“Huh? Oh, hey… You found him!” said Reno, catching sight of a very statue-like Elena and the little ball of fur that was nosing through her hair, “Come’re Snuffy.”
He picked up the ferret and set it on his own shoulder.
“Ugh… You know… normal people hire exterminators to get rid of things like that…”
“What? He’s a great pet. He’s quiet… He’s friendly… Pretty much takes care of himself. Wanna pet him?”
“NO!” Elena cried, jumping back a step or two, “No, I don’t want to pet your rat-thing! Let’s go find Mr. Foo-Foo. Now.”
She turned before he could say anything else and trudged off to the bedroom, hoping that Snuffy was the last of the surprises Reno’s apartment had to offer.
———-
“Alright,” she said, surveying the room, “Where did you see him last?”
“I left him on my bed, just like I always do… I’m sure of it. And when I came home from work, he was gone.”
“Well, a stuffed rabbit can’t just walk off on its own. You must have… Reno, will you please get that thing away from me!” she cried, eyeing the little ferret in Reno’s hands. He smirked and took his pet back into the other room.
“Ok,” she said when he returned, “The easiest way to do this would be to just clean up this mess a little…”
“Thought you said you’d never in a million years clean my apartment again…” he teased.
“Keep it up, and you can just look for your precious little bunny by yourself!” Elena retorted.
“Ok, ok… I’ll shut up…”
———-
“This is ridiculous… It’s got to be somewhere,” said Elena. They’d been over the entire apartment with a fine-toothed comb. No bunny… though they had found a large stash of other missing items that had been ferreted away by a certain new pet…
“Well, he’s not,” a disheartened Reno replied, “We’ve looked everywhere.”
Looking around at the now-orderly apartment, Elena had no choice but to agree. Reno sighed and sank down onto the couch.
“Now what am I gonna do?” he lamented. A knock at the door interrupted the female Turk before she could reply.
“Could you get that?” asked Reno. Elena silently complied, walking away from Reno and the rat-thing now curled on his lap. She opened the door, only to find the hall empty, and was about to step back inside when a large envelope on the floor caught her eye. “Reno” was printed across the front in bold type-written letters, and Elena quickly stooped down and retrieved it.
“Who was it?” Reno asked listlessly.
“No one… Someone just left this for you,” she said, handing him the envelope. Reno tore it open and withdrew its contents. He eyes narrowed.
“If this is your idea of a joke, I’m not laughing,” he said, scowling at her.
“W-what?” she stammered.
“Real funny, Elena… Now give him back!”
“What the hell are you talking about?!” she yelled back.
Reno shoved a large photograph into her hands.
“And don’t even try to deny that you took that! You’re the only person I’ve ever told about Mr. Foo-Foo!”
Elena looked down at the picture, and sure enough, there was the little stuffed bunny. He was gagged and tied to a section of train tracks, like the stereotypical movie heroine.
“But I didn’t… I swear!
“Then who did, huh? Who’d you tell?!”
“I didn’t tell anyone! You probably let it slip to someone when you were drunk,” she accused, tossing the picture back at him. It fluttered to the floor, landing face down, and for the first time, they notice the writing on the back.
“Dear Reno… Save me! Love, Mr. Foo-Foo…” Reno read, “Oh, that is just so wrong…”
“You know,” said Elena, picking the photo back up, “This looks like the Sector One Station… Maybe whoever left this wants you to go there.”
———-
“Whoever is doing this, is going to pay…” Reno seethed despite his growing fatigue. Their visit to the station had yielded no bunny-shaped toys, but they had found a second photo. This one depicted the small toy tied spread-eagle to a bed and blindfolded. The back contained the same message as the first.
“That room looks familiar,” said Elena studying the picture.
“It should…” Reno replied, pointing to a small mark on the grimy-looking wall next to the window. Elena squinted, trying to make it out.
“What is that?” she asked.
“That’s the bullet hole you shot in the wall… Remember?”
