Taking Care of Reno: Meteorfall
Chapter 14: Breathe
“Reno?!” Viridia cried, slightly alarmed. “She’s alright… She’s not hurt.” The redhead didn’t even seem to hear her, however. He remained frozen, locked in Rude’s ironclad grip, and she quickly looked up at the other Turk in concern.
It took Rude a only seconds to realize what was happening, the faint, rapid, slightly wheezing breaths his partner was suddenly taking finally triggering the memory of the one other time he’d seen him in such a state. It had been years, in fact. They occasionally joked about how he could get overly anxious under certain circumstances – mostly involving the administration of narcotic painkillers – but an actual panic attack? Rude had only seen his friend that far gone once before today. That time it had been triggered by combination of a bad reaction to pain medication and the nagging fear that Tseng had been been giving serious consideration to resigning from the Turks. This, though… Rude suspected that this was pure stress. Reno had finally reached his breaking point.
“What’s wrong with him?” Rufus asked, though the question lacked his usual snooty tone. The young executive seemed genuinely concerned.
“Nothing,” Rude said, perhaps a little more snappishly than intended, but he was more focused on his friend than explanations at the moment. He hoisted Reno off of his feet, carrying him to the bed opposite Elena’s, and set him down, kneeling beside him so that he was at eye level as the redhead curled onto his side.
“Slow breaths…” he said softly, “You’ve been through this before… remember? You’re alright.”
“I’ll get the doctor on call…” Viridia said, already heading for the door.
“Don’t,” Rude said, firmly. “He’ll be fine. He just needs to calm down.” Reno was taking longer breaths by now, but still much too fast, and Rude turned his attention back to him instead of the Lieutenant Commander. “Slow breaths,” he reminded him.
It wasn’t fun to watch… though he imagined that it was even less fun to go through. He still remembered being shooed out of the room by Ward the first time this had happened. The doctor hadn’t given him an explanation right away, and for several terrifying minutes, Rude had been half-convinced his partner was in serious danger. Later, when Ward had told him what was really going on, he’d been more than a little annoyed that Reno had scared him so badly over something that was entirely in his head… and had made the mistake of saying as much to the abrasive physician.
Dr. Ward had very nearly ripped his head off setting him straight – and the young Turk had learned firsthand how the woman had gotten her somewhat fearsome reputation – but ultimately had made it very clear that it was out of the redhead’s hands and that feeling as though one might very well be dying wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences. He’d quietly read up on anxiety and panic attacks after that… He’d always been of the opinion that knowing the facts made things much less intimidating.
By now, Reno seemed to be making a conscious effort to stop hyperventilating and get his breathing under control, though each breath he took was uneven and shaky, and occasionally interrupted by a weak cough. Much of the fear seemed to have left his eyes, however, and Rude was fairly sure that he, too, had now recognized what was happening. When the redhead’s expression changed to one of noticeable irritation, he was certain of it. Reno closed his eyes and inhaled, holding a breath for a moment or two, before releasing it. A few more attempts of the same finally seemed to bring him out of it.
“Well, that was fuckin’ humiliating…” he muttered, sounding vaguely disgusted, and forcing himself upright. He still seemed shaky, but before Rude could stop him, he was on his feet again and bee-lining for the stricken Turk on the other side of the room. “‘Lena?” he prodded, reaching for her hand. When she didn’t move, his gaze snapped around to Viridia and the President. “What the fuck happened?”
“She’s going to be fine…” Viridia replied, hurriedly, “She wasn’t injured.”
“Their phones didn’t work inside the temple. As near as we’ve been able to piece together, Tseng sent her outside to relay some information back to the Highwind and was attacked by Sephiroth shortly after she departed,” Rufus explained.
“That bastard left him for dead,” Viridia spat, and the anger in her voice was palpable. “He barely made it back to the temple entrance.”
“Reeve learned what happened through his little robot spy. I sent Elena back immediately, and then ordered a rescue team to go and retrieve them both. Tseng was… badly injured… but alive. And they found her like that,” Rufus continued, nodding toward the unconscious woman.
Reno reached out and stroked Elena’s hair back, never letting go of her hand. “What’s wrong with her?”
“We were a little stumped on that, at first, actually… until one of the medical personnel on the Highwind pried this out of her hand.” Viridia held up a small collection of crystalline shards. “It’s the materia she found. Or what’s left of it, anyway.”
The redhead blinked in surprise, and shook his head. “What’d it do to her? She didn’t even know what it was…”
“No… But I did. I recognized it as soon as she handed it to me. It’s a rare healing materia… very powerful, and very hard to use. I’m amazed she even could use it with what little training she’s had… but she managed it somehow. It was a weak spell compared to what this materia is really capable of in the right hands, and the crystal ended up shattering… probably because she couldn’t focus the magic properly… but it’s the reason Tseng is still alive.”
“So… she’s not hurt,” Reno said, echoing the commander’s earlier words with relief, “She’s just –”
“Exhausted,” Rufus cut in.
“Depleted might actually be more accurate,” Viridia corrected him, making her way over to the couple. She slipped behind the redhead and hugged him. “She’ll be out for awhile… probably a few days. But she’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”
Reno took a somewhat shuddering breath, and turned to look at her. “What about Tseng? When are we gonna know somethin’?”
Rufus snorted derisively. “Those incompetent idiots… All they’ve said is that when they have something to tell us, they will tell us. Were it even remotely possible, I’d have him transferred to Midgar immediately. But… as I cannot safely do so, I’ve demanded that they consult with that harpy of a physician you all seem so fond of. Though personally, I’ve never understood the appeal of that accursed woman…”
Rude was already slipping silently into the hall and dialing before the President had even finished the sentence. Ward picked up on the second ring.
“If yer wanting an update, yer just going ta have ta wait. I don’t have one for yeh yet,” the doctor answered without preamble, her voice welcome even as it roughly assailed him from the tiny speaker.
