Taking Care of Reno
Chapter 6: The Case of the Disappearing Bunny
“YOU!”
Elena squeaked, startled by the sudden shout, and spun around to face a none-too-happy red haired Turk. Her coffee mug slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor.
“Where is he, Elena?” he hissed menacingly.
“W-where is who?” she managed after a moment, thoroughly confused and more than a little concerned by the near-homicidal look in Reno’s emerald-green eyes.
“You know exactly who I mean,” said Reno, eyes darting back and forth, assuring himself that they were indeed alone for the moment before saying any more, “Mr. Foo-Foo!”
“What?!”
“I want him back… Right now!”
“Well I don’t have him!”
“Don’t lie to me! I know you took him!”
“I did not!”
“Did so!”
“Did not!”
“Did so!”
“Did not!”
“Did not!”
“DID SO!” Elena screamed.
“Ha! I knew it!” Reno crowed triumphantly. Elena raised a hand to her forehead, already feeling the beginnings of a very bad headache… and feeling more than a little pathetic for actually falling for that.
“Grow up,” she said flatly, pushing her way past him and heading for the safety of her own office.
———-
Oh, if looks could kill… Reno would never have needed his electro-rod again. Elena had spent the better part of the day doing her very best to avoid him and his childish harassment, but by lunchtime, Reno was practically stalking her, a murderous glare etched on his face as he followed her all around the building. And Reno, being Reno after all, had quite literally followed her everywhere… even into the women’s restroom, where he spent his time scrawling his phone number and the phrase “For a good time, call:” on the wall while Elena attended to… personal matters. And as if that weren’t enough, Tseng kept casting her disapproving glances all day, as if it were her fault Reno had gone completely and utterly insane. Thankfully, she’d finally lost psychotic Turk somewhere between the conference room and the parking garage.
She sighed as she climbed into the driver’s seat. ‘I am going home to soak in a nice hot bath, and forget all about Reno and his stupid lost toy,’ she thought to herself, decidedly. And just why the hell was he so convinced that she took the damn thing anyway?
“Where is he, Elena?” a dead calm voice asked from the backseat. Elena nearly jumped out of her skin.
“Reno, have you lost you mind?!” she cried, twisting around in the seat to face him, “I don’t have your stupid rabbit, you lunatic!”
“Yeah? And I suppose you didn’t send me these, either!” he yelled back, flinging a small envelope at her. She ducked and it hit the windshield instead, its contents spilling out across the dash. Photos fluttered to the floor of the car, scattering everywhere. Elena picked up a few… and began to laugh.
“I want him back!” Reno stated again.
“I didn’t take these pictures… But I almost wish I’d thought of it!” she replied, fighting to hold off a fit of giggles as she snatched more of the photos from where they’d landed.
Mr. Foo-Foo climbing a tree… Mr. Foo-Foo drinking a beer… Mr. Foo-Foo bungee jumping… Mr. Foo-Foo being kissed on each cheek by two rather attractive women… Apparently Reno’s little stuffed bunny really got around… Reno, however, didn’t seem to find it quite so amusing.
“It had to be you… You’re the only one that knows about… Mr. Foo-Foo. Unless, or course, you opened that big mouth of yours!” he sneered.
“Reno, I didn’t say a word,” she sighed, “Now get the hell out of my car.”
“Not a chance. If you didn’t tell anyone about him, then it had to have been you who took him… and I’m not going to give you a moment’s peace until I get him back!”
“For the last time, I don’t have your stupid stuffed bunny! I wouldn’t touch that drool-covered lump of fuzz if you paid me!” she yelled. She was getting more than a little sick of Reno’s incessant accusations.
“Are you implying that I drool?” Reno replied, narrowing his eyes at the insult.
“Out!” she screamed, fighting the urge to put her Turk training to good use and strangle him.
“Fine… I’ll go… But you’ll be hearing from me again… Oh, yes…” He grinned evilly, climbing out of the car. Elena hit the accelerator the moment the door slammed shut, leaving a trail of rubber on the ground as she peeled out of the garage.
“I know it was you, Elena… I shall have my Mr. Foo-Foo!” he shouted after her.
———-
“Oh, Tseng…” she murmured.
*RING*
The obnoxious sound roused her from a truly wonderful dream…
*RING*
“What the hell…?” she muttered, and it took her a moment to realize it was her phone. She glanced at the clock and her half-awake mind somehow managed to register that it was three in the morning.
*RING*
“This had better be an emergency…” she moaned as she reached for the phone, “Hello?” she said in a groggy voice.
“Yeah, I want a large pizza, with pepperoni, green peppers, bacon, pineapple, extra cheese, and anchovies, and a large order of breadsticks, extra garlic…” a high-pitched, nasal voice whined.
“Excuse me?”
“I said, I want a…”
“I heard you… Look, you’ve got the wrong number…”
“Oh, well in that case, I’ll have the house special number five with a side of onion rings…”
“Listen pal… I don’t do takeout!” she yelled, and hung up the phone before collapsing back into her pillows. It wasn’t long before her eyes began to drift closed…
*RING*
“Yes?!” she hissed into the phone.
“Hey, can I get a turkey sub with mayo, lettuce, cheese, mustard…”
“Stop calling me!” she cried as she slammed the receiver down.