She blinked, not understanding for a moment. Suddenly, it clicked…
“The Sordid Rose?” she asked. Reno nodded. Memories of the little mind games they’d played with Tseng and Rude came back to her, “Do you think they’re behind this?”
“Dunno… I know I never said anything about Mr. Foo-Foo to either of them… But then, who else would know about that room? So either you told them…” he said, narrowing his eyes at her, “… or they found out some other way.”
“Or maybe its not them at all and someone else knows…”
“Yeah?” Reno asked suspiciously, “Like who?”
“I didn’t tell anyone!” she screamed at him, drawing stares from the citizens of Midgar who were waiting for their trains.
“Whoa… Alright, alright… Chill,” Reno replied, cringing, “Looks like our next stop is the Sordid Rose Inn.”
———-
Another picture… This one had the poor, innocent Mr. Foo-Foo lying on a metal table, hooked up to all kinds of strange machinery. It wasn’t hard to figure out where the picture had been taken.
“Hojo’s lab…” they said simultaneously.
“Well, now we know for sure… Those labs require a level 8 or higher security clearance. It’s got to be either Rude or Tseng!”
“Or both,” Reno added. Elena nodded, and the headed to their next destination.
———-
“Careful we don’t run into Tseng… If he’s not in on this, he’ll send me home again. I’m supposed to be resting, after all,” Reno said.
“Can we just hurry up… I don’t want to be in those labs a second longer than I have to be.”
“Same here.”
They crept silently past two lab technicians who seemed to be setting up some sort of experiment. The two Turks ignored the whimpers of the caged specimens lined up on a counter.
“I think it’s this way,” Reno whispered, leading the other Turk into the next room. And sure enough, another photograph lay on the cold metal table.
“R-Reno… That’s…”
“President Shin-Ra’s office,” Reno confirmed, staring at the picture. More than that, Mr. Foo-Foo was sitting at the president’s own desk, the phone receiver in his hand. On the back of the photo was scrawled “A call for help”.
“We can’t just walk in there and ask if someone left a picture of a toy rabbit on his desk…” she said.
“I’m aware of that.”
“Maybe we should just forget about it. For God’s sake, Reno… It’s just a toy!” she reasoned. Reno glared at her.
“He’s not ‘just a toy’… But if you don’t wanna help anymore, then you don’t have to. I’ll get him back myself.” Reno replied as he headed for the elevator.
———-
“I’ll distract his secretary… You sneak into the office and look for another picture,” said Reno, staring into the mirrored wall of the elevator, and attempting to make himself a little more presentable.
“Why can’t I keep the secretary busy while you look for the picture?” Elena asked, at the same time trying to remember what she’d been thinking when she’d decided to follow Reno and come along on this suicide mission.
“‘Cuz I know her… She’s used to me comin’ up here to hit on her,” Reno replied with a tired grin. Elena rolled her eyes. Reno brushed some of the hair out of his eyes and attempted to straighten his clothes.
“What do you think?” he asked, posing for her.
“I think you’re gonna get me fired…”
———-
She crept silently up the carpeted staircase, leaving Reno behind with the young woman at the desk.
‘Why the hell am I doing this?’ she wondered as she reached the heavy mahogany doors that opened into the presidential office. She eased one open, mentally willing it not to creak, and sighing softly in relief when it didn’t.
The office was empty… so far, so good. She just hoped her luck held out. She hurried to the desk, and began to sift through the papers on top of it.
———-
“So? What do you say?” he asked with a mischievous grin. The young woman blushed.
“Reno… You know I’m married,” she giggled.
“Doesn’t bother me…” he shrugged and sat on the corner of her desk.
“Oh, you…” she chided and made a half-hearted attempt to get back to work. Reno’s grin widened, and he stretched out across the desk, propped up on one elbow, effectively blocking her from her papers.
“Aw, come on, Rissa… You’re gonna ruin my reputation around here… You wouldn’t want that on your conscience, now would you?” he asked, giving her his best pout and toying with a lock of her curly strawberry-blond hair. She giggled again.
“Don’t you have work you should be doing?” a very cross voice interrupted.
