Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

Chapter 4: Of Cheap Hotels and Condiments

Her scream, and Reno’s as well, seemed to echo in the little room for a few seconds, and then all was silent. A sickening feeling of dread came over Elena as she stared in shock at Reno. ‘We didn’t… Did we?’ she wondered, her mind forming the question that her lips couldn’t quite manage. What had happened? How could Tseng have let her… She worked futily to piece together the previous night’s events.

“Not to ruin the moment here, but you wouldn’t happen to know where our clothes are, would you?” Reno asked. Apparently he had recovered from the initial shock faster than she had. She stared at him blankly for a moment.

“Please just tell me that this is some sick joke you came up with to get me back for the blue hair…” She hated the way her voice wavered as she said that. She half expected Reno to tell her not to be so weak in that irritating, smartass, almost delusionally superior way of his. Instead he just smiled at her. She flinched at that grin, wanting to smack him for it.

“Nope,” he replied, leaning over the edge of the bed. She heard him utter a soft “Ah ha!” and a moment later, he sat up, grin still plastered across his face in triumph as he held up his pants. Elena’s last spark of hope was extinguished.

‘That jerk… I can’t believe he’s so calm about this…’ she thought. She sank down into the covers, pulling them over her head. ‘Could this possibly be any more humiliating?’ She rolled over, away from Reno, pulling the blanket along with her. Thoughts of Tseng questioning her on where she’d disappeared to last night played through her mind like some grotesque movie, and the possibility of actually having to explain made her shudder. How could this have happened? She clutched the blanket tighter.

“Hey… Where d’ya think you’re going with that?” Reno asked, tugging at the blanket, amusement evident in his voice. That settled it… She’d just have to kill him. Or herself. Or both. Elena twisted her fingers into the material and pulled still more of it away from Reno, cocooning herself in cheap cotton. He poked her through the material.

“Elena?” She remained silent. Damned if she was going to answer him. She felt him shift on the mattress, the sound of cloth sliding over skin and a moment later, a zipper being done up.

“Elena…” Reno’s tone was teasing, as if trying to entice a small child out of her hiding place. Elena began a mental list of all the unfortunate “accidents” Reno could meet with in the near future. The matress rose slightly as Reno left the bed.

‘That bastard,’ she thought, ‘He’s just going to leave and pretend none of this ever happened… or worse, go off and brag about it…’

Elena was about to wrestle aside the covers she’d buried herself under and give Reno a piece of her mind… if not rip his throat out… when something large and heavy slammed down on the opposite side of the bed. Simultaneously, she heard Reno’s voice call out, “Elena!” The impact drew a loud groan from the bedsprings, and catapulted Elena onto the floor with a thud.

For a moment, she was too dazed to even move as she tried to figure out what had just happened. The confusion slowly lifted, and she worked to untangle herself from the blanket. She could heard him laughing quietly from above. When she finally succeeded in peeking her head out from the confines of the material, she found herself looking up at a very smug Reno, stretched out on his stomach across the width of the bed.

“You… you… you son of a bitch!” she screamed, too angry to think of anything more original to say.

“Oh good… I was afraid you weren’t speaking to me.” he said, the smile never leaving his face for a second.

‘Death is too good for him,’ Elena thought, glaring at him with every ounce of anger she could summon.

“Relax, Elena… I think we’ve been had,” Reno added.

———-

The disorientation of waking up in a strange bed… Finding Elena next to him, blanket clutched to her chest… The sudden shriek that had awakened him in the first place… No wonder he’d echoed her scream.

‘I couldn’t possibly have been that drunk last night…’ Reno thought to himself as Elena gawked at him wide-eyed, mouth slightly open. ‘It just had to be Elena… Of all people…’

He sighed softly and looked over at Elena again. The shock was so clearly etched across her face that he almost laughed. ‘How could Rude have let me… Wait a second…’ Rude had been there last night, and so had Tseng. There was just no way they’d have let something like this happen. Which left only two possiblities in his mind. Either both men died sudden, horrible deaths, leaving Elena and Reno alone in a drunken stupor, or the more likely choice, they’d had something to do with the current situation.