“… Got anything?” Rude asked, glancing through the narrow window in the door at his partner. The man was still noticeably on edge, and knowing something was better than knowing nothing.
“Well, I can tell yeh that if he makes it through this in one piece I won’t be letting him out of bed for a good long time… Even with mako treatments, he’s going ta be out of commission for awhile. That man is inconceivably lucky, as it is. If Elena hadn’t had the presence of mind ta give that spell a try, he’d have bled out before they even got him back to the airship for sure. We’ll just have ta hope his luck hasn’t quite run out yet.”
“… Not sure if that’s gonna make everyone feel better… or worse.”
“I wish I could tell yeh more. I really do. But I’m stuck waiting, same as the rest of yeh,” Dr. Ward said, with a long-suffering sigh. “… How’s that little troublemaker of mine? I imagine he’s none too happy at the moment. They told me Elena hasn’t regained consciousness quite yet.”
Rude frowned. His partner probably wouldn’t appreciate him talking about him behind his back… especially given that Ward had the ability to declare the Turk unfit if she thought he couldn’t handle things… but the doctor should definitely be told what was going on. Rude didn’t want to be responsible for Reno being sidelined against his will. But he also didn’t want to be responsible for what might happen to him if he ended up breaking down completely.
“He’s… not doing so great.”
“Mmm… Would yeh care ta be a bit more descriptive there? Or am I meant ta determine his state of well-being psychically so yeh can avoid feeling guilty about ratting him out?” Ward snarked at him, and the bald Turk couldn’t help but smile slightly. He wasn’t surprised the aging doctor had deduced the reason for his reluctance.
“He had a panic attack. Didn’t take that long to calm him down, but…”
“But that’s not normal for him,” Ward finished for him, with a heavy sigh.
“… You’re not gonna recall him to Midgar. Are you?”
The doctor was silent for a moment, and Rude soon began to fear the worst. Finally, she answered him. “Not yet, no. I imagine finding out that both of ’em were down for the count came as a bit of a shock… so I’ll give him a chance ta pull himself together, first. But it’s not off the table. Yeh keep a close eye on him for me. And if yeh see anything else that concerns yeh, yeh let me know.”
“…” He didn’t like being stuck in this position. And if he did end up telling Ward something that got Reno put back on leave, the redhead was going to be pissed.
“I know making a call like that isn’t easy… especially when it’s a friend. But it’s for his own good. Yeh give me yer word right now that yeh’ll keep me updated.”
Rude closed his eyes, and ran a hand over the back of his head. He didn’t like it, but someone had to do it. And right now, he was the only other Turk not incapacitated. “… Yeah. I will.”
Viridia silently scanned the incident report log the previous shift had left for her. Things had been unusually quiet on base all day… and somewhere in the back of her mind she wondered if the usual suspects had heard what had befallen her Turk and, for once, decided to behave themselves.
They had mutually agreed to remain professional in public… but she knew that just about everyone on the base knew. They’d known for years. Things like that didn’t stay secret for long in a place like Junon. It didn’t really bother her. She certainly wasn’t ashamed of their relationship. She simply preferred to keep her private life separate from her military life. Tseng had never seemed to mind, even though for him, the line between personal and professional wasn’t quite as set in stone.
For Viridia, her subordinates were her subordinates. At best, a few of them were casual friends. But for Tseng, his subordinates were his family, and he loved them like his own. He’d all but raised Reno… And the others meant just as much to him. Even his fondness for Rufus crossed the boundaries of mere bodyguard.
There were times she found herself a little envious of that. Now, for instance… especially after seeing how Reno and Rude had reacted to him being injured. As much as she loved Junon, that… by her own design… was something she’d never had. If she’d been in Tseng’s place at the temple, she very much doubted that any of those under her command would have risked themselves casting an obscenely difficult spell to try and save her life. And even had one of them been willing to try, she didn’t hold much hope that many outside of, perhaps, the Materia Corps elite, would have been successful. She was convinced that the only reason Elena had managed it was because she had so desperately wanted it… needed it. Nothing else could account for a novice with a hunk of unprocessed, raw materia crystal being able to not only summon up the mana required, but also focus it enough to activate the materia and hit the intended target with the spell.
She smiled a little at the thought of Elena. Now there was a woman who didn’t care about what other people’s opinions might mean to her career. She was Reno’s girl and she didn’t give a damn who knew it. Viridia couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps Tseng had ever harbored a desire for the same freedom those two had. They’d been involved for close to twelve years now… and almost no one would ever know it, just seeing them interact in public.
Alone was another matter entirely. Tseng was very different when they were alone together. So much of that perfectly poised and polished nature of his fell away when she was the only one looking. He had a wonderful sense of humor. He was true gentleman. He was charming and intelligent. He was deliciously exotic and beautiful and his smile was contagious. He’d hardly even had to try to seduce her when they’d first met. Somehow it had just happened. In fact, she was fairly certain that he’d been just as surprised as she was when they’d woken the next morning, still wrapped in one another’s arms. And then it had simply kept happening… for more than a decade. It had always just seemed like the natural progression of things, and neither of them had ever had any interest in fighting it.
And now, it was very possible that he might be gone when she woke up tomorrow morning.
Viridia set the report aside and rubbed her eyes, chastising herself for allowing that thought to creep back into her head. She’d been holding it together all day… but she knew if she started down that path, she would lose the tenuous grip on the tears she’d been keeping at bay for hours now. They had never formally acknowledged they were together to anyone… not even themselves, really… and somehow that made the idea of losing him now so much worse.
Reno gazed out at the setting sun, trying to calm the tumultuous thoughts bouncing around in his head. He couldn’t find a word to describe how he felt at the moment… mostly because he was feeling so many different things at once.
Fear seemed to top the list. There was still no real news on Tseng, beyond him still having a pulse. He was afraid he was going to lose him. And beyond the abject terror of the gaping hole in his life that loss would leave him with, he was afraid of what that would mean for him. He’d be in command. Rude and Elena would be looking to him. Asking him what to do next… how to go on. Tseng had been grooming him for that very role for years now… and even so, he felt woefully ill-prepared for it becoming a reality. Tseng was the person he looked up to most in the world. How in Ifrit’s name was he ever supposed to take his place?
