Desha's Reno of the Turks Fan Fiction

Chapter 34: A Pretty Fucking Terrible Night

The scene was chaotic when they arrived. Fire engines, police cruisers, ambulances… You name the department, their rescue personnel were there. Reno’s stomach twisted unpleasantly as he pulled into a parking lot three blocks away. Rude pulled in next to him and climbed out of his truck. It was the closest they could get in a vehicle. They’d need to travel the rest of the distance on foot.

A crowd of onlookers had gathered well before their arrival, gawking and pointing upwards at the shattered windows, and wisps of smoke still trailing upwards. Reno tried to elbow his way through, but no one seemed to be in any hurry to give him access.

“Rude… ya mind?” he said at last, glancing over his shoulder at the the his fellow Turk… who smirked and made quick work of the multitudes blocking their path. The redhead hurriedly fell into his wake, ignoring the annoyed protests of those who were suddenly being physically moved out of their way.

“Fuck…” he said, turning his gaze towards the damaged section of the building. “Tell me that’s not the eighteenth floor…”

“Little too busy to count right now,” Rude replied, still plowing his way through the crowd. Reno didn’t really have to count. The address was a familiar one. And why the fuck else would they have been called out here?

“Hold it! No civilians past the barricades!” a voice commanded, and Reno very nearly walked straight into Rude as he pulled up short in front of one of the cops working crowd control. He grumbled and peered around his friend’s larger frame.

“We’re not fuckin’ civilians, pal,” he replied, whipping out his credentials and scowling in irritation. He ignored the man’s stammered reply and slipped around Rude, ducking beneath the plastic tape that had cordoned off the area beneath the broken windows. The ground was littered with shards of glass that crunched loudly underfoot as the pair made their way across the parking lot and into the building’s lobby. He spotted Kai near the stairs.

“What happened?” he asked, and the senior Turk shook her head.

“Exactly what Saya always told that idiot cousin of hers would happen someday…” she replied, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know what blew up… but I’m sure it was something he built.”

“The others already upstairs?” Rude queried.

“Veld and Remy are, yeah. I don’t think they bothered calling in the rookies for this, and Tseng’s still en route from Costa del Sol. Do me a favor… when you get up there, smack Sato upside the head for me, will ya? Thanks to him, I’m stuck keeping the unauthorized assholes at bay instead of enjoying a nice long soak in the nice hot bath I was going to run as soon as I got home.”

Reno snorted softly in amusement and stepped past her, into the elevator. Apparently Kai was still a little ticked about her office being invaded by a smoke cloud earlier. Rude followed him and he hit the button for the eighteenth floor. The car obediently delivered them to the requested destination.

The hallway was filled with a pungent, lingering smoke, and fire fighters were guiding a few straggling residents out of their apartments and down the nearby stairs. Reno coughed faintly in the foul air and shook his head. It was a little too reminiscent of the aftermath of his own former apartment’s encounter with one of the Mideelian Turk’s homemade devices.

“Man… Sato really knows how to destroy an apartment. Wonder what the damage inside is like?”

A door a little farther down opened, and a familiar figure stepped out into the hallway. Remy paused, now yet noticing the pair, pressing her fist to her lips and squeezing her eyes shut. Reno frowned and quickened his steps.

“Remy?” he queried, and she looked up at him, “What’s goin’ on?”

“I-it was that Leviathan-forsaken still of his!” she said in a tone that was equal parts furious and… something else entirely. “I told him… Saya told him. That damn thing was an accident waiting to happen!”

Her lip quivered slightly, and the redhead suddenly became very aware of the fact that she was desperately holding back tears.

“… Sato’s… okay, though… right?” he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear the answer. Remy shook her head and tried to reply, but all that came out was a sob.

“Oh, fuck…” he breathed, feeling an unpleasant sinking sensation in his stomach, and a moment later, Remy was in his arms, crying. He swallowed sharply and glanced back at Rude, who was standing behind him with a somewhat shell-shocked expression on his face. “Go see if Veld needs any help. I… uh… I’ll stay with Remy.”