He thought back to the night before. Rude had invited Tseng along. Reno hadn’t been able to figure out why, nor had he really cared at the time. He’d just wanted to get out of the building and into the nearest bar. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made… Rude’s sudden inquiry of “Coming?” as Reno had been trying to drag him out the door… And Tseng had simply stood and joined them, as though it had been expected.

‘God, they were both in on it…’ he thought, resisting the urge to smack himself in the forehead for not realizing at the time that he was being set up. In retrospect, it was obvious they’d been up to something. Suddenly, he realized that Elena hadn’t made a sound since she’d screamed, and he noticed that she was still staring at him in shocked silence, probably trying to figure out how in the hell she’d gotten here.

“Not to ruin the moment here, but you wouldn’t happen to know where our clothes are, would you?” Reno asked. He wondered who’d come up with the idea… It seemed too immature for something Tseng would do. Then again, he’d never thought of Rude as being the sadistic sort, either.

“Please just tell me that this is some sick joke you came up with to get me back for the blue hair…” Elena replied. The quivering tone of her voice betrayed the distress and mortification she must have been feeling. Reno smiled, thoroughly enjoying it. ‘Serves her right…’ he thought, smoothing back a lock of still-blue hair.

“Nope.”

‘Wish I’d been the one to think of it though,’ he added mentally, as he leaned over the side of the bed. ‘Pants… Pants would be nice…’ They were nowhere in sight, though the rest of his clothes, as well as Elena’s were strewn about the room. He fished around under the bed for a moment, fingers at last encountering fabric.

“Ah ha!” he murmured, sitting up and grinning in triumph. ‘Thought you could hide from me, huh?’ he silently chastised the pants. Elena leaned back, pulling the covers over her head and dragging them away from Reno.

“Hey… Where d’ya think you’re going with that?” he asked as he found his bare skin being slowly exposed, trying not to laugh. He made a half-hearted attempt at reclaiming his half of the blanket, to which Elena responded by stealing all of it and rolling herself to the opposite edge of the bed.

“Elena?” he ventured, poking the blanket. He received no answer from her. Despite the fact that his hair was still blue, he couldn’t help but think that this had gone far enough.

‘Damn conscience,’ he thought as he lay back and slid into the one article of clothing he’d retrieved, ‘A perfectly good opportunity to torment her and I can’t bring myself to do it…’

He rolled onto his side, propping his head up with one hand so he could ever so slightly lean over the hiding Turk.

“Elena…” he called in an almost sing-song voice. Still no answer. ‘Well, fine… Two can play at this game…’ he thought. Reno slithered off the bed and stood to one side for just a moment before launching himself back onto the matress, hitting it hard on his knees.

“Elena!” he cried loudly as the impact had the desired effect. Blanket and all, Elena was bounced upwards and tossed to the floor. Reno stretched out across the bed, looking down at her as she struggled to peek her head out.

“You… you… you son of a bitch!” She was definitly angry. Reno flashed her an innocent smile.

“Oh good… I was afraid you weren’t speaking to me.”

Oh, if looks could kill… Reno let his smile spread, noting the murderous expression on Elena’s scowling face.

“Relax Elena… I think we’ve been had.”

———-

“It’s gotten quiet.”

“I doubt they’ve killed each other just yet,” Tseng replied. The last sound they’d heard from the room across the hall had been a loud curse directed at Reno. Tseng and Rude had decided to hold off on revealing the truth to their warring compatriots for the time being and just wait and see what happened.

Rude shrugged and leaned back in his chair, content to let Reno and Elena suffer a bit longer.

———-

“What are you talking about?” Elena asked from her position on the floor.

“Think about it… Would Tseng and Rude really let us wander off to some cheap hotel after a night of binge drinking?”

“I wasn’t the one who was binge drinking,” Elena muttered.