Beneath all that, past the fear and the uncertainty… he felt lost. He could feel the waves of guilt still lapping at the corners of his mind, and he didn’t know where to turn. Elena couldn’t comfort him right now, and he sorely needed it. Rude had to be worried enough about him after that little display in the medical ward. Lira hated him. And Vir had her own problems to deal with… He didn’t want to burden her with his.
And then under that layer, there was the shame and humiliation of breaking down so completely that his best friend had been forced to coax him back to reality like a child trying to tempt a scared kitten out of a drain pipe. Fuck only knew what Rufus had thought of that. Even now, he could still feel the lingering tendrils of panic coiling around him, and he had to concentrate far too hard on not allowing them to gain any more ground than they already had.
What the hell was wrong with him? When had he let himself get so weak? And why did it have to happen now when he was needed most? The redhead wrapped his arms tightly around himself, as if he could somehow physically hold himself together in spite of his world seemingly collapsing around him.
The sun was sinking fast, and he vaguely wondered how long he’d been out here. Probably long enough that people were getting worried. He hadn’t said much when he’d taken off once the medical staff had declared visiting hours over and barred them all from Elena’s room. Though if they were getting concerned about him, he wasn’t unreachable. As much as he’d needed to be alone for a little while, he hadn’t wanted to cut himself off completely… not when news about Tseng’s condition could come at any time.
A faint tapping caught his attention, and it took him a moment to recognize the sound as footsteps. He frowned and pulled himself back, deeper into the shadows, leaning back against the cold metal wall as they drew nearer, echoing entirely too loudly in his little hiding place. They stopped just above his head and waited.
“… You in there?” a familiar voice asked. Reno stayed silent, but the interloper was persistent. “You know how I feel about heights… I’m coming in to check. And if it turns out I climbed in there for nothing, I’m gonna be pretty mad.”
“I’m not in here,” he called back. “So don’t bother wastin’ your time.”
He heard a soft snort of laughter, and a moment later a pair of feet appeared at the open end of his shelter. Rude slowly and cautiously lowered himself down, looking decidedly convinced that this was a terrible idea as he swung himself inside.
“Thought I told ya I wasn’t in here.”
Rude smirked and sat down next to him. “What it is with you and being up high?”
The redhead shrugged. “Makes me feel safe.”
“You do realize we’re sitting in the barrel of a giant canon… right?”
Reno gave a quiet laugh in spite of himself and shook his head. “Yeah… I know.”
His partner leaned over and draped an arm around him, dragging him closer, tight against his side, and Reno closed his eyes for a moment, savoring the physical contact and the warmth.
“Was starting to get worried about you. You missed dinner,” he said, “If you weren’t up here, I was gonna have Viridia send out a search party.”
In retrospect, he should have realized that this was the first place his partner would have looked for him. In fact, Rude was probably the only person who would have known to look for him here. There weren’t many people confident enough in their own agility to walk out along the military installation’s massive canon and swing themselves into the end of it’s barrel… Reno did it every chance he got. It was one of the few banned activities Viridia had never caught him at.
“Tch… I didn’t shut my phone off, ya know. Not with Tseng still…”
He found that he couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. Rude just nodded.
“So how long are you planning on staying up here?”
He shrugged again. “‘Til I stop feeling like I’m still shakin’ and my throat might close up at any second?” he replied, with noticeable distaste. The redhead sighed and glanced up at Rude. “The brat say anything after I left?”
“No. Think you might’ve actually scared him. You weren’t looking so great for a few minutes there.”
“Terrific,” Reno muttered. Neither man said anything for several minutes. They just sat, quietly watching the sun as it finally dipped below the horizon. “I don’t know if I can do this,” the redhead said at last. “I’m not sure I’m strong enough for this shit anymore. Fuck, maybe I never was.”
Rude snorted derisively. “Get over yourself, Reno.”
He looked up in surprise, and no small amount of hurt, but his friend only shook his head.
“You’re not weak. You’ve never been weak. You freaked out because you’ve been trying so goddamn hard to prove to yourself that you’re not weak that you stopped asking for help when you needed it the most. You let Elena do the bare minimum to keep you going… and only because you can’t get away from her… and then you cut the rest of us out unless we forced the issue. Well, I’m not gonna let you do that anymore… so get the fuck over yourself.”
Reno blinked in shock. His partner was seldom so adamant about… much of anything. “… I can’t tell if you’re pissed at me, or worried sick.”
“Both,” he replied, and then smirked slightly, “But mostly worried. So stop hiding and talk to me.”
The redhead made a soft, distressed sound, before leaning into Rude’s solid frame. “I’m sacred,” he whispered.
“Of what?” the other man prodded.
“Of everything. Of fuckin’ unforgiving, unavoidable Ifrit-be-damned karma. I get stuck doin’ somethin’ no oneshould ever even think about doin’… and then my whole goddamn life goes to shit. And then, just when I think it can’t possibly get any shittier, shit gets worse. People I care about are gettin’ picked off one by one. Lira’s never gonna speak to me again. Tseng might be fucking dead by mornin’. ‘Lena’s in a goddamn coma. Rufus and Vir both probably think I’m losin’ my fuckin’ mind, and they might actually be right. You’re the only person I got left that doesn’t hate me, isn’t layin’ in a hospital bed, and doesn’t think I’m completely nuts… and I’m not even sure about that last one. Somethin’ happens to you… and I’m done. I’m gonna lose it completely. And I’m scared I might not come back from that…”
By the time he finished, he could feel his chest tightening again, making it hard to breathe normally, and he had to fight the instinct to gasp for air.
“… I don’t think you’re completely nuts,” Rude said, smiling warmly as he shifted his grip on the redhead slightly and massaged the back of his neck.