‘Oh shit…’ Reno thought.
“Yes, sir… Sorry, President Shin-Ra, sir… I’ll get right to it, sir,” the young lady quickly responded, shoving Reno’s elbow out of her way, and nearly knocking him off of her desk altogether.
“And you,” he said, staring Reno down, “Isn’t there someone that needs to be killed… or something?”
“I’m sure I can find someone, sir…” Reno drawled. The president snorted in contempt and headed for his office.
“Hold my calls,” he muttered as he ascended the stairs.
‘If Elena survives this… She’s gonna kill me…’ Reno thought.
———-
“Ah ha!” she cried triumphantly, at last discovering the plain manila envelope under a stack of papers. She opened it to make sure it was indeed what she’d come for…
The doorknob rattled as it turned, and Elena froze.
“Oh no…”
There was nowhere to hide. She could try to make a run for the door that led to the balcony, but as the heavy wooden doors swung open, she knew she’d never make it without being seen… So, she did the only thing she could think of… Elena scrambled under the desk.
It was probably the worst place she could possibly be in… especially if she got caught… but there wasn’t much choice. Footsteps approached the desk and suddenly the chair was pulled back. A moment later, she was much closer to the president than she’d ever wanted to be.
‘If I survive this… I’m going to kill Reno…’ she thought.
———-
He wished he knew what was going on in that office… Thus far, he hadn’t heard any enraged shouting or shrieks of terror. But then again, by now, he’d had to retreat back to the elevator… he probably wouldn’t be able to hear anything from that office.
‘I better come up with some way to get her out of there,’ he thought to himself, ‘… otherwise she’ll have my head for this…’
———-
‘One hundred ways to kill Reno,’ she thought, as she shifted out of the way of the president’s foot for the fourth time, ‘Number one, drop him in a mako reactor… Number two, feed him to the Midgar Zolem… Number three, tie him up and hand him over to Hojo…’
He didn’t even have the decency to try and get her out of the mess he’d gotten her into. He’d probably set the whole thing up, pictures and all!
Her muscles her beginning to ache from holding herself pressed to the underside of the desk… and just when she thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse…
President Shin-Ra stretched out a bit, forcing Elena to move again in order to avoid being detected. Then he proceeded to nudge his expensive shoes off. The choking odor of sweat and old socks filled her hiding place, making her eyes water.
‘Number four, gag him with the president’s socks…’
———-
‘Sorry about this, Rissa,’ he silently apologized, taking a drag from the cigarette he’d just lit up… despite the very noticeable “No Smoking” sign hanging on the wall right in front of him.
He raised the cigarette above his head, letting the smoke waft up toward the sensor on the ceiling. A moment later, a loud beeping filled the air, and one by one, fire sprinklers all over the sixty-ninth floor went off. The secretary squeaked in surprise as she, her desk, and the memo she’d been typing were completely drenched. The sudden downpour caught Reno as well, but he’d have to worry later about finding dry clothes.
“What is going on out here?!” the president’s voice bellowed from one of the flights of stairs that led to his office. The sprinklers finally shut off.
“Something set off the fire system, sir,” his secretary replied, pulling wet locks of hair away from her eyes. While the two of them were trying to figure out what had happened, Reno crept up the second flight of stairs.
———-
‘Number forty-two, um…. Electro-rod enema.’
Suddenly there came the annoying tones of the fire alarm, and then a scream… and then Elena found herself with a good deal more space in her hiding place as the president abruptly stood up and headed out the door to investigate.
Elena crawled out into the open as soon as she was sure he was gone, gladly leaving the cramped quarters she’d spent the last thirty minutes or so in. She ran for the door, hoping that whatever was going on out there would keep the man busy for awhile.
Just as she reached for the doorknob, it began to turn on its own. Elena backed up a step, not knowing where to go. At the last moment, she dove behind the opening door… and ended up sandwiched tightly between it and the wall when the door was flung wide open.
“Elena, let’s go!” Reno called in a hushed voice, “… Elena?”
“I hate you, Reno.”