“Which brings up another point… Last I remember I was only on my fourth drink or so. Takes more than that to obliterate an entire night.”

“So you think they set us up?” she asked, obvious relief flooding her features, “But… Tseng wouldn’t… I just can’t imagine him being in on something like that…”

“Oh wake up… He practically started this whole little feud in the first place,” said Reno.

“What?! You’re the one who started it!” Elena replied, shuddering at the memory of Reno’s apartment.

“Alright, alright… I’m not going to argue semantics with you… But Tseng did encourage us to continue it, at least. Who ordered me to be your slave for a day? And who told Rude to leave that god-awful picture of me on the wall in the office? And he didn’t exactly try to disuede me when he caught me borrowing the cayenne pepper from the cafeteria…”

“I don’t believe this,” Elena moaned. Reno chuckled and slid off the bed, and began to round up the stray articles of clothing that had been scattered around the room.

“Well, while you’re waiting for reality to set in, I’m going to take a shower and pray that my hair is red again when I get out,” he said, holding Elena’s bra up to his chest with a smirk. Elena glowered at him. He shrugged and tossed it and Elena’s other clothes onto the bed before disappearing into the bathroom.

———-

Reno closed his eyes and let his muscles relax as the water hit his skin, turning up the heat as hot as he could stand it. He let the stream wash through his hair, daring to open one eye and sighing in relief when he saw the clear water turn to a sapphire blue as it swirled down the drain at his feet. He just hoped that all of the dye came out so he wouldn’t end up with hair that was some ungodly shade of purple.

———-

Once Reno was gone, Elena had quickly dressed and sat herself down on the bed, trying to decide what to do. She hated to admit it, but Reno was right… Tseng and Rude had to have set them up. She didn’t want to believe that Tseng of all people would toy with her like that, but it just made too much sense. Suddenly, a new thought occured to her… If Tseng and Rude really had set them up, then they would have wanted to be around to see the results… which meant that they were quite possibly still somewhere in the hotel. She pulled her gun from it’s holster beneath her jacket. A couple of gunshots were bound to get their attention…

Just then, Reno emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed, his damp hair now restored to its natural color. He raked his fingers through the tangled mess a few times before tying it back into a ponytail.

“Uh… Elena? What exactly are you planning to do with that?” he asked, noting the gun in the woman’s hand and the look of sadistic intent in her eyes.

“Reno… I think it’s time we called a truce and worked together for the greater good,” she replied.

“Hey… If that ‘greater good’ involves a little retribution for last night, count me in…”

———-

Ten minutes later, Reno climbed back up the fire escape and squeezed himself through the narrow second floor window and into the room.

“Ketchup?” Elena asked, eying the bottle clutched in his hand, “Are you sure they won’t know?”

“I’m hoping they’ll be in too big a hurry to prevent my death to look too closely. It’s all I could get on such short notice… It’s still pretty early, ya know… Besides, what are they going to do? Taste it to see if it’s real?”

“Alright, fine… Shall we then?” she asked, holding up her gun. Reno laughed quietly and nodded.

———-

“Think we should check on them?” Rude asked. Tseng was silent for a moment. Normally, he was a very patient man, but Elena and Reno had been too quiet for too long. Something didn’t sit right. He nodded.

“Perhaps we’ve taken this far enough. Let’s…” he was interupted by a loud crash from across the hall.

“You bastard!” screamed Elena’s voice, muffled only slightly by the thin walls of the hotel. Another crash.

“Elena! Put it down!” Reno’s voice this time. A third crash followed by a cry of pain.

“How could you?!” Elena shrieked. The sound of a body colliding with a solid wall.

“No! Elena, don’t!” The sharp report of a gunshot and then a second. The sound of glass breaking.