Reno cast him a sidelong glance. “Fuck you,” he said with a weak laugh.
“You’re not alone,” Rude said in reply. “You have people who want to make it better. You’re not a burden to us. You’re family.”
The redhead took a deep, shuddering breath, and nodded, unable to find his voice.
“Ready to get out of here?”
“Yeah. I think so,” he said, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat.
“Good… Then let’s go before someone gets bored and decides to test fire this damn thing.”
“Hey… Rude?” Reno queried. He followed his partner back onto the top of the canon’s barrel.
“Yeah?” he grunted in response, as he pulled himself up over the lip. The redhead followed effortlessly, earning an annoyed glare from the other Turk.
“… Ya mind stayin’ with me tonight?” he asked, somewhat hesitantly. He hated the idea of anyone seeing him mid-nightmare – even Elena – and hated even more the idea of actually asking someone to stick around and watch… but he had a feeling tonight was going to be especially bad.
“Was gonna insist on it,” Rude answered, reaching out to ruffle his hair. The redhead attempted to duck out of reach and avoid it, but in the end gave in and just let him do as he pleased. His partner smirked, and laid an arm over the younger man’s shoulders, walking him back towards the base.
Rufus hadn’t bothered to turn on the lights in his office. The waning sunlight had provided more than enough illumination for sitting silently, lost in though. Now, though, the sun had set, and the office was dark… and he was still sitting silently in a chair, gazing out of the huge plate glass window at the shadowy waters the stretched out from Junon, the base’s canon a strange silhouette in the moonlight.
This was his fault. Tseng had been hurt following his demand for vengeance. He never should have sent him into that temple. And it could have been worse still. Elena could have ended up in that confrontation as well… It was sheer luck that she hadn’t. Nevertheless, shehadn’t exactly returned unscathed. Two Turks sacrificed… and for what? Sephiroth was still running free.
And that was to say nothing of Reno. He thought back to the multitude of times he’d called the redhead useless… worthless… idiotic… In truth, he trusted him nearly as much as he trusted Tseng, even if he didn’t hold the same personal fondness for the student as he did for the mentor. His petty campaign for revenge had cost Reno a hefty price. He’d never thought that anything could break the slum rat. Reno never seemed to have any doubt what to do, no matter what the situation. Seeing him crumple in such a fashion had been a shock… and one more thing he blamed himself for.
For the past few hours, he’d been debating with himself as to whether he should simply… stop. Was revenge really worth it? To hell with the Rumah-forsaken Promised Land. Sephiroth could have it! The damned thing was probably just a legend anyway… a madman’s fantasy. He’d already lost a father. Was this really worth risking the loss of so much more?
He was almost certain that his own father would have told him no… it wasn’t. In situations like this, it was best to cut one’s losses, minimize risk, and consolidate one’s assets… and not let one’s ego get in the way of doing what was smart.
With a heavy sighed, Rufus stood and made his way out of the office, decision made. In the morning, he would inform his two still-functional Turks that the hunt for Sephiroth was suspended. Indefinitely. And then he would make arrangements to return Tseng to Midgar… Hopefully it would be a transfer to Midgar General’s intensive care unit, rather than its morgue.
The President was tired… and he wanted to go home.
Technically speaking, she wasn’t supposed to be here. It was after posted visiting hours for patients, and most visitors would have been immediately ejected from the medical facility. But being head of base security had its benefits.
Viridia had only just come off shift. Under normal circumstances, she would have been heading back to her quarters for a good night’s sleep before her morning inspection and breakfast. Very little about today had been normal, however… which was why she found herself striding purposefully into the building, flinching in the glare of the brightly lit hallway.
Tseng was out of surgery… at last. She probably should have been informing the President of that fact, not to mention Reno and Rude… but she wanted to see him, if only to prove to herself that he was still hanging on. Still fighting.
She had little trouble finding his room. The night-shift staff acknowledged her with a curt, and somewhat disapproving nod, but didn’t try to stop her from entering. Not that she would have let them. She let the door close behind her with a soft creak.
“Yer not supposed ta be here right now,” a tired-sounding, though still thoroughly annoyed, voice stated, “Just who do yeh think yeh are, barging in here like that?”
Her attention quickly snapped to the figure of an old woman. She was dressed in a medical lab coat, straight, silver-gray hair cut off bluntly at the shoulder in a crisp, perfectly straight line. The woman’s eyes narrowed at her, taking stock of the intruder as a perceived threat.
Viridia straightened, and returned the unwavering gaze with suspicion. “Lieutenant Commander Viridia Nacelle, base security chief. And just who are you? You’re not with Junon medical…”
Much to her surprise, the woman’s expression softened. “Ah… Well, Lieutenant Commander Viridia Nacelle, base security chief… I’m Dr. Justinia Ward. Head physician for Shinra Company. The President had me flown in. I arrived a few hours ago.”
“You’re… Dr. Ward?” she repeated, surprised. They’d never met, but she’d certainly heard of the woman from Tseng… usually in reference to something that Reno had done to injure himself. And she knew that the Turk leader trusted her implicitly.
“That’s what I said, now isn’t it? I take it yeh heard they’d finished with him, then…”
Her eyes traveled to the nearby bed, where Tseng lay, motionless save for a somewhat unnatural rhythm to his breathing… which, she realized with some concern was due to the ventilator that was currently doing the breathing for him.
“Don’t yeh expect me ta sugar-coat anything… He’s still in a bad way. Worse than I’ve ever seen him… and I’ve seen him in some dire straits before, believe me. But he’s holding his own. I don’t think he’s ready ta give up just yet.”
“… What are his odds?” she asked, somewhat breathlessly.
Ward frowned and gaze down at her patient. “If he can make it through tonight… If he can hold on until they get that blasted machinery packed up and shipped out here… I’d say his odds are good. It’s going ta be a long road ahead, but he’ll recover. If he can hold on.”