The order seemed to snap his fellow Turk out of his momentary shock, and Rude nodded, pushing open the door to Sato’s apartment and stepping inside. Reno looked around and spotted a door on the opposite side of the hall still ajar… probably left open when the tenants had been evacuated. He guided Remy inside, and found himself in a cozy little living room filled with quilted and knitted and crocheted… everything. The place looked like it belonged to the most grandmotherly grandmother that ever grandmothered. He ignored the décor and sat her down on the couch.

“You okay?” he asked. Remy’s grip on him tightened, and he gently rubbed her back in slow, soothing circles.

“No…” she said softly.

“… Is he… ?” he began, somehow needing to hear the words themselves, but not able to finish the sentence. Not that he needed to. Remy nodded against his chest.

“He must have been right next to it when it exploded,” she replied in a quiet voice, “You can see where he… was thrown against the wall. He was dead before we got here… and we got here fairly quickly. Veld was close enough to hear the explosion on his way home, so he came to investigate. Then he called the rest of us in.” Her arms squeezed him in desperation. “I… Oh, Reno… The last thing I said to him…”

“Hey… Come on. You didn’t know this was gonna happen. And ya know he did it just to piss you ‘n Kai off. He liked pissin’ people off. ‘Specially you. Remember? It was practically his favorite pastime.”

Remy managed a small sob of a laugh, and pulled away from him. She wiped a hand over her eyes and exhaled a long, slow breath.

“I’m sorry. I… I’m having a hard time keeping it together right now,” she said. “I just… can’t believe it.”

“… Yeah,” was all Reno could think to say. Somehow, he couldn’t quite believe it, either. It had long been a running joke in the office that one of these days Sato was going to blow himself to kingdom come, but no one really took it seriously. Sato was… completely nuts. Even he admitted that. But he knew what he was doing when it came to explosives. Probably better than just about anyone. Remy sniffed and stood up.

“I’m… going to go tell Kai what’s going on. You should go help Veld and Rude.”

“… ‘Kay. You sure you’re gonna be alright?”

“… I’m not really sure of anything at the moment,” she replied, “But we have a job do.”

---

Veld was staring silently out at Midgar through the broken windows when Rude walked into the apartment. The younger Turk could see the telltale signs of a recent explosion… Scorch marks on the walls and ceiling. Debris strewn across the floor, emanating from the source of the blast. Bits of shattered glass hanging from the window frames. The acrid smell of smoke lingering in the air.

“Sir… ?” he queried, hesitantly. Veld turned and heaved a great sigh.

“I… assume Remy told you?”

“… Yes, sir.” His eyes flickered briefly to the still figure laying on the floor on the far side of the room, cloaked in a crisp, white sheet. Veld nodded.

“As it turns out, there’s very little, if anything, for us to do. I suppose my summons was a bit premature. City services has things well in hand. They’ll be up to remove the body as soon as they’ve cleared the floor. I just… didn’t want to leave him here alone.” The Turk leader scrubbed his hands over his face. “I should inform Kai. She’s been in the lobby this whole time.”

Rude glanced over his shoulder at the sound of footsteps, and spotted Remy through the open door, walking swiftly towards the elevator. A moment later Reno made his way inside.

“Remy’s headin’ downstairs to let Kai know what’s goin’ on,” he informed them. “She’s… uh… pretty upset. Her ‘n Sato kinda had it out earlier ’bout him smokin’ Kai outta her office before we took off tonight. Think she’s feelin’ kinda guilty right now.”

The redhead’s eyes strayed towards the white sheet, and for several long moments, he could only stare at it in silence.

“Has… um… has anyone told Victoria?” he suddenly asked. Veld visibly cringed.

“I’m a bit ashamed to say… I hadn’t even considered that yet,” he sighed, shaking his head. “She was coming to see him tonight, wasn’t she? She may be downstairs somewhere. Someone should try and find her.”

“… I’ll do it,” Reno said quietly. “Think I’m the only who’s actually met her. ‘Least I know what she looks like.”