“Get back here, Reno!” And then silence. At the first sound of gunfire, Tseng and Rude had been on their feet in a matter of seconds, running for the door of their room. By the time they’d reached the door opposite them, not a sound could be heard from within the other room. The door yielded easily to Tseng’s shoulder as he forced his way inside, his co-conspirator not far behind. The two men stopped in mid-stride, taking in the shattered furniture, the broken window… and the red stains on the carpet and windowsill. Without a word, they turned back to the door, racing down the stairs and past the front desk, emerging in the alleyway that the window of Elena and Reno’s room faced.

“Which way?” asked Rude.

———-

Elena laughed as Reno curled up behind the dumpster, looking at his ketchup-covered shirt.

“Why the hell did I even bother with a shower this morning?” he asked. That just caused Elena to laugh harder.

“Just remember why wre’re doing this,” she said.

“Yeah, I know… Just go hide before they track us down!”

Elena nodded and hid herself further down the alley. She fired two more shots into the air, and then sat back to wait for Tseng and Rude.

———-

“That way,” Tseng replied, turning in the direction of the gunshots. He and Rude ran down the alley, looking for any sign of their fellow-Turks. Tseng frowned as they came upon a bright red handprint on the side of a dumpster, fearing the worst.

‘This is my fault,’ thought Tseng, ‘I should have put a stop to this weeks ago.’

Tseng crept around behind the dumpster, discovering Reno curled up, his knees to his chest, clothing stained an angry red.

“Rude… Back here,” he called, crouching down in the narrow space beside Reno. The younger man’s eyes were closed tight, and his breathing was barely noticable.

“Let’s get him out of here,” Tseng said to Rude, as he reached down to lift the slender red-head.

Suddenly, Reno’s eyes flew open, and he twisted out of Tseng’s grasp, reaching into his jacket. That was the last thing either Tseng of Rude had expected, and neither man could react in time to avoid the spray of red liquid that spattered them as Reno squeezed down on the ketchup bottle. Tseng took the most direct hit, and when Rude realized what had happened, he tried to back away, only to be shoved forward again from behind… directly into the path of a second wave of ketchup. Feminine laughter could be heard behind him.

“…” Rude looked down at his suit.

Reno smirked as he finished emptying the contents of the bottle onto the two men. Tseng shook his head and sighed.

“I suppose we deserved that,” he said, wiping the ketchup away from his face with his sleeve. He grimaced slightly, taking in the condition of his normally immaculate clothing.

“… You had us worried,” Rude commented.

“Yeah, well you two scared the living hell out of me and Elena this morning,” Reno replied, pulling himself to his feet by way of Tseng’s proffered hand, “This was you’re idea, wasn’t it Rude?” he added, grinning. Rude nodded.

“Perhaps now things can get back to normal?” Tseng questioned, pivoting slightly to look back at Elena as well.

“Yes sir… Reno and I have called a truce. No more jokes. Right Reno?” said Elena.

“Right,” Reno replied, sounding a little disappointed at the prospect, “Though it doesn’t seem fair that you came out of this without a single drop of ketchup on you…”

“Just my luck, I guess…” Elena said, smiling, “And since that bottle’s empty, I guess I’ll just have to stay clean.”

Rude studied Elena for a moment, and before she could fathom what he intended, he wrapped his ketchup-covered arms around her in a hug. Elena squealed and tried to get away, but Rude didn’t release her until he was satisfied that she was sufficiently stained.

“That’s much better,” Reno said, clapping Rude on that back and grinning. Tseng chuckled lightly.

“I think we should all go home, clean up, and change into some clean clothes,” Tseng said, “If we hurry, we can make it into the office just in time to be late.”

“Sounds good to me,” Reno agreed as they headed off down that alley, “Oh…um… Elena?”

“Yeah Reno?”

“Since this war is officially over now, I really should warn you… Unless you really like lime Jell-O, you might wanna get in touch with a plumber…”

“What?! Reno!”

Reno’s eyes widened slightly, and he quickly turned, sprinting away from the group, with Elena hesitating only a moment before persuing him.

“What do you think she’ll do if she catches him?” asked Rude.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Tseng replied.

-fin-