“Machinery? You mean the mako therapy equipment…” she clarified, and Ward nodded. Junon didn’t have its own. In fact no one did, yet, except for Midgar General Hospital. And even there, from what she’d heard, it required special circumstances… or high-level clearance… before they’d put it to use. “Can I stay?” Viridia asked quietly.
“… Normally, I’d say no. But… I think he’d appreciate the company. From what I hear tell, the two of yeh have been a bit of an item for quite some time.”
She looked up, mouth hanging slightly open for a moment. “He… told you about us?”
Ward chuckled. “Well, actually, it was that redheaded troublemaker of his that let it slip awhile back… but he certainly didn’t deny the claim. Only time I can ever recall seeing Tseng Itsudake blush.” She set the chart she’d been holding back onto the hook at the end of the bed. “Stay as long as yeh like. I’m going ta go and see ta my other patient… I won’t be far off if yeh need me.”
Viridia nodded and took a seat next to the bed. She wasn’t going anywhere for awhile.
“I don’t even know why I’m tryin’ to fuckin’ sleep…” Reno muttered. “It’s fuckin’ pointless.” Rude tried, and failed, to stifle a yawn, and the redhead glanced over at him guiltily. “You don’t have to stay ‘n put up with me screamin’ ya awake every twenty minutes… Fuck off already. I’ll be fine.”
Rude returned to his own bed and flopped backwards against the pillows, letting his eyes close. “Go back to sleep, Reno. See ya in twenty minutes…” It was the fourth time, already, that he’d woken to his friend’s distressed cries and been forced to rouse him from his dreams.
The redhead sighed, and shook his head. “Fuck, man. I knew tonight was gonna be bad but… fuck. Haven’t had a night like this since I had to let that asshole minion of Hojo’s fuck around in my head…”
“Six,” said Rude, pulling the sheets back over himself. Reno looked up, confused.
“Six what?”
“Six fucks in less than ten sentences. Think that might be a new record.”
Reno couldn’t help the laugh that slipped past his lips. “You’re countin’ how many times I swear every time I wake you up? Do you have any idea how deranged that sounds.”
“I’m only counting the fucks. And it made you laugh, didn’t it?”
“Tch… You’re a real weirdo sometimes, pal… ya know that?” But he couldn’t deny that it had lightened the mood a little. Rude was good at that. You’d never know it if you didn’t bother getting to know the guy, but Rude’s sense of humor could be almost as twisted as his. And he was a master of the straight-faced delivery. He settled back and closed his eyes for a moment, before rolling onto his side, his pillow hugged tight to his chest.
It wasn’t much of a replacement for El… but it was embarrassing enough having Rude see him like this. The last thing he needed was to give him another reason to think less of him. Hell, his partner didn’t even know about the toy. He’d been much more careful of keeping her hidden than he had been with Mr. Foo-foo… though he still wasn’t entirely certain how Rude had found out about his previous stuffed bunny. Still… He was nearing the point where he’d have been willing to sacrifice what little dignity he still had for the sake of being able cuddle her. El was no replacement for Elena… but she was something, at least.
He was exhausted… and he desperately wanted to sleep. At the same time, he almost didn’t dare. The dreams had covered everything from Sector 7 to visions of Tseng telling him he’d never amount to anything as head of the Turks. Every fear… every doubt… every worst case scenario that had entered his mind since this whole mess began… It all seemed to be manifesting itself tonight in his dreams. In the dark, he could still feel Rude’s eyes on him, watching over him, and he settled a bit, forcing himself to relax.
“Hey… Rude? You think Tseng’s gonna make it?”
“He’s been in bad shape before. Always comes out okay in the end,” the other Turk responded. Reno rolled onto his back, tucking his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling.
“Yeah… but… I think this time’s different. You remember him ever being worked on for so long? And then they don’t tell us shit when they’re done? Or even if they’re done?”
“… I remember the time he had to jump into that flooded storm channel to haul your ass out after you got yourself knocked out in that fight on the Sector 8 bridge… Twenty foot drop, four broken ribs, torn Achilles tendon… and he still managed to carry you back to the car before you woke up.”
Reno snickered. “Best part was, I didn’t have a scratch on me… from the fall, anyway. Think heresented me for it the whole time he was waitin’ on shit to heal…”
“How about the time he and Veld were flying up to Icicle Inn and got attacked by a red dragon because they got a little to close to her nest?” Rude went on.
“Tch… Don’t remind me. Only thing I remember ’bout that is what his shoulders looked like after the mako therapy. All the peeling skin made even my worst sunburn look tame by comparison.”
“I’m just saying… He’s been hurt bad before. Tseng’s never just given in, and he’s not going to start now.”
“Hope you’re right…” the redhead sighed, letting his eyes drift shut.
“It’s not some cosmic punishment for what you did… what we did… you know,” Rude added, “Shit happens. Especially when you go looking for it on a regular basis.”
“Oh… so there yeh are. I was starting ta wonder.”
Tseng blinked slowly against the unpleasantly bright light and groaned. Or tried to. He very quickly discovered that he was thoroughly incapable of making any sound whatsoever… though he had no idea why. Everything was rather hazy.
A dark silhouette leaned over him, blocking out some of the light.
“Don’t yeh go trying ta talk. That tube’s staying in for a bit.”
The Turk leader fought hard against the grogginess that afflicted him, trying to simultaneously make sense of the words he was hearing and force his vision to focus. At last, he recognized the face in front of him. He tried to speak… to ask what in the nine hells was going on… only to find that his voice didn’t work. Ward shook her head and clucked her tongue.
“Now what did I just tell yeh?” the doctor chastised him with a disapproving frown. “Blasted Turks… Not a one of yeh ever listens ta sound medical advice the first time it’s given.” Her expression softened a bit. “Do yeh remember what happened? Yeh can blink once for yes, twice for no.”
Tseng resolutely closed his eyes and opened them again before returning his gaze to the doctor’s face. Yes… now he remembered. And he was quite certain that should have been dead. It seemed not… though how that was even remotely possible was a complete mystery to him. He’d been very sure of the fact that he was dying not that long ago.