The younger Turk cast one final glance in Sato’s direction before turning back the way he’d come. Rude remained where he was, unsure of just what he ought to be doing.

It was one thing to lose a fellow Turk on the job. But to lose one like this? It just felt wrong and… pointless. Sato would never have been accused of being the sanest of their ranks, but he was a damned good Turk. To see him go out like this…

He sighed and turned his attention to the small box that sat unassumingly on the coffee table in the living room, reaching out to pick it up. Rude opened it, revealing the diamond ring inside.

“Sir?” he asked, holding it out to the Turk leader. Veld grimaced and took it from him.

“I… suppose he would have wanted Victoria to have it. I’m not sure what the best time would ever be to give it to her, though… assuming there is a good time.”

Rude nodded, and was extraordinarily glad that decision wasn’t up to him. He didn’t envy Veld at times like these. As commander of the team, breaking bad news fell to him almost exclusively, particularly where a Turks’ family or significant other was concerned. He had his doubts as to whether or not he could ever handle such a massive emotional weight hanging over him constantly… and frankly, he didn’t want to have to find out.

Veld sighed and sat down in one of the arm chairs in the living room, taking out his PHS.

“I should update Tseng and see if he wants me to inform the rookies or if he’d prefer to do it himself in the morning,” he noted, and Rude couldn’t help but notice that for a moment, the Turk leader seemed to look every one of his fifty-seven years. He wondered, and not for the first time, just how many such phone calls he’d had to make during his tenure as Turk leader. As he dialed, Veld added, “This really is the worst part of the job.”

---

The elevator deposited Reno on the ground floor, and he was forced to sidestep an incoming gurney and pair of paramedics in order to exit. Obviously… they were there to take Sato away. He swallowed against the lump the thought left in his throat and walked a little ways down the hall, spotting Kai and Remy just beyond the entrance doors. Kai was sitting on a short retaining wall, her head in her hands.

It just wasn’t fair. First Cissnei… now Sato. Both taken out by what essentially amounted to freak accidents. Why the hell was this happening? Was it some kind of karmic onslaught, in response to what they did for a living? Or had the universe as a whole just decided to pick a few people at random for a nice big fuck you?

Turks died. They’d died in the past. They’d die in the future. It was something they had each accepted as part of their job. But getting taken out while you’re just at home minding your own damn business? Where the fuck was the sense in that? It wasn’t fucking fair.

Of course… life wasn’t fair. He knew that as well as anyone. This was still some fucking bullshit, though.

He paused at the doors, taking a moment to calm himself down, before pushing them open and stepping outside. The air was warm and felt like rain was incoming. The crowds had thinned a bit, but there were still a fairly significant number of people hanging around.

“Hey,” he said, making his way over to Remy and Kai. The former nodded in acknowledgment, but said nothing. The latter didn’t even look up.

“Reno?!”

The redhead turned at the sound of his name, looking for the source. It didn’t take him long to spot her, caught up in the crush of people near the front of the barricades, waving frantically at him. Before he knew it, he was walking towards her waving off the police officers that were trying to keep order.

“It’s okay. Let her through,” he said, when he reached them, and the officer grudgingly complied. Victoria glared at them angrily as she ducked under the tape and hurried over to the redhead.

“What in Shiva’s name happened here? I get here for our date and all hell has broken loose. I’ve been trying to reach Sato for ages! What is going on?!”

Reno mentally groaned and wondered what in the Nine Hells had ever possessed him to volunteer for this. It was bad enough seeing Remy break down a short while ago. Now he had to tell Victoria the bad news. She wasn’t a Turk. She wasn’t going to just pull herself together on sheer will alone because there was shit that needed to get done the way Remy had. She was about to find out that the guy who was going to fucking propose to her tonight was dead, and he was going to be the one who had to tell her.

He took a deep breath and shook his head.