*RING*
‘I’m just gonna ignore it… He’s gotta give up eventually,’ she thought.
*RING*
She pulled a pillow over her head.
*RING*
She picked up the receiver and set it down again, and waited. The darkened room remained silent, and when she was satisfied that the phone would continue to be quiet, she lay back down, determined to salvage whatever was left of the night.
*RING*
“Ahhh!!!” she screamed, and yanked the phone cord out of the wall before hurling the offending object across the room. It smacked into the wall with a loud thud and fell to the floor, and she did her best to put aside thoughts of what the wall would look like in the morning.
‘It probably would have been easier to just leave it off the hook,’ she thought, pulling the covers over herself and soon drifting off to sleep again.
———-
Unfortunately, Elena’s peace and quiet lasted only another couple of hours… While she slept, a shadow crept silently into her apartment, nimble fingers having made short work of the lock. It stole into her bedroom and paused beside her bed for a moment, watching her sleep, before tossing something to the floor. A greyish-white smoke began to fill the room, and the shadow quickly retreated, dropping more of its little surprises as it made its way back into the night from whence it came.
———-
Elena sat up, coughing and gagging on the unimaginable stench that was quickly filling the air in her room. Her eyes watered, and whatever was spewing out that god-awful odor, she couldn’t see it. She made a mad dash for the door, groping for the handle in the darkness and at last escaping into the living room… only to find that the smell was just as thick there, and utterly nauseating. Having no other option, she abandoned her apartment. It was four-thirty in the morning.
———-
She reeked… It was that simple. Not only did her pajamas smell horrible, but the odor seemed to cling to her skin as well.
Elena yawned as she drove toward the Shin-Ra building, occasionally rubbing her bleary eyes, and thanking her lucky stars that there wasn’t much traffic this early in the morning as she accidentally ran her third red light.
She could shower at the gym, she told herself, and she always kept a clean set of clothes in her office, just in case… With Reno, one never knew what one might end up being covered in at some point during the day.
It was going to be a long day. She was running on less than three hours of sleep, and she felt more tired now than she had when she’d gone to bed the night before. Elena glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror and winced.
‘Dear Holy, I hope Tseng didn’t come into work early toady… I can’t let him see me like this…’ she thought as she pulled into the parking garage.
———-
The tile floor was cold under her bare feet as she made her way to her office.
‘I’ll just get my clothes, head for the showers, and hope like hell I don’t run into anyone,’ she told herself.
“Mornin’ Elena… Did we sleep well last night?”
She turned around, even half-asleep able to recognized Reno’s smug drawl.
“You…” she replied, narrowing her eyes.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’,” he grinned, then wrinkled his nose in disgust, “Whew… ‘Lena, Babe… Ever hear of bathing?”
“I hate you.”
“Hey, I warned ya… All you had to do was give Mr. Foo-Foo back…”
“I don’t have him, I don’t have him, I DON’T HAVE HIM!” she screamed, her voice growing louder with each repetition.
“Isn’t it a bit early for this? And what is that smell?” a new voice asked.
“Heh… That would be Elena…” said Reno, his grin widening even more as Tseng made an unexpected appearance… Things were going even better that he’d hoped. Elena flushed bright red as inherently violent visions of what she was going to do to Reno flashed before her eyes.
“I… er… that is, sir… It’s all his fault!” she managed, pointing at Reno, who stood a few feet off, giving Tseng his best “I’m innocent” look. Between the sleep deprivation and the humiliation, she was on the verge of tears.
“I don’t even want to know…” Tseng said, shaking his head as he walked off.
———-
She’d picked the wrong guy to mess with, and Reno was going to get Mr. Foo-Foo back even if it killed her. He grinned wryly as he put the finishing touches on his latest torture device. She’d never see this one coming…
He was interrupted by a knock on his door.
“Yeah, come on in…” he called out, quickly stashing his project in a drawer. When no one entered, he stood up, cautious as always, expecting it to be Elena, most likely with some lame attempt at retaliation. He opened the door and saw no one. Reno was just about to return to his “work” when he noticed a small box on the floor outside. Raising a suspicious eyebrow, he picked it up and carried it inside. He set it down on his desk and lifted the lid, carefully watching for anything out of the ordinary…
“Mr. Foo-Foo!” he sighed with relief, scooping the beloved toy out of the box and hugging it tight… until he remembered where he was. He quickly tucked the bunny away in his desk, where it would be safe until he could get it home.
———-
“I knew it wouldn’t be long before you caved…”
Elena glared at the irritating red-head who leaned against the doorframe of the entrance to her office. The day was almost over… hadn’t she suffered enough? “What are you talking about now?” she muttered.
“I know… I know… I’m the master… Ya know, it’s a good thing you gave him back when you did, cuz my next little surprise was gonna be ten times worse than last night…” he said with a grin, ignoring Elena’s confused look, “Anyway… no hard feelin’s, eh?”
And then he walked off, a cardboard box tucked under on arm.
“No… Hard… FEELINGS?!” she cried in disbelief when he was gone, as she imagined her apartment smelling of rotting garbage for the next few weeks.
———-
“No… Hard… FEELINGS?!”
A bald figure chuckled softly as the frustrated and confused cry reached his waiting ears.
-fin-
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