“Yer lucky, Tseng Itsudake. There’s no other word for it. Though yeh’d best get used ta lying on yer back… because yer going ta be doing that, and very little else, for quite some time. If Elena hadn’t been there, I doubt very much we’d be having this conversation right now.”
Tseng’s eyes widened slightly. Elena. Where was she?
“Oh, now, calm yerself down. All of yer little Turks are safe and sound right here in Junon. Though I do need ta check in on the troublemaker soon as he wakes up. Rude tells me he hasn’t been quite himself since yeh were hurt.”
The Turk leader let his eyes close again. Reno… He hoped he was alright. His former-rookie had been putting on a brave face since the incident in Sector 7… but Tseng suspected that was all it really was. What he really needed was time… and unfortunately, that was something Tseng simply hadn’t been able to give him.
“I’ll look after him. Don’t yeh worry,” Ward said, calmly, “Now… Yeh’ve already had one mako treatment, and that seems ta have stabilized yeh. I’ve scheduled another for this afternoon. Yer probably not feelin’ much right now with all the nice, strong painkillers yer on at the moment… but believe me when I tell yeh that yer a mess. We’re going ta be pushing the limits of what they tell me’s safe for mako therapy exposure for a few days. Yeh may be awake, but yer not outta the woods quite yet.”
He blinked once, slowly, to show that he understood. A soft creak to his left suddenly captured his attention… and Ward’s as well, as she chuckled quietly to herself and waved the new arrival into the room.
“I think yeh have a visitor…” she said.
“Tseng…” a familiar voice breathed, the sound of relief clearly evident, and a moment later Viridia joined Dr. Ward at his bedside. More than anything he wanted to hold her… The best he could manage was a weak raise of his hand, reaching for her. She smiled, and for a moment he was almost convinced he could make out the slightest shimmer of tears on her lashes, as she took hold of his hand, lightly stroking her fingers over the back of it.
“I’ll just leave the two of yeh alone for a bit, then…” Ward said with a knowing smile before disappearing from view. He heard the door close softly behind her.
Reno yawned and poked unenthusiastically at the eggs on his plate. He just had no appetite. He’d managed a few bites to humor his partner, but the food didn’t hold much interest for him. Even the bacon sat largely untouched… and that was usually one of his favorites.
Rude didn’t look very happy about that, but the redhead just couldn’t find the energy to put forth more of an effort.
They’d been told that Tseng had made it through the night… but Junon Medical was obnoxiously tight-lipped when it came to discussing patients with anyone but a commanding officer. Tseng was the commanding officer in this case… so they’d been waiting on Rufus, who, apparently, had decided to sleep in this morning… much to the redhead’s annoyance. That, combined with a pretty sleepless night, had left him in something of a daze.
“I thought I might find yeh here. If there’s food ta be had, yer liable ta be nearby…” a voice behind him stated, and Reno jumped, startled from his lethargy, and turned in his seat to assure himself that he wasn’t hearing things.
“Doc?!” He’d never been so happy to see the woman in his life. Maybe now they could finally get some actual answers.
“Before yeh ask… He’s doing alright. He’s still in serious condition, but I’ll get him patched up again. Don’t yeh worry.”
“Is he awake? Can we see him?” Reno asked, breakfast forgotten and abandoned as he stood up from the cafeteria table. Rude wasn’t far behind.
“He was awake when I left… but I doubt he’ll be for much longer. A certain lieutenant commander is with him right now. I’d like ta let him rest a bit after she leaves… but yeh can see him later today.”
Rude laughed and slung an arm around him, and Reno felt some of the tense knots in his stomach begin to untwist themselves. He grinned, and for the first time in days, it didn’t feel forced.
“… What about ‘Lena?”
Ward shook her head. “Still out cold, I’m afraid. But not in any danger. She’ll wake up when she’s ready.”
That was… disappointing. But not unexpected. Viridia had said it could be days before her strength recovered… and if anyone knew what materia could do to a person, it was Viridia.
“Now then… I’ve dealt with two of my patients. Time to take a look at number three.”
The redhead rolled his eyes. “Tch… I’m not hurt, Doc. Neither is Rude. No patient number three around here.”
“Hmph… Yer either going ta follow me and walk inta that exam room, or I’ll have yer partner carry yeh. Yer choice.”
Reno opened his mouth to voice his opinion on that claim… and shut it again when he saw the way Rude was looking at him. It was almost gleeful. He’d always known the son of a bitch enjoyed doing that to him. The redhead groaned, defeated.
“Fine. Just… no fuckin’ needles,” he muttered, and he absently trailed the doctor, ignoring her sharp chastisement of “Language!”. He followed her back to the medical building, and she ushered him down a hallway and into an empty exam room where he leaned back against the cold metal table. “So… Tseng’s really gonna be okay, right?” he asked.
“I won’t say I’m a hundred percent certain yet… it’s just too early for that. But I like his odds… and those odds’ll keep improving with every stint in the mako therapy unit. For the moment, he’s stable, and he’s not in much pain. That’s the best I can tell yeh. Shirt off, and sit down.”
Reno rolled his eyes, and shrugged out of his jacket before tackling the buttons on his shirt. He didn’t see the point in this… though he was glad she was here. Even if it did mean being poked and prodded for no reason. For some reason, he’d always found Ward’s penchant for the plain and honest truth to be far more comforting than being told that everything would be fine… even when the truth was that she just didn’t know for sure.
He stripped off his shirt and tossed it aside, hopping up onto the table. “Let’s just get this over with…” he sighed, and he soon found himself at the mercy of the good doctor and a cuff being inflated around his upper arm.
“Yer blood pressure’s up a bit…” she observed.
“Tch… wonder why…”
“Don’t yeh take that tone with me, yeh sarcastic little thing…” the woman cautioned, “My job is ta keep yeh healthy.”