“There… was an explosion. Up in Sato’s apartment,” he said, not sure if he should just come right out and say it, or try and break it to her gently. He didn’t really know Victoria; what kind of person she was… how she reacted to shit like this. He’d only even met the woman once… and likely the sole reason she’d even recognized himtonight was because his appearance was far more memorable than most and he tended to stand out in a crowd. “I…” he began again, running a hand through his hair, “Fuck… I don’t… I don’t even know how to say this.”

He couldn’t just fucking say “Sato’s dead”. He just… couldn’t. The words wouldn’t even form, for some reason. And the way she was looking at him, wide eyes already wet. She knew. She was just waiting to hear him say it. And he couldn’t.

He was mercifully spared from having to utter any such pronouncement, as the paramedics wheeled out a covered body and began to load it into the back of a waiting ambulance.

“No!” Victoria screamed, and surged toward the sight. Reno grabbed her on instinct, stopping her in her tracks. She didn’t need to see him like that. No one should have to see someone they cared about like that. He held her, pulling her tight against his chest, and letting her wail on him with angry fists… until finally she stopped struggling and just sobbed.

“I’m sorry…” he managed, in a choked voice.

---

Once Sato’s body had been taken away, Reno was mercifully able to let Veld take over with Victoria. He felt bad thinking like that, but he… just didn’t handle crying women very well. He wanted to help… but he never knew what the hell he was supposed to do, and the thought of just making things worse terrified him.

By then, the crowds had largely cleared out, and most of what remained were reporters and displaced residents of the building. Veld had told them to go home… and that he would make sure Victoria made it home safely. They had lingered for a short while, no one quite sure what to say, but not yet ready to split up for the night… but at last, it seemed silly to stay any longer, and they began the walk towards their vehicles.

“Reno? Would… you mind giving me a ride? I took the train this morning and… I’d rather not have to deal with it right now…” Remy asked of him, quietly.

“Yeah… Sure, Remy,” he replied, leading her towards his car. Kai was already speeding off into the night on her motorcycle by the time they got there. The senior Turk had been unusually quiet… not that Reno could blame her. He couldn’t think of much of anything to say, either, after all.

He waved to Rude as he was climbing into his truck, and opened the passenger door of his car for Remy, ushering her in, before circling around to the driver’s side.

She was silent for most of the ride… In fact she said virtually nothing until they reached her apartment complex, and even then, it was only a soft “Thank you” as she pushed the door open. Reno shut the engine off and got out as well, escorting her to her apartment.

“… I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he said, after making sure she got inside alright. He turned to go, only to be caught by the wrist and pulled back around to face her.

“Please… I… don’t want to be alone tonight,” Remy said. “I just… please don’t go.”

Reno let her pull him into the apartment, shutting the door behind him, and pulled her into his arms, letting her rest her head against his shoulder. Truth be told, he wasn’t really in any hurry to go home alone right now, either.

---

He woke the following morning with an uncomfortable pins and needles sensation in his right arm… which, he surmised, was likely due to the fact that Remy was presently sleeping on top of it. Quite soundly. Reno winced and flexed his fingers in the hopes of restoring blood flow without waking her, but eventually realized that if he was to have any hope of regaining feeling in the limb, he was going to have to extricate himself.

That thought in mind, he began the slow, careful process of easing his arm out from beneath his bedmate’s body.

There hadn’t been any sex last night. Neither of them had been in the mood for anything like that, for obvious reasons. Remy had just wanted… to be held. And to be fair, he’d found it comforting himself… much more than sleeping alone would have been, that’s for sure.

He’d managed to free himself as far as his elbow when the obnoxious blaring of an alarm clock echoed from Remy’s bedside table. The senior Turk stirred slightly, and a few seconds later, groaned and slowly rolled over, swatting at the device until it shut off. She rubbed her eyes and turned to him, an expression of grief flashing across her features, as the events of the night before came back to her.

“I… have to admit, I was hoping it was all a bad dream…” she said quietly, moving to resume her place against the redhead’s side and resting her head on his shoulder. Reno sighed.

“Yeah… me too.”

“… I…” she began, awkwardly, clearing her throat, “Thank you. For staying. I know we said this was… only meant to be physical.”