“Hate me later,” he replied, letting her out from behind the door, “We gotta get out of here.”
Elena nodded and followed him down the stairs to the elevator.
“Reno… Stop dripping on me!” she yelled at the soggy Turk once they were safely on their way down.
———-
“Rude… I knew it was all his doing!” Reno grumbled, shoving the new photo back at Elena, as the elevator descended. The bunny sat on a sofa in the Turks’ private lounge. A hand held a gun to its plush little head… a very familiar hand.
“He has got one sick sense of humor,” Reno continued.
“Hey, Reno? If that’s Rude’s hand holding the gun, then who took the picture?” Elena asked, not-so-subtly pointing out the obvious.
“… I knew it was all their doing!” Reno amended.
———-
“As soon as I get Mr. Foo-Foo back, I’m going to bed… And when I wake up, I’m going to get them both for this,” Reno said, yawning. Now that the excitement of their escape had died down, he was once again feeling the fatigue caused by multiple sleepless nights, “I don’t know how yet, but I will make them pay…”
They made their way toward the Turk lounge, Reno leaving a trail of water everywhere he went, and Elena doing her best to ignore the looks they received from anyone they happened to come upon.
“Wait…” she said, just as Reno’s fingers wrapped around the doorknob.
“Now what?” he whined irritably.
“Well, they’re expecting us…” Elena pointed out.
“Dammit… You’re right. They’ve probably got some big finale to this little game of theirs,” the wet and sleepy Turk muttered. He thought for a moment, but then turned back to the door, “… Ah, the hell with it. I’m too tired to care.”
With that, he flung the door open with a loud bang.
“Give him back or die a slow, painful death!” he declared, eyes falling upon the sole occupant of the room. Something smacked into his chest with bruising force, splattering him with a splash of green, “Ow! What the…”
Another projectile hit his shoulder, and then followed a full-out barrage as Rude unloaded round after round of paintballs on the unarmed Turk. Behind him, Elena squealed, and he caught a brief glimpse of her purple-streaked figure as she dove for cover. Tseng emerged from his hiding place down the hall, and began pelting both victims with purple. Reno had nowhere to run, and he knew it. The “non-lethal” ammunition struck again and again, and for lack of a better option, Reno hit the floor.
“Alright, Rude. I think they’ve had enough,” the Turk leader called out. He strode over to Reno’s prone form.
“Can I just have him back now?” Reno groaned.
“I’ll take that as a surrender,” Tseng replied. He chuckled and stepped over Reno’s body, into the lounge. Elena was huddled behind an armchair in the corner, having been ignored during the latter part of the attack, but still covered quite thoroughly in purple and green paint. Reno’s multi-colored form followed Tseng into the room a moment later.
“I hope you’re happy…” the red-head muttered, “I’m gonna be nothing but one giant bruise tomorrow… Those things hurt!” He peeled off the paint-soaked jacket, doing his best to wipe the worst of the paint off of his hands and face.
Tseng reached under the cushions of the sofa and produced the requested bunny. Reno immediately snatched the toy and collapsed onto the couch in relief.
“Elena… You can come out now,” said Tseng.
“Y-yes, sir,” she replied, slowly emerging from her impromptu shelter.
“Sir… How did you find out about Mr. Foo-Foo?” she asked, “I know I never said anything…”
“I have my ways,” Tseng stated. His eyes imperceptibly glanced toward Rude for a second. “I trust that I’ve made my point and the two of you see just how childish you’ve been acting?” he continued.
“Yes, sir,” Elena repeated.
“Reno?” he questioned, awaiting the younger man’s admission of defeat. When he received no reply, Tseng turned back toward the couch, half-expecting to see Reno ready to continue the paintball war as a matter of honor, now that his precious Mr. Foo-Foo was safe. Instead, the red-haired Turk was curled up at one end of the couch, hands clamped tightly around the bunny, fast asleep, a rare look of peace and utter contentment settling over his features. Tseng shook his head.
‘Well… I suppose I did order him to get some rest,’ he thought.
-fin-
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