He considered a retort, but his heart really wasn’t in their usual banter right now, so he simply shut his mouth and fixed his gaze on a point on the wall. The sooner she was done, the sooner he could get out of here. He flinched slightly when the icy cold end of a stethoscope came in contact with his bear skin, and he glared at the doctor.
“Deep breath, if yeh please…” she said with a smirk. It went on like that for several minutes until Ward was apparently satisfied that he wasn’t going to keel over at any second. At last, she stepped back, looking him over.
“We done yet?” Reno asked, impatiently.
“No,” Ward stated. “How are yeh sleeping?”
“Great,” he dryly replied, “Never better. Can’t ya tell from the bags under my eyes?”
“I noticed yeh weren’t eating, either… How long’s that been going on?”
“Can’t a guy just not be hungry once in awhile?” Even to his own ears, that sounded defensive. To his surprise, Ward didn’t comment.
“Have yeh had any thoughts of hurting yerself?”
Reno’s attention was very quickly refocused away from the wall and directly on the doctor. “Fuck, no,” he said, adamantly. “I’m fucked up, but I’m not that fucked up. That what this is all about? You think I’m gonna off myself?”
Ward smiled faintly. “Actually… no. But that’s a question I’m required ta ask yeh, under the circumstances. And I wanted yer full and undivided attention, besides.”
The redhead glared at her. “Yeah, well… you got it.”
“I had a little chat with Dr. Quaid before I left Midgar… yeh remember her, don’t yeh? She’s not best pleased about yeh missing out on those sessions she recommended. We came to a bit of a consensus yeh might say.”
Reno suddenly felt his blood run cold, and his eyes went wide. “Doc… Please. Please don’t put me on leave. I need to be here right now. Someone’s gotta take over for Tseng ’til he’s back on his feet. That’s s’posed to be me. I can’t just abandon Rude and ‘Lena like that…” Eight hours ago, he was questioning whether he was even capable of taking on leadership of the Turks… now he was practically begging for it. The irony wasn’t lost on him… but it wasn’t a responsibility he could just abdicate. He was needed… and he didn’t want to let Tseng down.
“Oh, for Shiva’s sake…” Ward sighed, exasperated, “Do yeh always have ta assume the worst? Calm down, yeh little troublemaker. I’m not sending yeh back ta Midgar.”
Reno breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed minutely. “So… what the fuck was all that about then?”
“I’m not sending yeh back ta Midgar. Yet,” the doctor replied. “But I’m also not completely convinced yer fit for duty. I heard about what happened when yeh got here.”
“… Goddammit, Rude…” he growled. “That fuckin’ traitor.” Of course Rude would have told her. His friend had a truly aggravating habit of informing on him to the doctor. He was going to have a little chat of his own with him as soon as the Doc cut him loose.
“He was worried. And rightly so. Yer a fortunate one, yeh know… Not everyone is lucky enough ta have people like that in their lives.”
He scowled, but he didn’t argue with her. Just because she was right didn’t mean he had to concede the point to her.
“But… I’ll let yeh sort that little issue out amongst yerselves. Yeh want ta stay in the field, then yer going ta have agree ta my conditions. Starting with this one.” She produced a small bottle from the pocket of her lab coat and placed it in his hand. The redhead raised an eyebrow, as he read the label, noting the name of the medication. It was long and borderline unpronounceable… and really didn’t tell him anything.
“What’s this?” he asked. His assumption was sleeping pills… and if that was the case, she could just forget it. He couldn’t deal with not being able to wake up from a dream. Not again. And if they were the more powerful ones that knocked him out completely… he didn’t want that either. He couldn’t afford it… not when they were still hunting Sephiroth.
“It’s an antidepressant.”
Reno blinked in surprise. “A… what?” He frowned, tossing the bottle back to her “No way. I don’t need any fuckin’ happy pills.” He stood up and grabbed his shirt, pulling it back on and storming towards the door. Ward calmly stepped in front of him, blocking his path. “Outta my way, Doc…”
“Or what? Yeh’ll make me move? Yeh sit yer behind back down and hear me out, or I’ll have yeh back in Midgar so fast yer head’ll spin… and don’t think I won’t.”
He ground his teeth, fighting back the desire to tell her exactly what she could do with her damn pills. Ward stared him down, unrelenting. After a few moments of fuming, Reno grudgingly backed down and resumed his seat.
“I’m not depressed.”
“I’m not sure Dr. Quaid agrees. And I, personally, think yer at least heading in that direction. But I’m not prescribing them for depression. I’m prescribing them for anxiety. I want yeh ta take one every night before yeh go ta sleep.” She handed the bottle back to him, and firmly closed his fingers around it.
Reno narrowed his eyes at the little container. He hated this. He’d thought he could do this on his own… especially now that he’d opened up a bit more to Rude about how he was really handling things. And now Ward was coming along and telling him that she thought he couldn’t. That he needed to be medicated in order to feel normal again. His shoulder sagged in resignation.
“Whoever heard of a Turk on antidepressants?” he muttered, more to himself than to Dr. Ward. The doctor placed a finger under his chin and gently lifted his head until he was forced to meet her gaze.
“I’m really not supposed ta be telling yeh this… doctor-patient confidentiality and all… but in this instance, I don’t think he’d mind. I prescribed that same medication for Tseng quite some time ago, back when he found himself trapped in a mindset not so different from yer own.”
Reno’s brow furrowed slightly, and he stared at her. “What?”
Ward smiled reassuringly. “I doubt yeh’ve forgotten how bad he was after his sister was killed. As I recall, yeh came ta me yerself, worried sick over the way he was acting.”
Reno glanced down at the bottle, and shook his head in denial. “No… Tseng wouldn’t have needed –”
“Tseng wasn’t ashamed ta admit that he needed some help at the most difficult time of his life. And he wouldn’t want yeh ta be, either.”
“… I never knew,” he whispered, “I mean… I knew it was bad. I didn’t know it was that bad. I always kinda just thought he snapped out of it.”