The redhead shrugged and managed a slight smile.

“Tch… come on, Remy. What was I gonna do? Just take off ‘n leave ya here all by yourself?” He shook his head. “I couldn’t do that to ya.”

Remy reached over and gently stroked her hand along his cheek.

“We should probably get ready for work…” she said, and Reno had the distinct feeling that there was more she wanted to say… but she didn’t. Instead, she turned her gaze on the clock and frowned. “You’re never going to have time to get home and clean up…”

The redhead wasn’t worried. “Eh… I always look like I just rolled outta bed anyway. I got a spare uniform at work. Learned my lesson about that a long time ago. I’m just gonna head straight to the office ‘n grab a shower in the locker room.”

He’d learn that lesson a very long time ago, in fact. He hadn’t exactly enjoyed spending almost the entire day in borrowed sweats just because Rufus had decided he needed a swimming lesson on his first day… and he’d kept extra clothes in his locker ever since, just in case.

Remy nodded and sat up, swinging her feet over the edge of the bed. He grunted softly as the off-putting feeling of a still half-asleep arm made him flinch.

“Are you alright?” Remy asked, brow furrow. He smirked.

“Yeah… but next time ya use me for a pillow, try not to cut off the circulation, huh… ?”

The senior Turk smiled faintly, and followed him as he stood, gathering up his jacket and PHS and weaponry. She caught him by the wrist, just as she had last night, and leaned in close to him, kissing him. “I’m sorry…” she whispered. Reno merely shrugged again and turned to go.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, forcing a smile in spite of the events of last night, “I’ll… see ya at the office, okay?”

Remy nodded, and walked him to the door, closing it behind him with a soft click.

---

“Reno…” Tseng called out as he stepped onto the Turks’ floor a short while later, fresh from the locker room showers on Thirty-one, “I… could use your assistance.”

“Yeah, sure. What’s up, Boss?”

“Sato’s office. I normally wouldn’t put a high priority on removing personal possessions, but given some of Sato’s hobbies, Veld and I agreed that we should go through it sooner rather than later. Just in case.”

Reno snorted softly. “You sure we shouldn’t get SOLDIER’s bomb disposal unit to do it?”

The Turk lieutenant cracked a sad smile. “It would probably be safer… but, no. This is a Turks matter. And I would be grateful for the help.”

The redhead nodded and obligingly followed his mentor down the hallway to Sato’s office. Reno frowned as he stepped inside, shaking his head. Sato never had removed Saya’s desk from the space they once shared. It still sat, devoid of her personal possessions, her notes, her paperwork… right where it had always been. Just… empty, now.

The Mideelian Turk had long since accepted that his cousin was gone… but Reno got the feeling that he’d never quite gotten over her loss. For a long time after her death, Reno had caught the man occasionally looking for her after cracking a joke she almost certainly would have berated him for, or after setting off one of his “toys” in the office. And he’d seen the sadness in Sato’s eyes when he remembered that Saya wasn’t there. It had faded with time… but everyone knew that a part of him had died with her that day.

“… Hard to believe they’re both gone, now…” Reno said, softly, trailing a hand along the edge of the empty desk.

“Yes… It is,” Tseng agreed, and then cast him another small smile. “You know… when Saya died, I don’t think anyone was more surprised by it than Sato. I honestly believe he never expected to outlive her.” He picked up a sheaf of papers from the desk, giving them a cursory glance. “I… have not yet informed the rookies. They’ve been notified to report to my office and wait for me as soon as they get in. How are the others taking it?”

“Remy was pretty upset last night. Think Kai was, too, but she took off soon as we were done at Sato’s place. They… uh… kinda didn’t part with him on the best terms at the end of the day. Sato blew up Kai’s office. Again.”

Tseng sighed heavily, and tidied the stack of papers before setting them on the corner of the desk.

“That is… unfortunate,” he replied. “There are few worse feelings than regret. Particularly a regret you will never have the chance to make right.”

Reno nodded somewhat absently as he pulled open one of the filing cabinet drawers… and quickly recoiled when something inside beeped loudly. His eyes widened and he instinctively took a step back, gaze locked on the open compartment, searching for the source. He relaxed a moment later as he recognized one of Sato’s training units for bomb disposal. He rolled his eyes and groaned as he reached in and quickly switched it off before it could detonate.

“For Ifrit’s sake…” he breathed, “Why the hell’s he gotta keep shit like that just sittin’ in a random drawer?!”

Tseng chuckled softly and shook his head. “That’s Sato for you. I would strongly suggest opening things carefully. I very much doubt there’s anything truly deadly… at least not that would be so easily triggered. But I wouldn’t put it past him to have boobytrapped his office to at least some extent, on the off chance someone came snooping…”

“Seriously, Boss… is it too late to call in the bomb squad on this?” he muttered. He carefully pulled the device out, made absolutely certain it was indeed shut off, and set it aside on Saya’s old desk. “… Ya think Remy ‘n Kai’ll be okay?”

“Regret is something one eventually learns to live with,” Tseng replied.

“Yeah,” the redhead nodded, “I guess. But it never really goes away, does it? I mean… not really.”

“No, it doesn’t,” his mentor agreed, “It’s… why I try never to stay angry with someone I care for… not for too long, at any rate. One never knows what the last thing one ends up saying to a friend may be…”

Reno swallowed sharply, and glanced back at him. “I was ticked at you for weeks after… ya know. Sector 4… ‘n now I can’t help thinkin’ that if somethin’ had happened to you while I was busy bein’ the world’s biggest dickbag, I don’t think I’da ever forgiven myself.”

Tseng paused in his search of the office and turned to his protege, letting a hand rest on his shoulder.

“It’s a lesson I hope you never have to learn the hard way,” he said, and smiled faintly. “Though for the record, I never once took any of that personally, even when you were at your worst. I knew how much you were hurting.”

“Tch… doesn’t excuse me bein’ a total asshat for so long.”

“I never said it did,” Tseng chuckled, “And you were quite adept at being a total asshat, incidentally. But I understood.”

The redhead snorted softly at the statement. It always struck him as just a little bizarre when Tseng parroted his own less than classy vocabulary back at him in conversation. It didn’t fit the man’s prim and proper demeanor at all, and it reminded the former slum rat that there was,in fact, a fairly snarky sense of humor buried under all that polish.

He eased open another drawer and cringed.

“Uh… Boss?” he said, hesitantly. The Wutaiian Turk glanced over, and sighed.

“Wonderful…” he groaned, upon seeing the drawer half-filled with live grenades, neatly stacked in rows of six. “How these offices haven’t simply been wiped off the map already, I will never know. Don’t touch them yet. I’ll get a proper munitions box for those…”

“Umm… Sato didn’t keep shit like this at home did he?”

“Veld said he swept the apartment last night before he finally went home. Thankfully, Sato preferred to do most of his… tinkering… here at the office. The few potentially dangerous items that were stored there have already been secured.”

Reno snorted a faint laugh and shook his head. “Man… I’m really gonna miss that psychopathic nutjob… Which probably makes me at least half as crazy as he was…”

Tseng glanced up at him, faintly amused. “You know… I have to admit, I’m a little surprised. You’re taking this extremely well…”

“Yeah. It’s weird. I feel like I oughta be depressed ‘n shit, but… It’s Sato. I mean… you know he wouldn’t’ve wanted that. He was all about celebratin’ a person’s life. Not mournin’ their death. Even when it was Saya, ‘n I know how much that loss affected him.”

“Mmm… you’re right. He did have a rather… unique… outlook on such things. I suppose I’ll need to procure the fireworks he always insisted upon for his funeral.”

Reno smirked slightly. “And the strippers?” he asked, remembering his friend’s oft-repeated proclamation for his final wishes. Tseng rolled his eyes.

“I am not hiring strippers.”