“He always has been a bit too proud for his own good. Rubbed off a bit on yeh, if yeh ask me. But he got through it, and yeh will, too. Yeh won’t have ta take them forever… Just until yeh’ve built yerself back up some. Give yerself the chance ta actually do that.”
“And if I don’t?”
“Then I won’t have a choice. I won’t sit idly by and watch yeh deteriorate. Yeh’ll be on mandatory medical restriction in the office.”
He’d figured as much. Ward didn’t mess around. If he wanted to stay on the job, he’d have to swallow his pride and agree to her demands. Though… he did have to admit… it felt far less demeaning, knowing that he wasn’t the only one. And in a strange way, he actually felt the tiniest bit better. Things had seemed dangerously close to hopeless last night. Ward was offering him a chance at banishing that feeling. He swallowed sharply, and tucked the pills into his pocket.
“… ‘kay. I’ll take ’em,” he said quietly.
“Good. I’ll tell yeh what. If yeh’ll go and get some breakfast… and actually eat it this time… I’ll let yeh in ta see Tseng a little early. Deal?”
“… Can I have my candy, too?”
Ward laughed softly. “Ah… Now there’s my little headache.” She reached into her pocket and produced the requested sweet, smiling. “I think yeh’ve earned it.”
“I don’t quite understand, sir,” Reeve Tuesti’s voice responded over the phone. “You… want me to call Cait Sith back to Midgar.”
“I’ve decided that this idiotic pursuit of a madman is not in Shinra Company’s best interests. I see no reason to continue dedicating company assets to it.” He stood and walked around his desk, pausing in front of a shelf. His father’s model of Junon was displayed there. He needn’t have bothered fixing it all those weeks ago… the man hadn’t lived long enough to discover that he’d ever broken it in the first place.
“Sir… If that’s your decision, of course I’ll comply,” Reeve replied, the voice from the speakerphone filling the space like a physical presence. Rufus shook his head… He never should have had that Mideelian carpet removed from the office. Sounds echoed far too much for his liking now. “But before I do something I might not be able to undo, I’d like to give you my final report. I’ve learned something that might change your mind…”
He hesitated… He doubted very much that he could be swayed at this point, but he couldn’t deny his curiosity.
“Alright. Let’s hear it.”
“Yes, sir. After Avalanche entered the temple, they encountered… some sort of recording of events. We… saw Tseng being attacked by Sephiroth. And we heard what he said to him. He spoke of becoming one with the planet. Then later, we ran into Sephiroth himself.”
Rufus clenched his fists. Though he wanted Sephiroth to pay for what he’d done… it just wasn’t worth the risk. After Tseng, he wanted no more blood on his hands.
“I hardly see how his mad rantings are relevant to company interests.”
“Sir, Sephiroth told us what he meant by ‘becoming one with the planet’… The temple. It was a… a puzzle. And when it was solved, it physically became the object Sephiroth was searching for. Avalanche used one of my Cait Sith automatons to solve it, hoping to prevent him from using one of those… sycophants… that follow him around to do it. It became a materia sphere. A black materia sphere.”
The President paused, and then stalked back to his desk, returning to his seat. “And just what does one do with black materia?” he asked.
“Sephiroth claimed that it held what he called the ultimate destructive magic. He plans to use it.”
“Against Shinra?” Rufus asked, feeling a flash of panic.
“… No, sir. Against the planet itself.”
The executive’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. That made no sense. What did the man hope to accomplish by such an act?
“Sir… He claims that by ‘injuring’ the planet, spirit energy will gather at the site of the wound. He plans to be right in the middle of it. To make it his own. He thinks he can become a god! I don’t know if that’s even possible, but sir… if that materia is really as powerful as he claims it is… using it like that could be a catastrophe for the entire world.”
He was speechless. That Sephiroth was utterly mad was without question… but ‘wounding’ the planet? The fool could end up destroying them all!
“And this… black materia,” he began, mouth suddenly dry. “It’s currently in Avalanche’s possession?”
“… No, sir. It’s not,” Reeve answered, a note of foreboding in his tone. “Sephiroth has it. What’s more, the Cetra girl went missing this morning. We think she may have gone after him.”
Rufus closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. This was far from good news. For all his talk of the Promised Land, he had assumed that Sephiroth was little more than a deluded old soldier, brain addled by war and too much of the mako Soldier initiates were showered in. Dangerous… but only if he chose to attack directly. But this…
Perhaps it was mere fantasy. The ravings of a lunatic who wanted to play god. But if that were the case, why would the Cetra have gone to such great lengths to secure this so-called black materia?
The risk had decidedly changed… and his decision had to be reevaluated. Sephiroth now represented a clear threat to the company. Perhaps to the entire world.
“Sir?” Reeve prodded, “… Do you still want me to recall Cait Sith?”
There was really only one answer he could give. Shinra had created Sephiroth. Sephiroth was now a major threat to anyone and everyone. It was Shinra’s responsibility to eliminate that threat.
“No. Continue monitoring Avalanche. I want daily reports from now on, and immediate updates on any significant developments.”
“Understood, sir. Er… Sir? About Tseng… He was still alive when we entered the temple. Did… he survive?”
“He’s still alive, yes… though his condition remains quite serious, I’m told.” He’d been more than simply told. He’d seen the man firsthand. It had been something of a reality check for him. Tseng had always been remarkably resilient. Often, by the time Rufus was aware of an injury, he was already on the mend and back at work. He tended to forget sometimes that… his Turk was mortal. His brief visit late last night had been a stark reminder that such was the case.
“I see,” Reeve replied, and there was a long pause, followed by a minor commotion. “Avalanche is getting ready to head out, sir.”
“Very well. Monitor them closely. I’ll expect your next report this evening.”
He ended the call and leaned back in the chair, fingers steepled before him as he stared out the window, thinking… considering. They didn’t know where he was. They didn’t know where he was going. But Sephiroth had to be stopped. That much was clear.
Now he just had to figure out how to do it.
~fin~
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