“You sure? I could ask Lira. I’m sure she knows some girls who’d like to make some extra gil topside…”

“No strippers,” Tseng said, emphatically. The redhead snickered quietly and resumed his search of the office.

“… I’m not even going ask,” Rude commented from out in the hallway as he poked his head in. “Sir… Liam and Petra are in your office.”

Tseng glanced up from his investigation of a canvas bag in the corner. “I didn’t expect them to arrive so early…” he commented, and looked over at Reno. “I’ll be back shortly.”

The redhead nodded and his mentor hurried off to see to the rookies. Rude, however, remained behind, leaning against the doorframe.

“Already clearing things out?” he asked.

“Heh… the Boss figured we’d better get to it as soon as possible, considerin’ how much shit in here might potentially blow up…”

“You okay doing it?”

Reno paused, holding the framed photo of Sato and Saya that had been sitting on the former’s desk in his hands. He shook his head, and set it aside for the moment.

“I’ve done it before…” he replied, “Ya know… back when we lost Luca. ‘Sides… Tseng asked for my help. He’d be stuck doin’ this shit alone if I ducked out.” He hesitated a moment and glanced up at his friend. “I’m kinda just glad he didn’t ask me to come with him to talk to the rookies. This I can handle. I’m not so sure I could keep my shit together listenin’ to him break the news to ’em… I suck at shit like that.”

Rude stepped fully inside the room and joined the redhead as he opened a small supply closet.

“Want some help until Tseng comes back?”

“Sure…” Reno replied, turning his attention on the interior of the space… and immediately wishing he hadn’t. “What the ever-living fuck… ? Okay, I know everyone’s always joked about it, but for real, man… Sato was fuckin’ insane.”

“Is… that C-4?” Rude hesitantly asked, eyeing a stack of tightly wrapped packages sitting on one shelf, labeled by weight.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure it is. And… I don’t know what half the rest of that shit is, but I suddenly really don’t wanna be in this room right now…” he replied with a nervous laugh. The entire closet looked like it ought to have been part of the Junon munitions storage they’d recently had cause to tour. Plastic explosive, liquids in vials covered in warning labels, powders, fuses… the inventory would have been impressive had it not been utterly terrifying. Rude shook his head and slowly backed away.

“I’m not sure I want to be within 2 miles of the building right now…”

Reno looked back at Rude, and then into the closet… and then back at Rude again.

“Fuck this. I’m not touchin’ shit ’til Tseng gets back.”

Rude sighed softly, still shaking his head. “I can’t believe I’ve been right down the hall from all of this for four years and never even knew it…”

“What in the Nine Hells are we gonna do with all this?” Reno asked, laughing incredulously. “I mean… We find this kinda stash just about anywhere else in the building, ‘n Veld would be callin’ for an immediate evacuation.” The redhead groaned and carefully shut the door. “Forget Tseng… He’s gonna be busy for awhile ‘n I’m not so sure this can wait. I’m gonna go see if Veld’s in yet. Uh… don’t, like… sneeze too hard or anything while I’m gone…”

“Gee… thanks for the advice…” Rude snickered.

Reno darted out of the office and hurried down the hall and around the corner. When he reached Tseng’s office, he spotted Sykes being ushered inside. As the door closed behind the rookie, the redhead hurried to the office on the opposite side of the hallway and knocked.

“Come in,” a voice inside called out to him, and he eased the door open silently, slipping inside. Veld looked up from a pile of paperwork and nodded a greeting to him. “Something I can do for you, Reno?”

“Uh… yeah. Tseng asked me to give him a hand with Sato’s office. He’s in talkin’ to the rookies right now, ‘n…” The redhead shook his head, still in disbelief. “Sir, you’re gonna have to come see this one to believe it. Sato’s got an Ifrit-forsaken closet fulla high explosives. Not exageratin’…”

Veld roughly pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned as he got to his feet, following the younger Turk into the hallway.

“Why am I not surprised… ?” he muttered in an exasperated tone.

---

Liam leaned against the railing that surrounded the rooftop of the Shinra Building, staring out across the city, but not really seeing it. He was far too lost in his own thoughts to take much interest in the sights.

When he’d woken to a message to report to Tseng’s office first thing that morning, he hadn’t been sure what to expect. A training activity? A test of some sort? Maybe even a small mission? It certainly hadn’t been what he’d walked into. He hadn’t been a Turk even half a year yet… and already two of their number were gone. He’d known, going into this, that Turks didn’t always have the longest of lifespans, but…

He wiped a stray tear that had managed to slip free away from his eye.

“Hey.”

Liam turned at the sound of the familiar voice, and found Reno standing behind him. He blinked in surprise, not having heard him approach on the windy rooftop.

“Your partners in crime are startin’ to worry ’bout ya. Said you don’t usually skip out on lunch,” the senior Turk said. Liam ducked his head and returned his gaze to the city.

“… How’d you find me?” he asked. Reno joined him at the railing, leaning against it and looking out into the distance.

“Came up here more than once myself as a rookie when somethin’ was on my mind. Still do sometimes, actually… Good place to be alone ‘n think. I figured it couldn’t hurt to check.”

The younger man was silent for a long moment, before exhaling a long breath and dropping his gaze to the street far below.

“… I don’t know if I can do this, sir…” Liam softly admitted. For a moment, he half-thought the senior Turk hadn’t heard him over the wind. A moment later, though, an arm wrapped around his shoulders.

“We all have that thought once in awhile, kid,” he said, “It’s one thing knowin’ that you might end up dyin’ on this job. Whole other pile of shit when you realize that everyone else might, too.”

Liam glanced up at the redhead. “How do you live with that, sir? I mean… how do you come in every day knowing that someone might not be there anymore by the time we clock out?”

“You askin’ me personally, or just in general?” Reno queried, with a slightly teasing smile. “‘Cause I think that answer’s probably gonna be different for everyone.”

“I guess… you, personally.”

“Hmph… me? I don’t really have anything else. I got one close friend back down in the slums, ‘n everyone else I give a shit about is right here. What else would I do? I decide I can’t take this shit anymore ‘n all I’d be doin’ is abandonin’ the most important people in my life. Fuck that. I up ‘n leave ‘n somethin’ happens to one of ’em that maybe I coulda prevented? Couldn’t live with that. I know I couldn’t.”

Liam breathed a heavy sigh as he realized that Reno had a point. What if he did decide that the Turks just weren’t for him and then something happened to Petra or Sykes because he wasn’t there to watch their back? They… were the first real friends he’d ever had. All the moving around his family had done when he was younger had made it hard to form any kind of lasting relationships beyond his parents and his sister.

Still, the reality of this life was… hard to accept. He’d thought he’d been prepared for that reality when he’d been told he was being promoted. But knowing the dangers inherent in being a Turk, and living with the ramifications of them, were two entirely different things.

“I’ll leave ya alone for awhile. Just wanted to make sure you were okay. Heh… Probably oughta get back, anyway. I don’t usually skip lunch, either… ’cause the Doc throws a goddamn fit when I do ‘n she finds out about it. Fuckin’ pain in my ass. I keep tellin’ her I just don’t fuckin’ gain weight,” he said, teasingly, “But… you ever, ya know, need to talk to someone… come find me, ‘kay? Trust me… I know what it’s like to wonder if you’re really cut out for this shit.”

“Yes, sir,” Liam replied, a grateful smile flitting briefly over his lips.

“Tch… and knock off the ‘sir’ bullshit on personal time, will ya? It seriously weirds me out,” he added, with a slight grin before heading back towards the elevator and leaving Liam to his thoughts. The rookie watched him go for a moment before turning back to the railing.

Liam had worked hard to get to where he was now. He didn’t want to just throw that all away. But he couldn’t help but wonder if he really had it in him to do this job. None of the others seemed to struggle with losses like this, so why was he having such a difficult time? Why was it so hard for him to accept?

He didn’t know. But he felt the tiniest bit better knowing that at least one member of the team seemed to understand.

~end chapter 34~